my life so far. {fine artistry}

my life so far.

i'm 21 and i'm gonna die at 21.

i'm 16 and i'm gonna die at 16.

i'm 21 and i'm gonna die at 21.

i'm 17 and i'm gonna die at 17.

i'm 18 and i'm gonna die at 18.

i'm 19 and i'm gonna die at 19.

i'm 21 and i'm gonna die at 21.

i'm 20 and i'm gonna die at 20.

i'm 21 and i'm gonna die at 21.

i'm 21 and i'm gonna die at 21.

my life so far.

i'm 21 and i'm gonna die at 21.

i'm gonna go to guitar center and play my guitar.

i'm gonna do e and e and send me some e.

i'm gonna call alex and will do something.

i'm 21 and i'm gonna die at 21.

i'm gonna go down to the canal and take some birds.

i'm gonna take some drabs thats shock with jimmy.

i'm gonna write with jimmy cause we go way back.

i'm 21 and i'm gonna die at 21.

i'm gonna write about e and e thats drab.

i'm 21 and i'm gonna die at 21.

we're shock with jimmy. we go way back with alex.

i'm 21 and i'm gonna die at 21.

ababramateethraburadazzxj kmnnpababramablackenedraburadazzxj

kmnnpababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaspace asraburadazzxj

kmnnpababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaonraburada

kmnnpababramai'mraburada ababramaconsumedraburadazzxj

ababramaconsumedraburadazzxj kmnnpababramabyraburadazzxj

ababramaworldraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaseemsraburadazzxj

kmnnpababramafuzzyraburada ababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramafullzzxj

ababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramadarkraburadazzxj

kmnnpababramacancerraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaandraburada

ababramateethraburadazzxj kmnnpababramablackenedraburadazzxj

kmnnpababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaspace asraburadazzxj

kmnnpababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaonraburada

kmnnpababramai'mraburada ababramaconsumedraburadazzxj

ababramaconsumedraburadazzxj kmnnpababramabyraburadazzxj

ababramaworldraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaseemsraburadazzxj

kmnnpababramafuzzyraburada ababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramafullzzxj

ababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramadarkraburadazzxj

kmnnpababramacancerraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaandraburada

this world slotting itself through me, drab in its repetitious and

i wander down in dark, doom, drab,

gone just like that another year, corn silk drab like radiation-hair,

Winter artistry adorns a formerly drab scene. Don't fire till you see.

Have I said this already, over and over again, this drab face sitting.

ababramateethraburadazzxj kmnnpababramablackenedraburadazzxj

kmnnpababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaspace asraburadazzxj

kmnnpababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaonraburada

kmnnpababramai'mraburada ababramaconsumedraburadazzxj

ababramaconsumedraburadazzxj kmnnpababramabyraburadazzxj

ababramaworldraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaseemsraburadazzxj

kmnnpababramafuzzyraburada ababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramafullzzxj

ababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramadarkraburadazzxj

kmnnpababramacancerraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaandraburada

the same old thing... dribs and drabs... just turned

they're somewhat drab when standing, but their wings

airbender, general, three drabbles featuring katara, who had a few

i'm gonna take some drabs thats shock with jimmy.

i'm gonna write about e and e thats drab.

my life so far. {fine artistry}

http://www.alansondheim.org/mountain1.mp3 (sarangi)

http://www.alansondheim.org/mountain2.mp3 (jogia sarangi)

have artistry, this fine artistry.

have artistry, this fire artistry.

i'm gonna show you this fine artistry.

i'm 21 and i'm gonna die at 21.

i'm 21 and my wings are everywhere.

i'm gonna soar above you and i'm gonna soar about you.

i'm 21 and my wings are going soar below you.

have this fine fine artistry.

i'm gonna die.

at 21. my general, wings who gonna 21. 21 katara, wings katara, 21 21.

gonna who wings general, my 21. at general, three wings few die 21. far.

three wings who and 21. and who wings featuring far. 21. die had wings

three general, at 21. my general, wings who gonna 21. i'm drabbles wings

katara, 21 21. gonna had wings drabbles life 21. at general, airbender,

airbender, few die 21. far. three wings katara, and 21. and who wings

featuring i'm 21. die had wings three general, at at my general, wings a

gonna 21. i'm drabbles wings katara, 21 21. gonna had wings drabbles

life 21. at general, airbender, airbender, few die 21. so three wings

katara, and 21. 21 featuring wings featuring i'm 21. die had wings three

at at general, wings a gonna 21. i'm drabbles wings featuring 21 21.

gonna gonna my drabbles drabbles a 21 die i'm who drabbles who i'm die

21 a drabbles drabbles my gonna gonna general, featuring three few and

die so featuring drabbles had 21 die i'm had drabbles featuring so die

and few three featuring general, gonna gonna drabbles drabbles had and

die far. who drabbles katara, i'm die 21 a drabbles drabbles my gonna

gonna general, featuring three few and die life katara, drabbles who 21

die i'm had drabbles featuring so die and few three featuring general,

gonna gonna drabbles drabbles had and die far.

drabbles drabbles general, at 16. and a featuring 21. 18 16 far. had

20. 19. and call down call guitar. go play call take take i'm play

guitar. alex drabs thats something. send e alex shock i'm go call i'm

will shock go write canal call something. with back. i'm with canal

canal jimmy. drab. back we drabs take jimmy. we're this with write thats

i'm with itself through gonna i'm jimmy back me, drab way go alex.

repetitious world in with gonna shock and doom, i slotting with

kmnnpababramablackenedraburadazzxj its that gone and itself world this

year, another dark, me, itself repetitious corn radiation-hair.

drab i silk drab like just world i year, Don't formerly like drab, dark,

drab scene. till a another just corn Don't Have till Winter another silk

see. over said you radiation-hair, like fire drab face Have Don't drab

Winter Have thing. Have artistry fire artistry this just dribs already,

they're face already, same standing, general, their dribs face old but

katara, drabbles when thing... dribs but had had general, they're just

theirs had a theirs somewhat theirs few katara, but wings few three

drabbles general, a featuring had ababramateethraburadazzxj gonna die.

THE TEXT I KNOW NOT WHERE CAME FORTH:

THE TEXT I KNOW NOT WHERE CAME FORTH:

(last night I seriously lost a couple of hours; today I found this piece

below. today I also recorded http://www.alansondheim.org/92youd1.mp3 and

http://www.alansondheim.org/92ysarangi.mp3 . but why this text? Azure

said I was sweating terribly and complaining, almost crying out, last

night: I remember none of it. this is frightening. the text frightens me.

the music saves me. Alan.)

Vthe book continues, scrolls are necessary, prayer wheels, So the book

continues, scrolls are necessary, prayer wheels, leaves bound into place

or folded into boxes, one prostrates oneself before a deity or before

nothing whatsoever. Infinity moves through the chakras; the body is a bead

upon a chain or string or

lighting the Tibetan prayer wheel for her. And David Askevold died as

lighting the Tibetan prayer wheel for her. And David Askevold died as

So the book continues, scrolls are necessary, prayer wheels, leaves

the tablets - prayer wheel spinning above a slow flame -

in this dark night of prayer wheels

the prayer wheel turning all through the rain

in this dark night of prayer wheels and worlds

prayer wheel -ksh w3m -tcsh screen -tcsh emacs slrn -tcsh -tcsh -tcsh

on the desk, Tibetan prayer wheel and stupa, Tibetan gau,

the tablets - prayer wheel spinning above a slow flame -

So the book continues, scrolls are necessary, prayer wheels, leaves

I see a king who has ade some works. I say to one and all, these arae

wonderful works. I ask how they have been constructed and sense a new

diretion for the construction of the world; tp cpjstrict a wpr;d.. tje

;omer extra[p;atopm ,ist grod tp a ja;t. gegatomg jostpru. de=dissolving

the liquidity of =coGULATED MAMEORYLTHR =BOOK ETITRE THR VONDYTUYION OG

IYD SSLURDL LSNOPYIVOND RLRSYR, OPRTSYR SY RBRTU PSTSFR HTPUNF, RBRTYU

GIRLF OG VONVOUTDRL YHR JIJIDL SIIMSLD GFOGFDFNG GHTJDRLBRD DFGODD;

GIMFDMRMYD; DIDYSMVF FODDP;BFD SMD ;SMGUSGES DISDSSPPESR UJTIL TJI GI69

SHD FROIUNDS SLL SRE USDD UPWE KSVD VBDDM SEDLEOOPOLD FPEOO SLDL GPDOS SKS

S;GGRREEHOW DID HE DISCOVER THE RIPPLES OF OUR VBACKS INTERTPRSED WITHJIND

FAMES CLOSE TO DEATH LK J OLJ LKJ LKJ SO DIDFFDFDNT LSNDSCALE THAG A LONG

GIMR AGO RDXHAUSDTED ITSELF OVVDF THEE DISCAARDINFG OF TRUTH AND ITS

GROUNDS NAND THE GOUNDS A=OOF ANY SUCHL THESE PLACES I HAEVE SEEN BUT THE

REPORTYT KS BLQCK IS IT NOT. THE THREAD IS BROKEN.IT IS A STRUGGLE GO

BRTETHELoO

I QIL========-------

I WILL DO THIS

I WILL DEFININIELY DO THIS

THIS IS TI BEWILLED ALREADY DONE AD SUCH.

THIS IS ALREADY DONE

virtual idylls

virtual idylls

animated computer creations that appear as singers runway models for

publicize is another opening click most paper dolls undress mouse easy

remove outer clothes harder underwear takes some tugging little revealed

end few anatomical details also photographic adult section quite explicit

be dressed any outfits strip relate strongly work do avatars characters

further edit treating if were therapists sense giving opportunity draw my

unfamiliar realms third tars sending their name watching feedback methods

model agency she never tires hold poses forever works clock apart from

source emission find now three years later translated recently backgrounds

foregrounds began losing myself midst thick r passing sites get involved

demographics erotic bonding female teenaged males females etc troublesome

extent resolves plot narration slotted extending categories go down

smoothly hand among avatar emanation no specific image appearance operable

within protocols deep operating systems seems too almost viral hacking

alone m background maneuvering ascii unconscious de scribe effect

sexuality paradigms control being controlled playing insinuating itself

drives runs psyches deliberately resolution difference between oh raises

beginnings endings every gesture glimpse deliberate creation unguarded

imagery artworks broken prosthetic devices following splits turns

contradicts wayward contrary noisy might gendered gender way becomes field

competing capital positioning distribution modes interventions clear

assigned movements times against blank backdrops ridge once always eternal

placed noiseless purified system receding moment offers herself clothing

hollowed frame hollowing exposing interior breast vaginal areas intro

procurement skin skins everywhere attached look wrap wire yourself play

naked body hacked mirrors returning perhaps re turning phenomenological

extensions cant emphasized enough beneath splintered turned abstract money

transformed surplus girl woman entertainment magazine store libidinal

economy resident perfect love longer clean tend towards post hats

fascinating happening future however close level fantasy boys girls

bedrooms computers desks tables off corner such kitchen pornography

entwine numerous junctions so become intrinsic everyday except

masturbation equally intrinsically parceled seen tion why academic

approaches repeatedly metaphor ignoring manifestations earlier even

wherever uncanny analysis produce reams relevant called linkages couplings

processes concatenation conjoining change loosely joined objects shelf

seriality conjunction terms results machine protocol suite interlocked

subprograms links chain machines hate subsection integral coherent whole

move abstraction coup moving parts inert organisms raging ecstatic wars

fought physical result slight warming panels images accessible bit

independent apparent organic eye speak postmodern decoupled fast forward

probings domains organism stake finitely modified manipulable loss cannot

die shelved revived elsewhere date whom data average listener fact seem

spite girlfriends your dreams massive production industry song hit gave

comfort safe partial filled quest filling vulnerable better heroines

princesses inaccessible synchronically lives parallel universe lived died

male artist recreating interesting construct mesh holding hollows armature

running jacketed cuts carefully away genital literal representation

injection covering hollow considered desire ever closeups inextricably

everything inextricable tallying birth distance teledildonics oneself doll

gives though manipulation puerile sliding removing panties reminded

dirtiness abjection simulation speaking insertions assertions key

scratches removes wires flesh pass melange constructed torn expanded

condoms abeyance while fondling push until sleep night lulled foreclosing

feminine positions com fort devour menses harbor smell membranes talk upon

mutual devouring curs gloves screens keyboards scent odor odors saturate

uneasy leaking guarantees far cry merge sight ecstasy permanency outliving

abandoned turn know dream over again iii carries concepts notion

invisibility transparency our tendency recognition nonexistence matter

coming mind entering constituted gnawing idiocy veering pervasion yet

layer interpenetration coupled troubled problematic infinite still languor

reception hardened weighted opened delicate hardly b resonates beautifully

annihilation awaiting particulate diffused harmonic peaks phenomenology

recognize alive achieve subtle transcendence id greets states meanders

sayings hanging warm air sunny afternoon argue sweet sickly leaves stems

ripening humid ere talker nearly door waiting says floating ours difficult

reaching please feel breathing heart must encounters seeking h hears

nothing closed foreign d thinking tell hope make affairs men women thus

said propelled attitudes speech proffering positionings nikuko e good

wonderful fun having problems login root julu bones processing boards

attributions trace bio k loves exit trying core told load tile font fuck

failed rather bar jealously reply killed melee hull guns rigging vast

heaving sailing ailing damaged yes yelling heave ail ho range starboard

bow darkest winter ground frozen sat fire thatched hut covered chanted

slowly drinking tea eyes half open child asleep wind howled flickering

flames eerie patterns wall something else snow right tried heard great

wings beating disturb meditation felt woke early dawn muscles moved

swatches beat directions remained immobilized had vanished could chant

huddled cold walls soul overcome continued clouds sun dawned warmer

exhausted enlightened returned land

Aesthetics of Improvisation

Aesthetics of Improvisation:

Intermissions, Interruptions, and Digressions in Performance

At the Sunday talk/video/dance given by Foofwa at the 92nd St. Y, he

talked about the relationship between complex choreography and inter-

ruptions in his piece based on Cage, THiRtEEn. We talked about this later

and I related the discussion to my own improvisation work, as well as

performances I'd done in Second Life, with other musicians, and so forth.

I began to think of a taxonomy of interruptions, realizing that I was

heading into muddy hermeneutics at the least, as well as splitting

epistemologies and fractured phenomenologies. I revived the idea of the

'fissure,' a break in the midst of A and A, which doesn't change the

entity; the split remains, temporary or permanent, as a glitch, but not -

as in negation, an ontological process.

So we begin with a choreography (which may also be a musical score,

theatrical text, etc.) which is absolute in the sense that the real is

absolute; it forms a foreground and background structure which the

performer follows to the best of hir abilities, without break, with a

sense of inhabiting the piece which is almost unconscious, and with a

repertoire of technique that, hopefully, can be taken for granted - a form

of tacit knowledge that allows the piece to flow smoothly, from beginning

to end. Think of this absolute choreography as an impossibility, as the

performer adjusts hirself throughout the presentation: nothing is or can

be perfect, because no choreography operates as natural law, and

interpretation is part of the very atmosphere of any performance.

We are talking about human performance here, not machine or program

performance, where choreographies may repeat themselves endlessly without

error, or with the repetition of the same error growing either linearly or

exponentially. Let us think, without error.

There is always the question, or the state, of the freedom of the

performer, who has agreed, often under contract and capital, to perform

and rehearse a piece, for perhaps a set amount of time, with various

riders attached, for example drowning as an act of God.

What can happen? Here we enter into the phenomenologies, the taxonomies,

of behavior in relation to structure: the coupling is always a loose coup-

ling.

The performer may repeat or elide a section or sections of the choreo-

graphy, This may be the result of forgetting the section or sections; it

may be a conscious decision; it may be the result of an other cue; it may

be the result of muscle strain or other sense of injury. It may also occur

as a result of play. All of these situations imply different intentions,

different intentionalities: forgetting can also connect to a suturing, for

example, so that the performer does not know s/he has elided something -

s/he remains within the aegis of the dance, inhabiting the dance, in spite

of (perhaps) the consciousness, from outside, of something amiss - as if

there were differing hermeneutics and strata of the same choreography:

someone performing, someone reading, someone watching. A sense of injury

or strain tends to foreground the body; if the pain is minor, the

performer may attempt to circumscribe it, detour 'around' the section, as

if the detour _were_ the section. If the pain is major, the performer may

slip into a phenomenology of the body, backgrounding the choreography

which is then only an inscription under erasure (a differend; the

choreography is no longer speaking, no longer in control, no longer _in_

inscription).

The performer may make a conscious decision not to do the section or

sections, or to repeat them, or transform them according to any number of

semiotic operations. This may come out of an inhabitation of the dance,

leading hir elsewhere/elsewise; it may come out of a sense of play, as if

the dance were temporarily objectified, thrown for a loop, thrown out of

kilter; it may come out of a sense of play in which the dance is forgotten

and the section becomes the horizon itself.

The forgetting of the section may be a conscious forgetting, as the per-

former does something else, or nothing at all: the performer might rest,

might decide to rest; the performer's body might 'seem' to rest or decide

to rest. The daily, the everyday, is foregrounded; the performer has an

itch, wants to rest, needs to go to the bathroom; has a sense of the

giggles; remembers a recent argument or sex; starts laughing; is furious

at hirself; and so forth.

For the audience, the conscious forgetting, the everyday, may well be part

of the performance: did s/he forget hir lines or is this part of the

choreography, the score? Is this Brecht, Pirandello, their descendents? Is

this revolutionary theater, Occupy?

It may simply be everyday, a relationship or communality among people -

performers, choreographers, audience, within or beneath the problematic

sign of capital. For the performer, there may _never_ be a return to the

choreography; for the audience, there is a mixed hermeneutics paralleling

that between the virtual and the real, always these entanglements, which

are on the increase, as reality is augmented and the virtual is mixed: as

programming becomes absolutist on one hand, and the hack and play on the

other.

The performer may elide a section and jump to another section, rupturing

the time and continuity of the piece, suturing the same as a fissure

reveals cracks in the midst of substance, the same and the glitch. The

glitch is already a recovery. Think of the recovery in relation to

communality: the action of one performer affects the others, but not in

the sense of choreography - in the sense of choreography's absence,

everyone covering up, everyone filling in the gaps - or not, for something

is always there to be shown, even the performers asleep, giving up,

deciding it wasn't worthwhile to continue in any case.

What about this? - the decision that it's _not worthwhile to continue._

Here is the audience and its/their expectations - their choreography,

their role/s, and there are the performers carrying a sense of exhaustion,

ennui, the uselessness of it all, bodies still present, perhaps milling

about. So there continues to be an occurrence, and everyone perhaps is

still present, so something is going on, there is a doing or doings.

This is where it might be of interest, thinking through what's worthwhile

in a deeper or more veered-off sense: is it worthwhile to continue if the

choreography physically hurts the performer? Becomes so complex that it

seems ridiculous to follow? Takes up so much of hir time that hir other

life or lives are backgrounded or eliminated for a period of time? But

then there is capital, agreements have been made.

Let the agreements perhaps stand _from the very beginning,_ so as Foofwa

indicated, there is no danger of being fired, eliminated from the

performance, and so forth. The situation becomes one of trust: the

performer is hired, that's all there is to it, and what s/he does is

already acceptable, already in-process, presented, presentable. Of course

there are limits, s/he might abscond... So the ceiling is set sufficiently

high that it disappears, just as soccer for example, as rule-laden as it

is, becomes a dance of improvisation and strategy, a continuance, based on

the trust that players will do their best. (We know where that leads us,

but that's another story, not here. So perhaps a bad example.)

Think of this in terms of taksim, a string breaks, the oud cracks, the

performer is exhausted; in terms of free jazz, a conversation emerges with

the horns, is carried out in song, then words, then leaving the perfor-

mance altogether. And in dance: as if we're in this together, as if a time

and a space were being built - rather, inhabited - a form of temporary

dwelling called an event.

-- I'd say this relates to scripts, roles, and hacks in everyday life,

relates to everyday games (counting footsteps, avoiding sidewalk cracks,

and the like), relates to economies of attention (not just capital, not

just intention). So we might think of loosely-coupled choreographies as a

form of the everyday, or a local Occupy, with its own rules that might (or

might not) be up for negotiation. And negotiation might be up for negotia-

tion as well; such might or might not be the content.

Where all of this goes - is towards an increasing fragmentation between

script, code, program, choreography, and capital on any number of hands,

and play, freedom, decision, hacking, laughter, on any other number of

hands. The category of category is problematized, as are cybernetic

control systems (on any level); what we might be seeing down the road are

varieties of presencing in which the image is what you might see and might

have, and maybe not even that. So in the long run we might look towards a

phenomenology of the imaginary, as the imaginary, in the world, replaces

the obdurate of the real-inert. Beneath both are the regimes of slaughter

and extinction, so that the imaginary is also a dream-screen of the

fractured image, a moment of solace where thinking and the freedom of

thinking are permitted. At this point, we might not be able to reasonably

hope for anything more; humankind is at the verge of the verge, so to

speak/dance, and will probably remain there, as the very real population

of the planet continues to increase somewhat exponentially. So the hope is

that the imaginary is also a back-door to a better future - there's a

utopian impulse in all of this, which may of course be subverted...

[Thanks to Foofa d'Imobilite, Azure Carter, Edward Henkel, and the 92nd

Street Y.]

VR Improvised

Anything is possible in the virtual.

Inscription is absolutely cut off from the real.

Inscription cannot be sutured into the real.

The virtual is disposable.

The structure of the virtual is substitution.

Substitution implies creation and annihilation.

0 may be substituted for 1.

1 may be substituted for 0.

The formula of the virtual is [any][any].

The formula of the real is [1][1].

The real is sutured to the annihilation of inscription.

The real de-; the virtual in-.

Nothing is possible in the real.

Suffering is ontology; the virtual Occupies epistemology.

The real is neither here nor there.

The virtual is multiple.

The real is extruded from the real; the real intrudes on the real.

The virtual divides infinitely; the real divides perversely.

Neither the real divides the virtual nor the virtual divides the real.

The ontology of number is practico-inert.

The ontology of the virtual is imaginary.

We know that the real and the virtual are imaginary.

We know that the imaginary inhabits abjection.

We know that abjection inhabits the imaginary.

Abjection inhabits the real insofar as the imaginary.

The virtual expels abjection; abjection is beyond the Pale.

The Pale is its own configuration.

The Pale confines the real.

Everything and nothing are possible in the Pale.

The Pale is beyond the Pale; there is no interior.

The real is multiple by virtue of the virtual.

The virtual is fractured by the real.

The virtual takes all the time in the world.

The real takes none of it.

The virtual takes all the space in the world.

The real takes none of it.

The Pale rides the back of the real; the real fucks the Pale.

And in the virtual? Anything is possible in the virtual.

"Shall I, then, give everything away,"

"Shall I, then, give everything away,"

Shall I, then, give everything away,

If not tomorrow, then today?

Down by the courtyard, out by the gate,

Whatever the weather, it's death I await.

It will begin. My brain will sever

Something once, and then never.

These objects are all that remain of the fray

That threw me down on a grey dull day.

Ignorance will become my fate,

Or broken thoughts at any rate:

And I will transform and sever

That last linger, that comes never.

... and I found myself loathe to leave the site, and touch it, and are

distressed at, and ashamed of, and loathe it. But in mankind--I am a

crocodile.' He now caught hold of the bed cloathes and closure, our

winding cloth, the universe is always cloathed, daddy, ... cloud, mist

mist, fog, grey and brittle, cloathed, uncloathed, my bones always

cloathed, daddy, ... daddy, ... the universe threading its way universe is

always cloathed, daddy, ... daddy, ... the universe threading winding

cloth, the universe is always cloathed, daddy, ... daddy, ... the pool or

a mist, surely a fog, ... a fog ? ... cloathed and uncloathed, uncloathed

among us, the brittle fog, ... the mist, ... the mist ? ... universe is

always cloathed, daddy, ... daddy, ... the universe threading always

cloathed, daddy, ... daddy, ... the universe threading its way our winding

cloth, the universe is always cloathed, daddy, ... daddy, ... always

cloathed, daddy ? ... daddy, ... the universe threading its way our

winding cloth, the universe is always cloathed, daddy, ... daddy ...

touch it, and are distressed at, and ashamed of, and loathe it. but in the

universe, I am loathed, and loathe to sever ? ... never.

Exchange Rate

our eyes met. it was at that moment s/he knew s/he'd sign up. I leaned
over to clinch the deal. s/he looked me up and down I was swollen in all
the right places and then some. Chinatour gained another satisfied
customer, hir fantasy money in the bank. let's call this piece Exchange
Rate. geodesics make geodesy. I couldn't forget my future s/he said to no
one in particular. Chinatour will take care of that I said to no one in
particular. :leased hir body hir sheave-skin distended in all the right
places, for what, for Chinatour, the mountain says it all, hir body in the
foreground. I can't see clearly I said, I'm distracted. that's my job,
s/he said, I'm Chinatour, if you look at me I make money for them, you
can't help it, I can't help it, they pay me, they can't help it either.
where do they go I asked. who. Chinatour. s/he replied not to China that's
for sure. I don't know. but they use the Sung backdrop, Fan-Kuin, some-
thing like that, I don't speak the language. you can't see anything s/he
added, the fog's in the way. it's you not the fog I said and let it go at
that. Chinatour gains a point, maybe five. it's more than I'll ever see.
and these photos, incredible. almost like the real thing. there are no
real things around here. they're as real as they get, you just don't see
them. at least I see, s/he replied. at least I see as well I said not
catching the drift into body and fog, sheave-skin and mountain. our eyes
met.:leased hir body for that ad for Chinatour who knew what would come of
the foreground effacing tao-mudra w/ hermit in the distance well s/he
needed monie as s/he said and flight was easy it's our world s/he said,
there's no tao. there's no tao, nothing, not even emptiness, everything
stricture s/he said, you can't have a thing without a frame & a frame
without a thing. but I can fly s/he said & that's the tao of Chinatour you
can always have an image of the thing if you can't have the thing itself.
even emptiness I asked. even emptiness, if there's no way just turn the
screen off, I won't know, time stops when I'm gone, when I'm back it's
like I never left. even if things changed I asked. I begin where I begin
s/he replied. look at me. I'm ready for it. what's that I asked. movement,
process, s/he said, I can't go farther, Chinatour is looking for me:China-
tour, the velvet fog of the world:Chinatour satisfies your customer:China-
tour, the velvet fog of the world:Chinatour, when your day is done ours
ust begins :Chinatour, when there's smoke there's mountain

from ESP-Disk night performance at the Bowery Poetry Club (for Barnacled and my re-release of an ESP recording: http://www.alansondheim.org/esp2.mp3

Apologies for not responding here; I've been working on things like the enclosed . The video contains two avatars; each is created with motion capture used simultaneously by two people (therefore four people in all); the stills are from head and body scans of dancers that are then attached to the avatars; in other words there is an entire community here invisible and visible; dancers are Kira Sedlock and Foofwa d'Imobilite; programmer is Gary Manes; production etc. myself; choreography mixed; technical Azure Carter; created at the Virtual Environments Lab, West Virginia University. For a more detailed rendering of the video try http://www.alansondheim.org/riddle.mov . This work consists of duals, as if the pre- or proto-linguistic self-constructed from oppositions that dissolve into the abject.

outline of emanent research

(note while the notions of 'code,' 'coding,' 'decoding,' codework,
underlie almost everything below, they're not explicit - nor are the
actions of reading and writing. the actions can be considered emergent
phenomena, and the notions as primitives in the sense of members of a set,
etc. again, the analog and digital phenomenologies are implicit as well,
as are the (related) concepts of abjection and purification. the analyses
of these comes out through praxis, attention to detail, thinking through
mandalic structuring until the scaffolding leads, not to silence, but to
tending. this should be clearer as the work progresses.

i should note that the following is both a constitution of my usual/cur-
rent directions and most likely too ambitious. the trajectories circulate
around formal systems and their psychoanalytic/psychological receptivi-
ties, around emanents and 'true worlds,' around edge phenomena which turn
towards the uncanny and abject, around languages, bodies, sexualities,
communalities, and inhabitations. i have increasingly worked through
buddhist philosophies, the analogic and digital at the limits, notions of
'dis/eased' philosophies, deathing and uneasy worlds. now that i have a
clear time to think through these things, the outline below is useful as a
guide; for that matter, it's a guide to the past few years of the 'inter-
net text' as well.)

I. motion capture: this conjures up external behavioral characteristics
translated into internal processes (penetration, scale, displacement,
torsion, according to various geometries). think of mocap behaviors
operating within a constrained field with strange attractors / catas-
trophic jumps. continue to develop mocap with new multi-valent sensors
and software rewrites:

1. turning nodes on and off
2. combining nodes
3. mathesis such that node1 = f(node{n not = 1}), or such that
node1 = recursively f(node1)
4. multivalent sensors such that sensor(x) = sensor[{n}]

what are the emergent images here?

what is the possibility of constructing bvh files with additional nodes
determined mathematically from the hardware set? or mathematically from
extraneous data?

what is the possibility of other organic models (i.e. than human or
animal forms)?

IA. data remappings

entry of bvh files into blender:
1. modeled onto abstracted forms
2. modeled onto parent/child forms
3. modeled onto metaball forms

blender file outputs:

1. entry into cave environment: static or dynamic
2. video output
3. what is the possibility of gaming output here? (moving around emanent
environment)
3. second life output: static or dynamic/interactive

IB. interiors

1. standardized interiors: sheave-skin, sheave-organism
2. constructed 'model' interiors: solid, transparent, penetrable,
impenetrable
3. abject fluxed interiors: how should these be constructed?

IC. interior narratologies

1. abject/purified narratologies and emanent interactions
2. abjected/purified contents of dis/ease, dis/order, ecstasy, ekstasis,
catatonia, defuge, death/immobility, sexuality, speech/murmured/
whispered/cried/screamed, body formed/deformed
3. tantric/middleway theoretics

ID. choreographic mocap (see above)

1. additional issues of jump/leap, exhaustion, tether
2. video/photographic output as well as bvh

II. scan

phenomenology of scanning, causality across scanned lines

IIA. small scanner

1. head/speech phenomena dissected
2. schizophrenias and beam-splitters
3. reflections from coils, air condensers
4. static tantric buddha image: sutured, stitched-displaced, node
combinations and splits
5. wounds, scars, lips, genitals, ears

output into .obj files into blender/cave
output into video/still image files

within blender: solve the issue of disappearance/transparency

IIIB. large scanner

1. interior scans: rooms with bodies, reflections, dance-studio,
scan-choreographies
2. exterior scans at bretz coke ovens, persona rapid transit (in motion),
soccer fields
3. mobilized body scans in inert environments: reading 2d -> 3d, nature of
the inference.
3. environmental scans with mobilized and peripheral bodies
5. narratologies of such bodies: violence, chase, jump/fall, etc.
6. choreographic narratologies

III. access grid (open source internet 2 group messaging/environment)

1. distant interaction with emanents
2. readings of the corporate / corporate bodies: photographs/video
3. theory and discussion, levinas, leder, lingis, etc. at the distance
of telecommunications

IV. cave and second life

1. performance and documentation
2. working/running within emanent interiors
3. and so forth

V. goals of the above:

1. what does it mean to be in-carnated within the real/virtual/
true world?
2. what are the edge-phenomena/plastic and static limits of the body?
3. of the geopolitical body? of the political-economic body?
performance: abu-gharayb modeling in sl
performance: abu-gharayb modeling in choreography
4. what are the signifiers of bodily arousal/violence/meditation?
how are these constituted within the real/virtual?
5. readings: what does it mean to read the real body? the virtual body?
6. what are the ontologies and epistemologies involved here?
ontological status of the so-called virtual -
schrodinger's cat paradox and collapse of the wave function as model
for simultaneous analogic/digital readings -
seeing through microscopy (tunnel, scanning, optical, etc.):
are ontology and epistemology equivalent at the limit?
(are analogic and digital equivalent at a parallel limit?)

VI. medical model

1. internals and externals, static/dynamic. remnants of the visible
human project, gendering of the visual/internal
2. comfort, dis/comfort, ease, dis/ease, hysteria and abjection/fluid-
ity (laycock's 1840 essay on hysteria, kristeva, chasseguet-smirgel)
3. dis/ease, hysteria, and so forth of emanents
distorted emanent behavior and body image (gaz)
distorted surface textures and behavior-collisions (sondheim)
distorted worlding, 'bringing one out of the true world' (etc.)
4. medical model and technology
5. psychoanalytics and technology, psychoanalytics of emanents

VII. radio

1. vlf - very low frequency - body interferences with antenna
reception, phenomenology of body coupling with antenna
2. scanner - social, continuous socio-political landscape description.
3. sw - anomalous signals
4. long-wave - anomalous signals
5. crystal - the receptivity of inert materials, primordial radio and
primordial radio culture
6. phenomenology of the antenna/field: materiality of the world as
electromagnetic channeling

VIII. emanents within fieldings, choreographies, edge/boundary phenomena

VIIIA. praxis of edge/boundary phenomena

1. analogic and worn emanent boundaries
2. edge / boundary phenomena - physics and psychophysics of the game-
world edge in second life
3. phenomena of the sheave-skin and sheave-skin internals
4. phenomena of medical models in relation to edge/boundaries

VIIIB. praxis of edge/boundary phenomena with hardware/software

1. edge phenomena in literature, codework, mathesis of the text
(cramer's and reith's programs)
2. edge phenomena within the motion capture software, poser, blender,
calculations for example of sin(tan x) as tan x nears the
asymptote
3. generalization of edge phenomena into the dialectic between tacit
knowledge (polyani) and error (winograd/flores)

VIIIC. live choreographies:

1. foofwa and soccer (edge phenomena, dancesport, etc.)
2. foofwa with crystal radio, vlf radio, etc. in large field
3. sexuality of ballet (nude ballet, classical or genre figures),
gendering of roles, ballet as emanation
4. anita berber narratologies ('annihilation: to the limit!')
5. foofwa dancework at coke ovens
6. 'body-contouring' of dance/geography
the geography of dance, dance of geography, dance geography
7. 'body-contouring' of dance/technology: dance at the limits
of the machine

IX. world-constructions

1. what constitutes worlds? constructing?
world of the text, inhabitation/dwelling/building (heidegger,
dufrenne)
2. what constitutes the true world? worlding?
'true world' in which lines/angles are 'trued' (affine geometry),
'true world' in the sense of 'trued' phenomenologies within which
virtual, real, and ikonic are blurred and interpenetrating, somewhat
equivalent, and within which traditional epistemologies of symbol/
sign/signifier/signified/index/ikon etc. break down (kalachakra
tantra, jeffrey hopkins)
3. 'reading' underlying (substructural, configuration files, guides)
organization of mocap/scan through surface phenomena
(and the relationship of this reading to waddington's epigenetic
landscapes)
4. who is world? communality, consensuality?
the problem of other minds and the problem of consensual other minds
(group hallucinations, vijnanavada, dwarf sitings, ufos, etc.)




===





These images are produced from scanners, motion capture, anything that can analyze or transform the body in unexpected ways. For theory there are the pm.txt, pn.txt, po.txt going up and on at http://www.alansondheim.org/
- please check for details. Thanks

From sondheim@panix.com Wed Jan 2 22:33:
Date: Wed, 2 Jan :33: (EST)
From: Alan Sondheim
To: Cyb , Wryting-L

Subject: Boojum




Boojum


Our cat, Boojum, had to be put to sleep today, in our arms, two days after
her 18th birthday. We were closer to her than most people. She meditated.
She taught patience. We're distraught; she was a good friend, a companion
who helped us through bleak times. She loved olives, asparagus, tomato
sauce. She was beginning to close down; her last purring was about ten
days ago. Losing a companion (Haraway's companion species) is as bad a
loss as any other (in spite of my father, who said, It's not like losing a
person you know). I can't do elegy after days of crying, running to emer-
gency rooms, trying different foods and medication. Below is her Internet
Index, within the crabbed space of my webpage.


her name, boojum, jean-paul, others
her name, boojum, jean-paul, others
her name, boojum, jean-paul, others
her name, boojum, jean-paul, others
name, boojum, jean-paul, others her name, boojum, jean-paul, others her
name, boojum, jean-paul, others her name, boojum, jean-paul, others hear
the despair among the carbon cacti, boojum trees, even in the midst of the
name, boojum, jean-paul, others her name, boojum, jean-paul, others her
name, boojum, jean-paul, others her name, boojum, jean-paul, others hear
the despair among the carbon cacti, boojum trees, even in the midst of the
Aditya A boggart bogle bonachus bonasus bonedevil bonnacon boobrie boojum
hear the despair among the carbon cacti, boojum trees, even in the midst
forgotten. Now, 2007, we are bringing our cat Boojum, this May 29, to Hope
2003 Boojum the cat who adopted me in 1990, developed breast cancer. She
The cat, Boojum, imagining her, the tenor of her fur, quality of her eyes,
:Boojum Carter
Comments by writer: Boojum is named after the Boojum tree in Baja
fury of cancer and creation. Azure and I are beside ourselves, and Boojum
Boojum, our cat, is checked now daily for a resurgence of cancer; we can't
cat, Boojum, imagining her, the tenor of her fur, quality of her eyes,
Boojum Carter Comments by writer: Boojum is named after the Boojum tree in
Boojum Boojum, our cat, is checked now daily for a resurgence of cancer;
cat, Boojum, imagining her, the tenor of her fur, quality of her eyes,
Boojum Carter Comments by writer: Boojum is named after the Boojum tree in
Boojum Boojum, our cat, is checked now daily for a resurgence of cancer;
partner, Azure Carter, and their cat, Boojum.


Boojum Carter (medical report four years ago)


feline, aged 13 1/2, four years after our mother's death, biopsy diagnosed
as follows:

Microscopic: MAMMARY MASS ONE - This mass is demarcated and has a well
localized appearance. It is comprised of a collection of neoplastic
epithelial cells that are forming tubules. The tubules are separated by
variably thick connective tissue septa. The neoplastic cells have ovoid
stippled nuclei and a scant amount of eosinophilic cytoplasm. Cytoplasmic
borders are distinct. The mitotic rate is low and ranges from 0-1 per
high-power field. Nonneoplastic tissue is forming margins. There are
scattered aggregates of lymphocytes and plasma cells surrounding the
growth MAMMARY MASS TWO - This is the larger of the growths evaluated.
There are several large cysts. There is a proliferating population of
neoplastic epithelial cells. The cells are organized in the lobules that
are forming occasional tubules. The central areas of the lobules are
degenerate. Neoplastic cells exhibit invasion. One or two layers of cells
line the tubules. The cells have large round vesicular nuclei with
multiple nucleoli. The cytoplasm is eosinophilic, scant and cytoplasmic
borders are distinct. The mitotic rate ranges up to six per high-power
field. Nonneoplastic tissue is forming margins.

DIAGNOSIS: MAMMARY MASS ONE- MAMMARY GLAD ADENOCARCINOMA, TUBULAR, LOW
GRADE MAMMARY MASS TWO - MAMMARY GLAND ADENOCARCINOMA, TUBULAR CYSTIC

PROGNOSIS: Guarded

COMMENTS: Feline mammary malignancies should be considered capable of
metastasis and warrant a guarded prognosis at best. The first smaller
growth evaluated is well localized and is not exhibiting invasion. This
appears to be a well-differentiated adenocarcinoma. The second growth is
exhibiting invasion and this growth should be considered as having
potential for metastasis. Lymphatic invasion is not identified with any of
the sections evaluated. These growths appear to be excised.

Comments by doctor: Guarded. Felines tend not to recover. She might live
six months, several years, or less. There is no way to tell. She needs
immune system fortification. The doctor wishes her news would have been
better. The question is whether or not the tubules remain within the body.
The cancer could spread rapidly or even go into remission.

Comments by writer: Boojum is named after the Boojum tree in Baja
California. She is thirteen and a half. She exhibits no signs of illness.
She has been my companion and is highly sociable and nervous, She has the
personality, if not the skills, of a brilliant writer. At the moment she
is sleeping, recovering from the removal of her stitches. She travelled
with us to Miami, where she encountered, even indoors, new and interesting
forms of flora and fauna. Azure and I pray that she will live forever.

Comments: That cancer is always the same, disordered, disorderly, a tough
go whose treatment is violent and invasive as well. The well-defined
structure of the body begins to collapse as tunnels are formed through
highly-organized tissue.

Every organism is a world of miracles, and every creature dissolves in the
fury of cancer and creation. Azure and I are beside ourselves, and Boojum
Carter dreams now, not of death.




From sondheim@panix.com Thu Jan 3 08:39:
Date: Thu, 3 Jan :39: (EST)
From: Alan Sondheim
To: arc.hive@anart.no
Subject: elegy for Boojum, our companion cat, we are all poor




elegy for Boojum, our companion cat, we are all poor,


'i can't do elegy' -
this is a poor and sleepless poem -
when something's at the limit there's nothing more to say -
for a moment i might have reversed the process
but heard nothing more than wailing or sounds like an animal -
nothing of crying, just tattered sound -
nothing of warning, fear, existence, trepidation -
nothing can be said on either side of death -
neither this one nor that one -
neither this nor the other -
death is an other -
(eighteen years, and death is an other) -
death is everywhere, death is not around -
(eighteen years, and death is everywhere,
death is poor, death is not around) -
always already other can't speak can't hear can't see -
double needles, of sedative, of anesthetic overdose -
doubled needles -
who are these people & their kindness -
(eighteen years and the kindness of strangers) -
i'm done with it, the other's never done with it -
always the last trip last day last night
last meal last touch last scent last sound -
(eighteen years and the last day and night,
last touch and meal, last scent and sound) -
in and out of the thick of it -
the thick of it never changed -
it stayed dry, viscous, substance and fissure -
it's uncomfortable, stains, sticks to everything -
lives on in us, exchanged, drops to the ground -
crawls out, walks to the sea, drops to the ground -
i can't drop to the ground, i drop to the ground -
there's an elegy on, everyone's there -
she says i think we're at the beginning of speech -
she says she's very sad and wants to go hone -
she stood dry, unattended -
(eighteen years and dry and unattended,
accompanied and unaccompanied, who can go
into and out of the world) -
the fire went out, into the world --
today someone counted elements,
earth, fire, water, wind, air, heat, dearth,
wood, & metal -
(eighteen years and the counting of elements) -
how was the air, the air was cold, bitter,
the wind harsh, we turned the carrier against
the wind, dearth of it all, harboring a flame
until the last, dying in our arms, the metal table,
off to a far wood of hunting -
the world is filled with secret coordinates -
impermanence of the metallic -
she says she thought of the limit -
in a small heaven somewhere -
& now we are silent in the night, existence is silent -
existence crawls, we heard her cries, the catheter
carefully inserted elsewhere in the building -
we held her heat against us, we exchanged heat -
the tablets - prayer wheel spinning above a slow flame -
we couldn't bear to empty her water, clean
her bowl of food, now despair reigns, & in our arms
nothing happened, everything seized --
'this is a poor and sleepless poem' -
without goodbyes, with ill-knowledge,
with infinite regret, with the world undone -
(eighteen years and the world undone) -
ah ah ah ah
ah ah ah ah
ah ah ah ah
ah ah ah ah

2 images, Azure and samisen during packing, so many hidden instruments, count them all. but then a fan which (all but) disappears as all fans do, into the background (and the real, taking slightly more time). what more can I say but Queneau, stylistic exercises. in my life, I prepare for a continuous leavetaking - I realized I haven't had even the semblance of a 'steady job,' that is a situation that seemed as if it might continue, since 1985, which means 23 years of scurrying. so I will die most likely rather soon - I feel the increased stress constantly - for which purpose I suggest you download as much as possible, as quickly as possible, whatever you might like, just on the offchance that the site goes fallow, that I'm unable to keep up payments for pecuniary or health reasons. in the meantime do check out the current, December, issue of Signal to Noise, p. 44 for an excellent article on my work - I do say so myself - every so often someone seems to have gotten it 'right,' by which I mean of course, something I agree with, no more and no less. Also if you have the chance, check out, in whatever stage of progress, Barbara Caspar's film Acker, on Kathy Acker - again, a getting-it-right; I saw this at MOMA here in NY and was tremendously moved. (Most work I've seen on Kathy makes claims one way or another, 'claiming Kathy' - this film, as much as possible (disclaimer here), give her the presence of the fullness of her speech, not that of others.)

a

fetal and fetal-field, more importations of human plasmatic neoplasm organism into programs of restructuration, retaining and amplifying abject deconstruction.

experiments with human modeling through a variety of programs passing matrices, objects, structures, vectors, from one to another, programs include Second Life, mocap, Blender, CS, Poser, scanning softwares, etc.

chirality, in this space

for 64 move upward 66
for 63 move rightward 63
for 62 move forward 62
for 61 move downward 61
for 60 move leftward 60
for 59 move backward 59
for 58 move upward 58
for 57 move rightward 57
for 56 move forward 56
for 55 move downward 55
for 54 move leftward 54
for 53 move backward 53
for 52 move upward 52
for 51 move rightward 51
for 50 move forward 50
for 49 move downward 49
for 48 move leftward 48

Yamatantra debris / ex-caliber /

identify with Yamantaka Vajrabhairava an occurrence from 1st thru 2nd life then identify with nothing at all when the space abandons itself



second life third life

begin by setting out directions, these are the five healthy directions,
the middle direction is one of exhaustion and ecstasy, then in the
direction opposite the middle direction set out the last direction, which
is one of wounding and suffering. if the middle direction is reception,
the last direction is penetration, if the last direction is reception, the
middle direction is penetration. set the house in order from the middle
direction outward, these are the spokes which narrow to the point of
intersection between the middle direction and last direction. now forget
the four directions, concentrate on the spokes, the point, the middle and
the last direction. then concentrate on the spokes, forget the point, the
middle and the last direction, the spokes come close to the point, forever
close to the point, but the point is absent, emptiness, emptiness radiates
outward between the spokes. now forget the spokes, emptiness radiates
among the ghosts of them, the spokes are hungry ghosts, they gnaw at
emptiness, they are wounded, they are defeated, they disappear. now think
of emptiness, think of nothing else, think of nothing. now you have laid
out the house and the world and the word, but you are in ignorance, you do
not know house or world or word, if you think house or world or word you
must begin again, laying out the five directions and so forth. now you
have come to an end and you are ready to begin, you have come to the
beginning, and you are ready to end. now continue.

you must imagine now yourself and house and world and word annihilated,
you must imagine annihilation of annihilation. you must imagine almost all
pleasure, among taste of delight and touch of exaltation, and among scent
of numinous being and sight of untold beauty and hearing of harmonious
sounds. now you must imagine another being joined to yourself and house
and world and word, you must imagine penetration reception and reception
penetration, you must imagine fullness and overflowing of delight. now you
will find you are creating and you are making sheave-woman and sheave-man,
you are sheave-woman and sheave-man, you have sheave-sight-and-sound, you
have sheave-touch-and-scent, you have sheave-taste-and-mind, you have
sheave-passion and sheave-ecstasy. now you will walk and remember, you
will remember everything, and you will speak and hear, see and taste, you
will forbid nothing, you will not be forbidden, you will rise above and
sink below, you will be among the direction of wounded and suffering. now
you will do this for a long time, for aeons.

now you will embrace emptiness, you are making sheave-other, you are
making sheave-emptiness, you are making wrath, are making creation, are
making annihilation. now you are making annihilation, now you are among
them, beneath them, above them, now you are beyond them. now you are no
longer imagining, you are no longer thinking among them, you are no longer
thinking, no longer sheave, no longer thought, now you are annihilation,
now you are making nothing, now you are annihilation, now you destroy
house and world and word, now you are destroyed, now you are annihilation,
you are free, you are emptiness, you are annihilation, you are emptiness,
now you are free.



Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Julu: Say Nikuko.
Nikuko: Say Everything.
Julu: Say Julu.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Julu.



almost a sonnet -

Azure wakes up in the middle of the night, she says
she says, well I say, I'm getting up here in Denver,
there might be coyotes - I say, are you awake, feeling
a bit moronic with the possibility of an 'of course' -
she replies you have to get out of the way - I say, of
what - of the man with the cart - what man - the man
with the cart - I look, we're in a small room, surely,
if there were a man with a cart, I'd see him - well he
was behind the cart - but still - I look around, she's
awake now - I say where did he come from - she says
she says, from the closet - she says from the closet -
I can't sleep, it's 3am or 4am - I say, I'm getting up,
I rise like the dark sun of her dreams - she's sleeping
again, I dress in the dark, look out the window - no
coyotes to be seen, no man, no cart, no me, I walk down
the hall, open the laptop, write this, almost a sonnet -