outline of emanent research

(note while the notions of 'code,' 'coding,' 'decoding,' codework,
underlie almost everything below, they're not explicit - nor are the
actions of reading and writing. the actions can be considered emergent
phenomena, and the notions as primitives in the sense of members of a set,
etc. again, the analog and digital phenomenologies are implicit as well,
as are the (related) concepts of abjection and purification. the analyses
of these comes out through praxis, attention to detail, thinking through
mandalic structuring until the scaffolding leads, not to silence, but to
tending. this should be clearer as the work progresses.

i should note that the following is both a constitution of my usual/cur-
rent directions and most likely too ambitious. the trajectories circulate
around formal systems and their psychoanalytic/psychological receptivi-
ties, around emanents and 'true worlds,' around edge phenomena which turn
towards the uncanny and abject, around languages, bodies, sexualities,
communalities, and inhabitations. i have increasingly worked through
buddhist philosophies, the analogic and digital at the limits, notions of
'dis/eased' philosophies, deathing and uneasy worlds. now that i have a
clear time to think through these things, the outline below is useful as a
guide; for that matter, it's a guide to the past few years of the 'inter-
net text' as well.)

I. motion capture: this conjures up external behavioral characteristics
translated into internal processes (penetration, scale, displacement,
torsion, according to various geometries). think of mocap behaviors
operating within a constrained field with strange attractors / catas-
trophic jumps. continue to develop mocap with new multi-valent sensors
and software rewrites:

1. turning nodes on and off
2. combining nodes
3. mathesis such that node1 = f(node{n not = 1}), or such that
node1 = recursively f(node1)
4. multivalent sensors such that sensor(x) = sensor[{n}]

what are the emergent images here?

what is the possibility of constructing bvh files with additional nodes
determined mathematically from the hardware set? or mathematically from
extraneous data?

what is the possibility of other organic models (i.e. than human or
animal forms)?

IA. data remappings

entry of bvh files into blender:
1. modeled onto abstracted forms
2. modeled onto parent/child forms
3. modeled onto metaball forms

blender file outputs:

1. entry into cave environment: static or dynamic
2. video output
3. what is the possibility of gaming output here? (moving around emanent
environment)
3. second life output: static or dynamic/interactive

IB. interiors

1. standardized interiors: sheave-skin, sheave-organism
2. constructed 'model' interiors: solid, transparent, penetrable,
impenetrable
3. abject fluxed interiors: how should these be constructed?

IC. interior narratologies

1. abject/purified narratologies and emanent interactions
2. abjected/purified contents of dis/ease, dis/order, ecstasy, ekstasis,
catatonia, defuge, death/immobility, sexuality, speech/murmured/
whispered/cried/screamed, body formed/deformed
3. tantric/middleway theoretics

ID. choreographic mocap (see above)

1. additional issues of jump/leap, exhaustion, tether
2. video/photographic output as well as bvh

II. scan

phenomenology of scanning, causality across scanned lines

IIA. small scanner

1. head/speech phenomena dissected
2. schizophrenias and beam-splitters
3. reflections from coils, air condensers
4. static tantric buddha image: sutured, stitched-displaced, node
combinations and splits
5. wounds, scars, lips, genitals, ears

output into .obj files into blender/cave
output into video/still image files

within blender: solve the issue of disappearance/transparency

IIIB. large scanner

1. interior scans: rooms with bodies, reflections, dance-studio,
scan-choreographies
2. exterior scans at bretz coke ovens, persona rapid transit (in motion),
soccer fields
3. mobilized body scans in inert environments: reading 2d -> 3d, nature of
the inference.
3. environmental scans with mobilized and peripheral bodies
5. narratologies of such bodies: violence, chase, jump/fall, etc.
6. choreographic narratologies

III. access grid (open source internet 2 group messaging/environment)

1. distant interaction with emanents
2. readings of the corporate / corporate bodies: photographs/video
3. theory and discussion, levinas, leder, lingis, etc. at the distance
of telecommunications

IV. cave and second life

1. performance and documentation
2. working/running within emanent interiors
3. and so forth

V. goals of the above:

1. what does it mean to be in-carnated within the real/virtual/
true world?
2. what are the edge-phenomena/plastic and static limits of the body?
3. of the geopolitical body? of the political-economic body?
performance: abu-gharayb modeling in sl
performance: abu-gharayb modeling in choreography
4. what are the signifiers of bodily arousal/violence/meditation?
how are these constituted within the real/virtual?
5. readings: what does it mean to read the real body? the virtual body?
6. what are the ontologies and epistemologies involved here?
ontological status of the so-called virtual -
schrodinger's cat paradox and collapse of the wave function as model
for simultaneous analogic/digital readings -
seeing through microscopy (tunnel, scanning, optical, etc.):
are ontology and epistemology equivalent at the limit?
(are analogic and digital equivalent at a parallel limit?)

VI. medical model

1. internals and externals, static/dynamic. remnants of the visible
human project, gendering of the visual/internal
2. comfort, dis/comfort, ease, dis/ease, hysteria and abjection/fluid-
ity (laycock's 1840 essay on hysteria, kristeva, chasseguet-smirgel)
3. dis/ease, hysteria, and so forth of emanents
distorted emanent behavior and body image (gaz)
distorted surface textures and behavior-collisions (sondheim)
distorted worlding, 'bringing one out of the true world' (etc.)
4. medical model and technology
5. psychoanalytics and technology, psychoanalytics of emanents

VII. radio

1. vlf - very low frequency - body interferences with antenna
reception, phenomenology of body coupling with antenna
2. scanner - social, continuous socio-political landscape description.
3. sw - anomalous signals
4. long-wave - anomalous signals
5. crystal - the receptivity of inert materials, primordial radio and
primordial radio culture
6. phenomenology of the antenna/field: materiality of the world as
electromagnetic channeling

VIII. emanents within fieldings, choreographies, edge/boundary phenomena

VIIIA. praxis of edge/boundary phenomena

1. analogic and worn emanent boundaries
2. edge / boundary phenomena - physics and psychophysics of the game-
world edge in second life
3. phenomena of the sheave-skin and sheave-skin internals
4. phenomena of medical models in relation to edge/boundaries

VIIIB. praxis of edge/boundary phenomena with hardware/software

1. edge phenomena in literature, codework, mathesis of the text
(cramer's and reith's programs)
2. edge phenomena within the motion capture software, poser, blender,
calculations for example of sin(tan x) as tan x nears the
asymptote
3. generalization of edge phenomena into the dialectic between tacit
knowledge (polyani) and error (winograd/flores)

VIIIC. live choreographies:

1. foofwa and soccer (edge phenomena, dancesport, etc.)
2. foofwa with crystal radio, vlf radio, etc. in large field
3. sexuality of ballet (nude ballet, classical or genre figures),
gendering of roles, ballet as emanation
4. anita berber narratologies ('annihilation: to the limit!')
5. foofwa dancework at coke ovens
6. 'body-contouring' of dance/geography
the geography of dance, dance of geography, dance geography
7. 'body-contouring' of dance/technology: dance at the limits
of the machine

IX. world-constructions

1. what constitutes worlds? constructing?
world of the text, inhabitation/dwelling/building (heidegger,
dufrenne)
2. what constitutes the true world? worlding?
'true world' in which lines/angles are 'trued' (affine geometry),
'true world' in the sense of 'trued' phenomenologies within which
virtual, real, and ikonic are blurred and interpenetrating, somewhat
equivalent, and within which traditional epistemologies of symbol/
sign/signifier/signified/index/ikon etc. break down (kalachakra
tantra, jeffrey hopkins)
3. 'reading' underlying (substructural, configuration files, guides)
organization of mocap/scan through surface phenomena
(and the relationship of this reading to waddington's epigenetic
landscapes)
4. who is world? communality, consensuality?
the problem of other minds and the problem of consensual other minds
(group hallucinations, vijnanavada, dwarf sitings, ufos, etc.)




===





These images are produced from scanners, motion capture, anything that can analyze or transform the body in unexpected ways. For theory there are the pm.txt, pn.txt, po.txt going up and on at http://www.alansondheim.org/
- please check for details. Thanks

From sondheim@panix.com Wed Jan 2 22:33:
Date: Wed, 2 Jan :33: (EST)
From: Alan Sondheim
To: Cyb , Wryting-L

Subject: Boojum




Boojum


Our cat, Boojum, had to be put to sleep today, in our arms, two days after
her 18th birthday. We were closer to her than most people. She meditated.
She taught patience. We're distraught; she was a good friend, a companion
who helped us through bleak times. She loved olives, asparagus, tomato
sauce. She was beginning to close down; her last purring was about ten
days ago. Losing a companion (Haraway's companion species) is as bad a
loss as any other (in spite of my father, who said, It's not like losing a
person you know). I can't do elegy after days of crying, running to emer-
gency rooms, trying different foods and medication. Below is her Internet
Index, within the crabbed space of my webpage.


her name, boojum, jean-paul, others
her name, boojum, jean-paul, others
her name, boojum, jean-paul, others
her name, boojum, jean-paul, others
name, boojum, jean-paul, others her name, boojum, jean-paul, others her
name, boojum, jean-paul, others her name, boojum, jean-paul, others hear
the despair among the carbon cacti, boojum trees, even in the midst of the
name, boojum, jean-paul, others her name, boojum, jean-paul, others her
name, boojum, jean-paul, others her name, boojum, jean-paul, others hear
the despair among the carbon cacti, boojum trees, even in the midst of the
Aditya A boggart bogle bonachus bonasus bonedevil bonnacon boobrie boojum
hear the despair among the carbon cacti, boojum trees, even in the midst
forgotten. Now, 2007, we are bringing our cat Boojum, this May 29, to Hope
2003 Boojum the cat who adopted me in 1990, developed breast cancer. She
The cat, Boojum, imagining her, the tenor of her fur, quality of her eyes,
:Boojum Carter
Comments by writer: Boojum is named after the Boojum tree in Baja
fury of cancer and creation. Azure and I are beside ourselves, and Boojum
Boojum, our cat, is checked now daily for a resurgence of cancer; we can't
cat, Boojum, imagining her, the tenor of her fur, quality of her eyes,
Boojum Carter Comments by writer: Boojum is named after the Boojum tree in
Boojum Boojum, our cat, is checked now daily for a resurgence of cancer;
cat, Boojum, imagining her, the tenor of her fur, quality of her eyes,
Boojum Carter Comments by writer: Boojum is named after the Boojum tree in
Boojum Boojum, our cat, is checked now daily for a resurgence of cancer;
partner, Azure Carter, and their cat, Boojum.


Boojum Carter (medical report four years ago)


feline, aged 13 1/2, four years after our mother's death, biopsy diagnosed
as follows:

Microscopic: MAMMARY MASS ONE - This mass is demarcated and has a well
localized appearance. It is comprised of a collection of neoplastic
epithelial cells that are forming tubules. The tubules are separated by
variably thick connective tissue septa. The neoplastic cells have ovoid
stippled nuclei and a scant amount of eosinophilic cytoplasm. Cytoplasmic
borders are distinct. The mitotic rate is low and ranges from 0-1 per
high-power field. Nonneoplastic tissue is forming margins. There are
scattered aggregates of lymphocytes and plasma cells surrounding the
growth MAMMARY MASS TWO - This is the larger of the growths evaluated.
There are several large cysts. There is a proliferating population of
neoplastic epithelial cells. The cells are organized in the lobules that
are forming occasional tubules. The central areas of the lobules are
degenerate. Neoplastic cells exhibit invasion. One or two layers of cells
line the tubules. The cells have large round vesicular nuclei with
multiple nucleoli. The cytoplasm is eosinophilic, scant and cytoplasmic
borders are distinct. The mitotic rate ranges up to six per high-power
field. Nonneoplastic tissue is forming margins.

DIAGNOSIS: MAMMARY MASS ONE- MAMMARY GLAD ADENOCARCINOMA, TUBULAR, LOW
GRADE MAMMARY MASS TWO - MAMMARY GLAND ADENOCARCINOMA, TUBULAR CYSTIC

PROGNOSIS: Guarded

COMMENTS: Feline mammary malignancies should be considered capable of
metastasis and warrant a guarded prognosis at best. The first smaller
growth evaluated is well localized and is not exhibiting invasion. This
appears to be a well-differentiated adenocarcinoma. The second growth is
exhibiting invasion and this growth should be considered as having
potential for metastasis. Lymphatic invasion is not identified with any of
the sections evaluated. These growths appear to be excised.

Comments by doctor: Guarded. Felines tend not to recover. She might live
six months, several years, or less. There is no way to tell. She needs
immune system fortification. The doctor wishes her news would have been
better. The question is whether or not the tubules remain within the body.
The cancer could spread rapidly or even go into remission.

Comments by writer: Boojum is named after the Boojum tree in Baja
California. She is thirteen and a half. She exhibits no signs of illness.
She has been my companion and is highly sociable and nervous, She has the
personality, if not the skills, of a brilliant writer. At the moment she
is sleeping, recovering from the removal of her stitches. She travelled
with us to Miami, where she encountered, even indoors, new and interesting
forms of flora and fauna. Azure and I pray that she will live forever.

Comments: That cancer is always the same, disordered, disorderly, a tough
go whose treatment is violent and invasive as well. The well-defined
structure of the body begins to collapse as tunnels are formed through
highly-organized tissue.

Every organism is a world of miracles, and every creature dissolves in the
fury of cancer and creation. Azure and I are beside ourselves, and Boojum
Carter dreams now, not of death.




From sondheim@panix.com Thu Jan 3 08:39:
Date: Thu, 3 Jan :39: (EST)
From: Alan Sondheim
To: arc.hive@anart.no
Subject: elegy for Boojum, our companion cat, we are all poor




elegy for Boojum, our companion cat, we are all poor,


'i can't do elegy' -
this is a poor and sleepless poem -
when something's at the limit there's nothing more to say -
for a moment i might have reversed the process
but heard nothing more than wailing or sounds like an animal -
nothing of crying, just tattered sound -
nothing of warning, fear, existence, trepidation -
nothing can be said on either side of death -
neither this one nor that one -
neither this nor the other -
death is an other -
(eighteen years, and death is an other) -
death is everywhere, death is not around -
(eighteen years, and death is everywhere,
death is poor, death is not around) -
always already other can't speak can't hear can't see -
double needles, of sedative, of anesthetic overdose -
doubled needles -
who are these people & their kindness -
(eighteen years and the kindness of strangers) -
i'm done with it, the other's never done with it -
always the last trip last day last night
last meal last touch last scent last sound -
(eighteen years and the last day and night,
last touch and meal, last scent and sound) -
in and out of the thick of it -
the thick of it never changed -
it stayed dry, viscous, substance and fissure -
it's uncomfortable, stains, sticks to everything -
lives on in us, exchanged, drops to the ground -
crawls out, walks to the sea, drops to the ground -
i can't drop to the ground, i drop to the ground -
there's an elegy on, everyone's there -
she says i think we're at the beginning of speech -
she says she's very sad and wants to go hone -
she stood dry, unattended -
(eighteen years and dry and unattended,
accompanied and unaccompanied, who can go
into and out of the world) -
the fire went out, into the world --
today someone counted elements,
earth, fire, water, wind, air, heat, dearth,
wood, & metal -
(eighteen years and the counting of elements) -
how was the air, the air was cold, bitter,
the wind harsh, we turned the carrier against
the wind, dearth of it all, harboring a flame
until the last, dying in our arms, the metal table,
off to a far wood of hunting -
the world is filled with secret coordinates -
impermanence of the metallic -
she says she thought of the limit -
in a small heaven somewhere -
& now we are silent in the night, existence is silent -
existence crawls, we heard her cries, the catheter
carefully inserted elsewhere in the building -
we held her heat against us, we exchanged heat -
the tablets - prayer wheel spinning above a slow flame -
we couldn't bear to empty her water, clean
her bowl of food, now despair reigns, & in our arms
nothing happened, everything seized --
'this is a poor and sleepless poem' -
without goodbyes, with ill-knowledge,
with infinite regret, with the world undone -
(eighteen years and the world undone) -
ah ah ah ah
ah ah ah ah
ah ah ah ah
ah ah ah ah

2 images, Azure and samisen during packing, so many hidden instruments, count them all. but then a fan which (all but) disappears as all fans do, into the background (and the real, taking slightly more time). what more can I say but Queneau, stylistic exercises. in my life, I prepare for a continuous leavetaking - I realized I haven't had even the semblance of a 'steady job,' that is a situation that seemed as if it might continue, since 1985, which means 23 years of scurrying. so I will die most likely rather soon - I feel the increased stress constantly - for which purpose I suggest you download as much as possible, as quickly as possible, whatever you might like, just on the offchance that the site goes fallow, that I'm unable to keep up payments for pecuniary or health reasons. in the meantime do check out the current, December, issue of Signal to Noise, p. 44 for an excellent article on my work - I do say so myself - every so often someone seems to have gotten it 'right,' by which I mean of course, something I agree with, no more and no less. Also if you have the chance, check out, in whatever stage of progress, Barbara Caspar's film Acker, on Kathy Acker - again, a getting-it-right; I saw this at MOMA here in NY and was tremendously moved. (Most work I've seen on Kathy makes claims one way or another, 'claiming Kathy' - this film, as much as possible (disclaimer here), give her the presence of the fullness of her speech, not that of others.)

a

fetal and fetal-field, more importations of human plasmatic neoplasm organism into programs of restructuration, retaining and amplifying abject deconstruction.

experiments with human modeling through a variety of programs passing matrices, objects, structures, vectors, from one to another, programs include Second Life, mocap, Blender, CS, Poser, scanning softwares, etc.

chirality, in this space

for 64 move upward 66
for 63 move rightward 63
for 62 move forward 62
for 61 move downward 61
for 60 move leftward 60
for 59 move backward 59
for 58 move upward 58
for 57 move rightward 57
for 56 move forward 56
for 55 move downward 55
for 54 move leftward 54
for 53 move backward 53
for 52 move upward 52
for 51 move rightward 51
for 50 move forward 50
for 49 move downward 49
for 48 move leftward 48

Yamatantra debris / ex-caliber /

identify with Yamantaka Vajrabhairava an occurrence from 1st thru 2nd life then identify with nothing at all when the space abandons itself



second life third life

begin by setting out directions, these are the five healthy directions,
the middle direction is one of exhaustion and ecstasy, then in the
direction opposite the middle direction set out the last direction, which
is one of wounding and suffering. if the middle direction is reception,
the last direction is penetration, if the last direction is reception, the
middle direction is penetration. set the house in order from the middle
direction outward, these are the spokes which narrow to the point of
intersection between the middle direction and last direction. now forget
the four directions, concentrate on the spokes, the point, the middle and
the last direction. then concentrate on the spokes, forget the point, the
middle and the last direction, the spokes come close to the point, forever
close to the point, but the point is absent, emptiness, emptiness radiates
outward between the spokes. now forget the spokes, emptiness radiates
among the ghosts of them, the spokes are hungry ghosts, they gnaw at
emptiness, they are wounded, they are defeated, they disappear. now think
of emptiness, think of nothing else, think of nothing. now you have laid
out the house and the world and the word, but you are in ignorance, you do
not know house or world or word, if you think house or world or word you
must begin again, laying out the five directions and so forth. now you
have come to an end and you are ready to begin, you have come to the
beginning, and you are ready to end. now continue.

you must imagine now yourself and house and world and word annihilated,
you must imagine annihilation of annihilation. you must imagine almost all
pleasure, among taste of delight and touch of exaltation, and among scent
of numinous being and sight of untold beauty and hearing of harmonious
sounds. now you must imagine another being joined to yourself and house
and world and word, you must imagine penetration reception and reception
penetration, you must imagine fullness and overflowing of delight. now you
will find you are creating and you are making sheave-woman and sheave-man,
you are sheave-woman and sheave-man, you have sheave-sight-and-sound, you
have sheave-touch-and-scent, you have sheave-taste-and-mind, you have
sheave-passion and sheave-ecstasy. now you will walk and remember, you
will remember everything, and you will speak and hear, see and taste, you
will forbid nothing, you will not be forbidden, you will rise above and
sink below, you will be among the direction of wounded and suffering. now
you will do this for a long time, for aeons.

now you will embrace emptiness, you are making sheave-other, you are
making sheave-emptiness, you are making wrath, are making creation, are
making annihilation. now you are making annihilation, now you are among
them, beneath them, above them, now you are beyond them. now you are no
longer imagining, you are no longer thinking among them, you are no longer
thinking, no longer sheave, no longer thought, now you are annihilation,
now you are making nothing, now you are annihilation, now you destroy
house and world and word, now you are destroyed, now you are annihilation,
you are free, you are emptiness, you are annihilation, you are emptiness,
now you are free.



Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Say everything.
Julu: Say nothing.
Julu: Say Nikuko.
Nikuko: Say Everything.
Julu: Say Julu.
Julu: Say nothing.
Nikuko: Julu.



almost a sonnet -

Azure wakes up in the middle of the night, she says
she says, well I say, I'm getting up here in Denver,
there might be coyotes - I say, are you awake, feeling
a bit moronic with the possibility of an 'of course' -
she replies you have to get out of the way - I say, of
what - of the man with the cart - what man - the man
with the cart - I look, we're in a small room, surely,
if there were a man with a cart, I'd see him - well he
was behind the cart - but still - I look around, she's
awake now - I say where did he come from - she says
she says, from the closet - she says from the closet -
I can't sleep, it's 3am or 4am - I say, I'm getting up,
I rise like the dark sun of her dreams - she's sleeping
again, I dress in the dark, look out the window - no
coyotes to be seen, no man, no cart, no me, I walk down
the hall, open the laptop, write this, almost a sonnet -

PLEASE NOTE:

My webpage is no longer http://www.asondheim.org but
http://www.alansondheim.org
Thank you.

savaged code

ps ml r yr ml an yt ml j hz ml uh ml aml ml af c ml ag uh an ah af an ah
ah c ah am j ah ap aag b ag ag baaiah bb ap ah bb b aibb bb am bb ch ap bb
d aw bb dd babb ds cc bb ecubb edd cc eeech eef cueg dd e gg ds egz eeeh g
eehb gz eehb hb f hb huff hb igg hb jj h hb jk hh hb jl ihb jl jj hh jl jl
hujl jn ijl jp iijl jq jk jl jr jm jl js jo jl js jq jm jt js jn jt jujojt
jw jq js jx jr js jy jt js k jv jt kajx jt kakajukakb jv kakd jx kakf k
kakg kb kakh kd kakh kf kb kh kh kc kikj kd kh kl kekh km kg kh kn kikh
kokk kikp km kikp kokj kp kq kk kp ks kl kp kt kn kp kukp kp kv kr kp kw
kt kp kw kv kq kw kx kr kw kz kt kw lakukw lb kw kw lc ky kw lc lakx ld lc
ky ld lekz ld lf l ld lh lb lc lild lc lj lf ld lk lh ld lk lj lelk ll lf
lk ln lg lk lolilk lp lk lk lq lm lk lr lolk lr lq ll lr ls lm lr lulolr
lw lp lr lx lr lr ly lt lr ly lv ls lz lx lt lz lz lulz malv lz mc lx lz
md ly lz mem lz mf mc lz mf mem mf mg mamf mimb mf mj md mf mk mf mf mm mh
mf mn mj mg mo mm mg momomh momq mj momr mk mn mt mn mn mump momumr momv
mt mp mv mv mq mv mx mr mv mz ms mv n mumv namw mv nb my mv nb n mw nb nc
mx nb nd my nb nf n nb ng nb nb nh nd nb ninf nc nj nh nc nj nj nd nj nl
nenj nm ng nj noninj np nk nj nq nm nj nq nonk nq nq nl nq ns nm nq nunn
nq nv np nq nw nr nq nx nt nq nx nv nr ny nx ns ny nz nt ny oanv nx ob nw
nx oc ny nx od ony oeoc ny oeoenz oeog ooeoh ob oeoj od oeok of oe ol oh
oeol oj of ol ol og ol on oh ol op oiol oq ok ol or om ol os oool ot oq om
ot os on ot ouooot ow op ot ox or ot oy ot ot oz ov ot p ox ot p oz oup
paov p pc ox p peoy p pf p p pg pb p pg pepaq pg pb q rh pc q s pd pg sk
pf pg sl q pg sp s q t sk q t sp rh t tt s t uusc t xl sl t yl t t z ut zz
xl t zz z tt zz pk uzz em xl zz y yl zz ----------- zz zz
--------------------------------------------------------------------- se
zz ---------------------------------------------------------------------
pt pk ad ----------- sead ad em ad bk pt ad di----------- ad fr
--------------------------------------------------------------------- ad
ac bk ad gc diad gc ac -jugc fabk gc ea/ gc tr fr gc ab gc gc us begc detr
fadeus fahehebeheretr dehw ab dest dedetibl detihw he bh st bl bh bh rebh
pr hw bh ak in bh sh tibh at um bh ar ribh ar at um ar av pr ar al riar wt
sh ar ex ar ar pl al ar es wt av cr pl av cr cr al cr et sw cr biex cr
jees cr ul ed cr tp bicr tp jeed tp tp et tp tubi tp gr witp sn ul tp _
qutp roaotp rosn qurc roturc dw aorovasn roge_ roterc rososarc im terc im
im dw im db saim as geim ur so im wh woim tm as im tm ur wotm tm db tm en
as tm iv citm ep wh tm it tx tm weeg tm weep tx auween aucp eg auis iv
audr it weay auauby ce auwr dr auwr by cp wr cy cewr cl dr wr br by wr
buwr wr sb cl wr sb br cy un sb taun cacl un iovisb ic busb ss un sb ph
ioun er ic un er ph caer ck ioer godaer hoss er ct er er iasuer vehoer
veiack veha suvefuhovers ct ve_of veve_th cove_th rn hae_re_th coe_re -..>
fue_rex rn e_refe_of _th ir e_re_th dy x e_redm fee_redm dy -..> dm il x
dm gh dodm el ir dm ek dm dm fieidm dp el dm dp fiil rt rt eirt gl el dp
ry ek dp ev dp dp yoth dp yoeort ug ev th ug ug gl ug dueoug ez ry ug wn
youg ty poug fohv ug foty poform dufofs hv fo rg wn fod- fofogivl foft rg
rm ws girm ws ws vl ws gafs ws aad- ft tn ft ft gb jiws - aaws - tn ji- -
ga- id aa- gj tf - sigb - gn tv - if cs - if sitv ieif id iegucs if hisiif
rr gn if ec ieif cg hiie i-biec iei-bii-bigui-bism up i-bivorr i-birl cg
i-biig n/ i-bi ht voi-biht rl n/ ht ht sm ht hy voht rufl ht rd ig ht tw
fm ht zora ht zord fm hn zohy hn -s rahn ut rd zoyw tw zoi/ hn zoputohn
boyw hn bobo-s bozitobov yw bogy pubopizibozev bozegy zizeze gf dc eb v
zepp ew zewapizeax dc zepw tb dc _pr wadc _pr pw eb _pr e/ tb _pr hp pp
_pr rp ax _pr vu_pr _pr fc ys _pr hq rp _pr hq fc e/ hq uays hq rv rp hq
dl vuhq yehq hq sy az hq sy dl uatc sy az tc eh rv tc _vt yatc i_cn yesy
f/ tc sy i_in _vt tc i_loi_cn tc i_loi_in eh i_lo g/ _vt i_lot/
i_bii_loi_tx f/ i_lots i_loi_louii_pv i_lotl i_tx i_lotl uig/ tl aq i_pv
tl uc i_tx tl uets tl sf tl tl ux eq tl ux ud aq uy sf eq uy uy uc uy ef
ud uy wl sf uy ip ux uy xv vv uy ps wl uy ps xv vv ps yr ef ps hz w ps ip
ps ps ps yt ps yr yr yt



Memory of a Walk


I walked last Wednesday night from the Modern Culture and Media building
at Brown University to the train station downtown. I took the 6:16 to New
York. It arrived around 9:50 at Penn Station. On the way I remembered the
walk. I followed myself step by step, reconstructing as I went along. This
was six days ago. Now again I remember.

What did you think you were doing?

Memory and reconstruction worries me. I wanted to follow myself. I didn't
think of this at the time, that is the time of the walk itself, but only
later. I conductor asked if I were a philosopher; I think I appeared deep
in thought. I wanted to remember as much as possible. Later, several times
in the past six days, I thought I would try and remember again, try to
write everything down. But I thought this would take too much effort; it
wasn't until now, Tuesday, that I've had the energy to proceed.

What did you take with you?

I'm clearing my belongings out of Leslie Thornton's office. This trip I
took, in addition to what I brought up, a Cambodian bowed instrument, a
pair of slippers, some extra toiletries, a white towel. The towel and a
plastic bag were wrapped around the instrument and inserted into a cloth
bag. It was damp out. I added a polka-dotted umbrella as well, in case I
needed it.

Where did you go?

I went down the stairs and out the front door. Susan and Ellen were in the
office talking. I didn't say anything to them. I walked out the door and
turned right.

What did you do then?

I walked to the corner. I thought about going straight down as usual, but
instead crossed the street. I began walking up a slight hill to the Brown
Quadrangle. I passed two people as I turned into the Quadrangle. I took a
diagonal left, which would leave me out between two libraries.

Wait, I remember crossing the first intersection. I think there was little
or no traffic.

Then?

Then I walked diagonally through the cold mist, almost but not quite a
rain. I went through the gates to the top of the street. I didn't notice
the sculpture on the left; usually I look at it. I crossed the street. I
was surprised there was no traffic. I thought that usually there was
traffic. I began the descent of the hill. I passed the location of the old
Brown Music Department, where I had played several times; I thought about
that. I didn't think about the arts building that replaced it. I went
straight down the hill. I arrived at Benefit Street.

At Benefit Street you had several choices. What did you decide here?

I crossed Benefit street; I believe there was some traffic, but I'm not
sure. I continued going down the hill. I passed a corner building and
looked in a window. I wondered whether the window was where my studio at
Rhode Island School of Design used to be. I thought again about the
accusation I had stolen equipment and wondered how S. could possibly think
that since I had no place to take it but the school itself. I looked in
other windows on the way down; they were studios. I think they might have
been drawing studios; I'm not sure. I reached the bottom of the hill.

Now you're into the city itself, or at least the outskirts of the city, by
Providence River. What did you do?

I crossed the intersection here. This one I remember being easy. I arrived
at the bank of the river, the bank nearest the hill. I thought that the
time before I had crossed and taken the other bank. I found that the river
split, and that I was thrown off-course, that I ended up guiding myself by
the Statehouse dome. This time I felt tired, and stayed on the nearer
bank. I looked into the water as I walked towards the train station; I
couldn't see anything. I reached the next corner.

Then there was traffic?

There was a lot of traffic. I ran across the street; I was almost hit. I
continued on the other side.

Did you press the button for the traffic signal?

I remember a button, but it might have been farther on. I didn't press it,
I think. Perhaps I did.

And then?

Then I continued walking. I think it was either this block or the next,
possibly the end of this block, still by the river, that I heard foot-
steps. Or possibly saw someone ahead of me. But I think it began with the
footsteps. At the next intersection.

We're then at another heavily trafficked one?

Yes, the footsteps belonged to a woman, I think possibly a student, carry-
ing a backpack or small suitcase of some sort. I didn't see her full-on; I
couldn't identify her, but thought she might be blond.

What happened?

She had crossed the street and I crossed as well, somewhat behind her.
This was the second time I was almost hit; I wanted to make the light,
since the signals were long.

And then?

The road curved up ahead. Wait, there was a four-way stop intersection.
She continued up the curve on the left. I walked part of the way across
the bridge, crossing the Providence River. I stopped and looked down in
the water. I was looking for the herring or shad family fish I had seen
there before, in large schools. It was dark out; I looked for ripples in
the water. The week before I was guided by ripples. This time there were
none. I couldn't remember the name of the fish, something like mulhagen; I
still can't remember. I was frustrated, worried that I couldn't remember.

After looking in the water for a while?

I crossed the street. There was hardly any traffic. I looked up ahead to
see if the student was heading to the train station. I thought I saw her;
I couldn't be sure. I stopped on the other side of the street, which was
the other side of the bridge. I looked again down at the black water; I
was looking for the fish on the other side. Most of the time I had seen
them on this, the other side. This time again there was nothing, no
ripples, at least none visible. But wait.

Wait?

On the first, left-hand side of the bridge, I saw a leaf in the water; it
was large, and looked like one of the fish on its side; I wondered if it
was in fact one that was dying. When I looked on the other, right-hand
side of the bridge, I saw several more, and it was clear that they were
leaves, slowly going down the river.

Which way were they going?

I'm not sure; the river flowed slowly, but I believe from the right-hand
side to the left-hand side and beyond.

And then?

Then I began walking up the hill towards the train station. I had again to
go out into the street because the sidewalk was partly closed due to
construction. I walked past a number of parked cars on the right, in this
fashion. I noticed the construction was coming along, and remembered
hearing that apartments were to be built here. As I walked up the hill I
walked over a recently-asphalted entrance to the construction site, or
near the entrance. I wondered why the asphalt had been poured; it could
only be temporary and didn't seem to serve any purpose. I continued up the
sidewalk.

Did you see any birds?

No, often in the daytime, particularly in the spring, I had seen birds
around the site and in the trees directly to the left of the train
station. But this time there was nothing. I looked down into the huge
excavation beyond the immediate construction and noticed for the second
time, the train platform, I think it was the platform for the number 1 and
2 tracks, jutting out into it. The platform looked oddly spacious and
beautiful in the dark. I continued walking past the trees.

This was near the taxicab stand?

This went directly past the taxi stand. I saw a number of drivers standing
around; they were speaking a language I didn't understand. At first I
thought, this might be Pakistani, but then I thought Italian; I couldn't
hear well enough. The drivers all seemed to know one another. I wondered
what would happen if a new driver came along, who didn't speak the
language - would he or she be accepted in the group? Would the group, on
occasion, speak English to him or her? Would the driver be ignored? This
went on only for an instant. I reached the station doors and went in.

Just went in?

I remember looking at my cellphone on the way, at least twice, checking on
the time. I was early as usual; I think I arrived at 5:34, for the 6:16,
but I'm not sure. I was hungry.

How long did the walk take?

I think it took about twenty-one minutes, but I couldn't be sure. If I had
gone directly, it would have taken between seventeen and eighteen.

You were hungry? Were you hungry the whole time?

I was hungry the whole time; I had only breakfast at Louie's, a #1 with
orange juice extra, I think, beforehand. I was going to drink some Red
Bull to keep me going through the day, but had a large coffee with skim
milk instead; the Red Bull is still in the office.

So what did you do?

I went to the small cafe inside the train station. The man who served me
wasn't there; the woman was. I had often wondered about their relation-
ship; they seemed tight. I ordered, I think, something with apricot; I'm
not sure. I do remember eating it without getting sticky; I didn't have to
wash my hands afterwards.

And this whole time you were carrying both your camera bag with various
things you had brought with you, as well as the cloth bag contraption with
the Cambodian instrument and other things?

Yes. I believe I also took back a copy of The Structure of Reality with me
on this trip. I had a copy of Claire's demo DVD, since I'm writing a
recommendation for her. I remember I didn't change clothes; the clean ones
were still in the bag. I had some trail mix left over from the ride up. I
didn't want to order anything on the train.

And you were reading?

Yes, I had books with me, but I'm not sure I remember them. I definitely
had Jane Austen's Northanger Abbey, which I had read; now I wanted to
finish Sanditon which was in the same Penguin volume, which of course I
did. And I had a copy of David Hume's Enquiry with me as well; I had been
reading about miracles. But I think there might have been a third book.
The week before I had carried a relatively medieval history of the tantric
schools of Tibet, but I don't think I had it with me this time.

What else were you carrying?

Other than the usual identifications, I had a small Olympus solid-state
recorder for notes. I didn't use it - I had been hoping to. The camera bag
was somewhat heavy of course. Another item - a small power supply for the
phone.

Do you remember going down the stairs from the office?

Not very well. I do remember having to negotiate the stairs because of the
awkwardness of the instrument package. Once outside, things were easy. I
had been afraid of rain; the skies were threatening all day. But as I
said, there was none, or rather just a light misting, slightly, nothing
more.

Money?

I had taken sixty dollars with me, but had spent very little. I spent
nothing on the train on the way up, so I had all of that. I spent little
there, and little on the train. I had walked down to Wickenden or
Wickendon street to go to an antique shop; I was hoping to find some
useful books, but nothing seemed promising. So I had most of the money
with me of course. I also had four rolls of unused Tri-X and Plus-X (the
new Plus-X) 16mm movie film to shoot in the winter and spring. And on the
way up I had brought a mini-DV tape for transferring the second roll I had
shot, but the roll wasn't back and the tape stayed in the office.

Anything else?

Some recommendation forms from Claire; I had to fill these out. I was
afraid they would get bent. I put them between the pages of something else
I was carrying back - I don't remember, a pamphlet of some sort.

Were you tired when you walked down to the train station?

I was extremely tired; I had hardly slept the night before - I coughed a
lot, there were sounds around, etc. I should add I sleep in the office to
save money; there's a futon. So I was glad that the air was bracing. I
went down to the train platform itself - #1 as usual - at 6:04 - I
remember looking at the clock - because it was open to the air and would
wake me up. I walked down; I haven't taken the elevator for a long time. I
noticed that the construction inside the station was down for the first
time - there were new escalators installed, but the one for track #1 only
went up.

Anything else?

Only that I remembered, as I approached the station, that I would be too
tired, and it would be too late, to go to the Border's bookshop in the
nearby mall. When I went into the station, I wouldn't come out again, at
least until the train I boarded left, which it did, two minutes late.




ballet's wet Pirouette grande (dance-film)


Arabesque foot
penchee down
up goes
goes the
the head
foot what
down a
head penchee
what up
a goes
balance,
the
straight the
line floor,
slammed what
to a
floor, hinge
wanton straight
hinge line
allongee
to
high, higher,
higher, pole-hole
pole-hole spectacular,
spectacular, nothing
nothing hidden,
hidden, wanton
thrown
foot
thing, thrown,
Throw, spun
thrown, around,
spun secret
around, archaic
secret vision,
archaic bared
vision, returned
bared thing,
returned
Throw,
Sur up,
les higher,
pointes useless
lift running,
it get
up, away,
useless hinge
running, Sur
get les
away, pointes
every
lift
bone sorry
hurts monsieur
i Grand
am plie
so partners
sorry ready
monsieur for
Grand your
plie bone
partners hurts
ready i
for am
your
so
pleasure, fingertips,
fingertips, fear
never Lift,
fear caressed
Lift, partner
caressed lifting
partner sex
lifting pleasure,
sex
wanton
armed smells,
one wanton,
or she
another, looks
looks, the
smells, hard
wanton, thing
she over
looks armed
hard or
thing another,
over
looks,
distance, damp,
body slid,
hinged, flesh
damp, fingered,
slid, wanton,
flesh well
fingered, or
well distance,
tunnel,
hinged,
nub your
mausoleum hands
seconde, knees,
on look
hands blessed
and of
knees, nub
look mausoleum
blessed seconde,
of
on
world you
have Blessure
you extension
Blessure tripped
extension privilege
tripped Attitude
privilege grecque,
Attitude the
grecque,
world
void to
abyss, be
spartan, sure,
here would
be brought
sure, the
they void
would abyss,
brought nothing
house don't
battement, with
don't that
catch leg
anything of
with yours,
that house
leg down
yours,
battement,
scented, En
drift and
En where
travesti, one
where scented,
discovers
the
holes
hinged
poles
soles holes
roles.
hinged




The Muralist


The muralist has one good idea, something he repeats over and over again.
The muralist is an expert portraitist, avatartist.
It has been said (of him), He paints the same woman again and again.
It has been said, It is the result of an unhappy love affair.
Of the muralist: His pallet is limited, his technique sure.
Of the name of the woman: Jennifer.
Of her surname: Unknown.
The one good idea of the muralist is transcendent.
It is said (of him), Everything is contained in these portraits.
It is said, As with Being, so with the Portrait of the muralist.
The muralist paints the eyes mysteriously, they follow you.
The muralist uses techniques found in primordial drawings and caves.
No one possesses the woman of the Portrait.
It is said, the woman of the Portrait is Woman, is infinite.
(It is suggested she is a woman of the sheaves.)
(It is suggested she contains others, who contain her.)
The muralist is considered mad, obsessed, compulsive.
It has been said (of him) that his skill comes from bewitchment.
It has been said that Jennifer paints the Portrait over and over again.
Of the muralist: That he is a woman, that he is Jennifer.
Of the muralist: That he has no skill, that he is doomed to repetition.
It has been said: Jennifer is the result of an unhappy love affair.
(It is suggested she is his daughter.)
(It is suggested she is a daughter who died at birth.)
(It is suggested she is the mother of a daughter who died.)
Of the muralist: That he understands women, he understands Jennifer.
Of the Portrait: That Jennifer speaks, that Jennifer speaks through him.
The muralist repeats herself (it is whispered).
She has had one good idea (it is whispered and whispered).
That she paints and paints (the result of an unhappy love affair).
(It is whispered. It is murmured. It is said.)

http://www.alansondheim.org/Portrait.mov