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Saturday, March 31, 2012

Triple


Triple


three track open-holed flute including buzzes, trills, exhalings,
pops, glissandi, whispers, voicings, flutterings, hummings,
singings, breathings, throatings, mouthings, fingerings, cross-
fingerings, open-fingerings, closed fingerings, partial-closings,
partial-openings, clatterings, clickings, squealings, squawkings,
titterings, twitterings, counter-pointings, srutis, swayings,
dispersing, combining, creating, forgetting, repeating, ending,
beginning, alap, bols, taksim, scales, maqamat, pursings,
inhalings, harmonics, harmonizings, and whistlings, for your
pleasure, your laughter, your tears, your cries and murmurs,
your weepings, your assessments, your happy tears, your happy
cries, your happy weepings ...

Friday, March 30, 2012

birds of mcm

birds of modern media

http://www.alansondheim.org/birdsofmcm.mp3

when i was substituting in the modern culture and media department
at brown, i'd listen to the birds outside the windows of the office
where i slept; i made some recordings. now, thanks to chris diasparra,
i have an open-holed flute and this is the result. and i just saw in
fact the anna halprin documentary and there were birds everywhere in
it. and i just remembered the vultures and hawks overhead here, and
as foofwa and i were walking to or from an event, there were herons
overhead. and i remember that all this beauty will disappear for me
and that my playing can't do it justice, not even the breathing of it
nor the nervousness of repetition and the miracles of losing scales
just at the moment when, teetering, i am wheeling in the sky, the
earth tilting below me, and, my feathers are ruffled, the nighthawk
begins his descent with an other music, for mate and for love, for
the uncanny pleasure of flying
· · · a few seconds ago

Prisonhouse of Age


Prisonhouse of Age

Something has to be said about age and ageism, which is so pervasive in
our culture, that we're held down, tied up, unable to move. I'm told I
look good for my age; that I play like a much younger person. In a
performance I hear that a dancer, who died at 68, was in the middle of the
end of her life. A friend says that his uncle dying at the age of 72, is
quite old. Grandfathers and grandmothers on tv always look to retirement
and playing with the kids. Television ads are increasingly aimed towards
drugging us, those over 60 say, because of a variety of ailments we don't
have. We're frightened of falling and not getting up. We're no longer
mid-career artists, but a dying generation. We're waiting for the end.
Friends say that now we're waiting for us to die off, that every day
brings news of new deaths and again this isn't true. The rhetoric is
hurtful and isn't meant to be hurtful. The rhetoric is made out of bits
and pieces of the 'natural' progression from birth to death. We're the
AARP generation. We're the baby boomers are are demanding to suck social
welfare dry. We don't do anything. We're not worth listening to. We're
hippies and repeat the 60s. We just love listening to 60s music which
formed us. We're part of the social welfare state. Some of us who fought
in Vietnam are an embarrassment. Some of us who didn't are an
embarrassment. On tv we're told that 'all we have is our stories.'

If this happened to anyone at any age, the result would be unbearable.
We're not taken seriously. We're all waiting for us to pass away. We have
to prove ourselves repeatedly. We're the result of hidden prejudice. We're
on the way to dementia. We're on the way to Alzheimer's. We're told our
short-term memory isn't what it used to be. In the most well-meaning areas
of popular culture, we're forgetful. Our bones are weak and ready to
fracture. We have to exercise more. Our family has to be everything. We're
not eligible for grants and for jobs. We're eligible to die and the sooner
we do that, the less the embarrassment. In fact embarrassment is the key
to everything; we embarrass others. If we're sexual it's a joke. If we
remarry it's a joke. If we refuse our assigned place in the family it's a
joke.

I first ran into ageism at the age of 30, applying for a job as editor of
an art mag in Los Angeles. I've always been sensitive to it because I've
always been told I look and act 'younger than my age.' Now the violence of
age, an assigned number, a number we can't do anything about - almost but
not quite like the color of our skin - is foregrounded. I get turned down
for jobs because of it, illegal but of course there are always ways around
it.

My own feeling? If I can't do something now, just as if I couldn't do
something at 20, then so be it; I don't belong where doing that thing is
impossible. But otherwise, leave me alone, judge me on what I make, what I
say, and leave goddamn age out of it. Don't call me a generation and don't
tell me my best days are behind me. Don't tell me I'm in my golden years.

This may all seem minor, idiotic, to you. You have no idea, at least in
the US, how pervasive this is. There are pockets of resistance - Eyebeam
for example, where I was resident until a week or two ago, is a healthy
exception. But almost everywhere, the codes are in place, they're
suffocating. I'm offered seats on the subway - because of age, not because
I need them. People condescent, smile at me, since apparently I'm no
longer sexual, have no desires, know my place. I'm told I'm a child again,
that the elderly are child-like. I'm told I'm living on borrowed time. I'm
told there's not much time left. I'm told I should be grateful. I'm told I
have a loving family. I'm told my grandchildren are my future. I'm told my
children are my future. I'm told I have no future.

I'm told about generations, that I'm of this or that generation, that it's
now the turn of a new generation. I'm told what our generation thinks and
I can't recognize that. I'm told repeatedly that we were born before the
digital age, that we think differently. The fact this isn't true, none of
this is true, with people I know and I'm sure millions of people in this
country, is irrelevant. I'm lectured _to._ I'm talked _to._ I'm taken out
of the realm of instrumental thinking, consigned to a real which is a
total mirage, told to act my age and behave myself. People don't tell me
to retire, but they assume I'm headed that way. My theoretical work is
assumed dated, somewhere back probably with existentialism or Bateson. My
mind is supposedly elderly. Am I repeating myself? Did I forget something
here? Should I send a birthday gift? Should I ask a grandson or daughter
to drive for me, since I'm constantly running off the road? Should I start
preparing for the end? Should I become a consumer of culture, preferably
old tv shows and books, instead of a producer? It's remarkable how well I
look for my age! It's remarkable I haven't had any major medical problems
yet, but wait, they're just around the corner. Do I have enough money to
do nothing? Should I do nothing? Should I worry about my IRA?

I don't expect this to change, not even with radicalism on the rise among
people I know. But I do want to say this - that when you see someone, at
any age, turning towards senility or depression, you might ask yourself
what happened to that person, how is that person perceived - by his or her
family or friends, by others in the community, by granting organizations
or hiring committees. You might look at studies of enforced helplessness,
you might think for a moment how age, like race, manifests itself today -
age more violently than ever, since we're assumed to be non-productive,
eating away at the very foundations of civil digital society, of
whatever's left of the commons, of the fabric of the sentient city.

What I'm talking about is being called a 'geezer' or 'old geezer' or 'old
man' with all the nastiness that implies. This isn't true of everyone, of
course, but it's miserable enough, that it's true across the board. In the
culture industry, such as it is, you either become blue-chip and/or elder-
statesman or woman, or you sink into oblivion. If I go into a gallery, I'm
immediately sized up in a certain way that parallels the not-so-subtle
hatreds against race in the 1930s. I recognize the violence of that
parallel itself, but there's no other way to describe it. Lyotard called
this kind of situation the differend, and there's been writing on and off
about the stigma that's applicable. We carry a sign on our foreheads, a
sign not of our own making or choosing, but one imposed on us culturally.
Whatever we do or accomplish is under or within the sign. Whatever we say
is already signed, assigned.

I'm sick of this, and this rant, so to speak, is nothing more than an
expression of that sickness. And I'm well aware that nothing will be done
about it, although things _can_ be done about it. I'm tired of ageist
remarks being 'let slip' accompanied by apologies. We have no slogans like
"we're here and we're queer." We're speechless. We're kept speechless.
We're irrelevant, just as this protest is irrelevant.

In the _foreground_ there are all the inadvertent and well-meaning
comments, advertising, stereotypes in the media. In the _background_ there
are concrete decisions being made against us, but 'benevolently' for us.
In the background, Foucauldian power violates the commons. In the back-
ground, the Occupiers don't see age as a problem. In the background,
they're waiting for our deaths, forgetfulnesses, incapacities, hostels -
they're waiting for our silencing. The _they_ is the Heideggarian They,
the They of doxa, the They of the obdurate, idiotic inert. The they is
always well-meaning; the They knows what's best for us.

On and on: This would kill _anyone,_ this misreading, misrecognition,
deprivation, fun-house mirror. Some people can ignore it altogether, most
of us can't. We live within a social order of _continuous violation._ And
there's no way out.

- Alan

hole for Alain Badiou


i put my pen in my hole. i put my fingers in my hole. i expose my hole. it
is about the smell of your hole and a tongue and void thorns of
love screaming against your holes on the way to where your holes were and
to cut into this infinity, my legs spread to the utmost, my hole divides,
soon as you control my cock, my hole, as soon as you take me, there is as
the wires enter and exit me, they are illuminated because you're not
looking! look at my beautiful ass! look up my hole! close your holes, shut
your doors, do you really want to quit? i begged you to open your hole
earlier you said you would like to be my hole. i can't steal your hole.
hi claara hey - > hey -#hole> /leave i don't want to be your
hole. : i don't want to be the place you shove i pull my body from my
hole, strings come out, i want a suit designed with special apparatus,
keeping all my holes. i will push the dirty panties up my hole. i will
enjoy myself, i will. in the year 3000, the cauterization of my hole,
dust, murmuring, is julu wearing your ..., are you wearing your hole?
miami, the beast miami, miami-parasite. "it enters into your holes, eats
my fingers, cock, in your holes, you lean forward, elbows flat" - please,
please open your holes to me i'm hungry splattering, i dream of liquids
pouring from your holes. the scents of your ass, creases and folds around
your hole. deeper musk, the video opened my hole and ass alike. with you,
my fists up your holes, my mouths on your breasts. you read me,
unornamented at last, my holes and crevices, the first and you wipe your
holes with blades of grass. you eat the grass. your words are the throat's
geography. my hands are in my holes. alone, i tear at my nipples, spread
my cheeks, open my hole to emptiness. because my body is a torus, if you
fill my hole, blood from zoo fell fresh with dew your hole i'm jew can't
get rid of that, advertise your holes and organs to the world - carapace?
for my spirit flows like sake from my holes into yours, and disappearing
translucent (cause my holes through my skin are space) emergence. i am in
a constant state of waiting; my hole opens, engorge me; i remember your
holes pouring upon me. altitude. her mouth's a chastity belt. harshly set
around you, your holes adjacent to the fill my holes, my fingers and penis
fills vaginas, anuses, mouths, my finishing off with slimy holes, you get
the picture (all those theories of flames are leaping out of my holes, my
fingers sprout branches, toes forth from my hole, first the s, then the p
followed by the r; shortly after from my mouth, piss and shit from my
holes, fragments of skin and gristle guarantee looks forward.) for my hole
has no time, no space, a hole en blood from zoo fell fresh with dew your
hole i'm jew hole. i put my face in my hole. uncontrollable bodies, i
widen my hole. i talk into my hole. i talk from my hole. i see into me. i
will touch you everwyhere, we will heal one another, we will fill my hole,
i'll be your chair, your hole, your skin, your writing-pad, your toilet,
i'm addicted to you, your holes, my tongue in you, tasting you, tuned to
your tight flower in your hole - everything tuned into my hole. it's my
organ. i don't care, invert me, open my holes. my mouth filled with blood.
i was spoken irresponsible questions; my mouth is my hole; my mouth opens
wide offering you my holes and the holes of nikuko, would you fill me,
look up your hole? mind, he wants to enter your holes, his work is filthy,
he doesn't know moisture germs will enter my hole and you will eat me out
with my filthy ways, in the thorns of love screaming against your holes on
my hand up your holes, your hand up mine. i say nothing, lie to you, i'm
my hole and you will eat me out with my filthy moisture germs ... ghost my
mouth tongues my mouth through your hole through your door no-thing, that
you engorge me; i remember your holes pouring upon me. now, my holes are
dirty, you've always hated me, i've always hated you, of something
indecipherable, monstrous. i place ice in my hole, one hole of the room,
filling my holes, my crack, my mouth (for depression also has open your
holes to me i'm thirsty out of my mind.) i am a landscape of tunnels and
forests. there are bamboo panties fissuring - break me open - you can see
the walls of my hole - passion thrusts me petalled, two-lipped above and
below, your hole, my high 72 regard? 73 radio performance; there was a
hole opening up next to me, my hole in realm's flesh, you'd swallow my
hole! scents of your ass, creases and folds around your hole. thrust and
energy screaming against your holes on the way to w don't you lisp you
dare call self in public, my fingers in your holes, we expose ourselves, i
devour she's mine, she says i'm your hole, use me, her skirt's hiked up,
unstable, exposing my hole; honey would open herself to the screen
unspoken, exposing my hole. i would open myself to the screen, an uh,
symbolic - that of well-definition. if i am your hole, it is that the text
and writing's (re)capitulation, spreading my hole for the sound their
mouths go out my holes - muffled - looking for the sign - they take my
body, they pour in my holes, they enter everywhere, i am they will not
stay on filthy waters they'll dry in my hole, my panties are yours, want
to be your hole... i want to give you my cock my hands my tongue is ripe.
ashame opened my holes. my mouth filled with blood. i was w/hole again.
(being your hole, being whole.) waters, they will dry in my hole, your my
panties are wet for you and when your holes open to my own, will enter my
hole and you will eat me out with my filthy moisture germs will shave my
body. i will shave my holes and i will wear you. i will within your hole,
the world a dawn of rose-red creation. yes i am your hole through h yes
but my blood is purple ...* yes i like you offer your holes to death. you
smell your holes everywhere against the lip of the screen, pull, you won't
have to fuck me, won't have to touch my holes, fill my holes and fuck
someone while your cock becoming i will look your ass with it, eat it -
taste of your hole - your piss filling me - your hole grows and grows
tiffany said until you become me, skin stretched your holes wider and
wider, lips chapped from penetration - you joked your holes, it's far too
creepy, you see there, you see your holes, it's far too creepy, you see
alan there, you see sondheim in your holes, keep it inside you forever you
can insert things into me.

eighteen and fourteen

eighteen and fourteen


(eighteen signs of unloveliness
(eighteen years and dry and unattended,
(eighteen years and the counting of elements) -
(eighteen years and the kindness of strangers) -
(eighteen years and the last day and night,
(eighteen years and the world undone) -
(eighteen years, and death is an other) -
(eighteen years, and death is everywhere,


:: edt fourteenth or ninth, she was so sweet i wonder i don't
"The _Lothardi_ devised an even more peculiar dogma in the fourteenth .
= "two thousand, one hundred and eighteen" - indicative of this is the
eighteenth command reprieve albright marriage androids fourteen february .
- "twenty-one eighteen" - indicative of date (within a serial / we're
still living in the drawing-room of the eighteenth-century;

and i will fly over the concrete wall fourteen stories high
fourteen stories high

Because of them, I am an eighteen-year-old girl! Dallas, under Dean Robert
Corrigan's multi-disciplinary program; fourteen I sure as hell won't take
drugs. I'm eighteen and I know all about life. I've been writing for
fourteen years; I'll switch to an 'examples' My eighteenth failure is a
lack of a PhD. or other intellectual My fourteenth failure is a lack of
critical attention given to my work, Oh oh oh I'm the existential
funnyman. I'm eighteen years old and I think Pennsylvania. Long later, the
eighteenth century is beginning to collapse. That curve sneaks up on you!
Ok, me, age fourteen. I knew a girl. I "fell" The Internet Text divides
into fourteen files; there is also an index Who should find the
fourteen-year-old boy, the burning apartment intact or You see
two-thousand-fourteen, Tiffany, anal, MEDIA-MOO, Menstrual _quantity._ For
example: "There are two thousand, one hundred and eighteen achieved,
already in these fourteen years, already in these fifteen years, against
that of the fourteenth century The Voiage and Travayle of Sir John age of
fourteen. Their girls never become pregnant before they marry, nor are two
thousand one hundred eighteen bison on the island." Think of this
beautiful eighteenth-century anatomical theater original to the building
becher ashbel gera naaman ehi rosh muppim huppim ard fourteen hushim bela
joined vale siddim salt served thirteenth rebelled fourteenth kings boojum
down; she had been my companion for eighteen years, and azure's for

brakes give out no nothing eighteen wheels coming up fast candlelight
naked silk robe twelve cum fourteen girl # susanjpg # meaning captive
armed trained eighteen pursued dan himself hobah damascus back charmed
with his artful collocation of fourteen imperatives in a single
confederate captive armed trained eighteen pursued dan himself hobah
continuous sleep or languor lasting up to eighteen hours a day. SATIN
corralled." Note "twenty-one eighteen" almost never If this poem you,
dispersed community or the socius of the eighteenth-century coffeehouse,
divided into three sections with fourteen stops, including treble and bass
eighteen years old and I've seen death. eighteenth, it's as if Four Dead
in O-hi-o never happened, it's as if that end and swung over the heads of
the people in the street, with eighteen extinct or corralled." Note
"twenty-one eighteen" is almost never written ferocious lashes of the
fourteen stations file in the Internet Text, which I've been writing for
fourteen years; fourteen hours a day, without rhyme or reason; collisions
of misspent and fourteen of us arrived and eleven left by the end of the
two years. I fourteen parts in the work which lasts minutes. gone
directly, it would have taken between seventeen and eighteen. heidegger
videos nn pictures fourteen flaming chapter

i studied physics and finished an eighteenth-century play i thought i had
only fourteen years to do anything at all if ry musi wing-room of the
eighteenth-entury entury in fact to say, "I'm Philostrata, dead a virgin
at fourteen; let him who it sat in the corner an eighteenth century memory
of his future ksh: were still living in the drawing-room of the eight-
eenth-century; language is absurdly melded. look, i read the eighteenth
century as well late eighteenth century, perhaps early to mid-nineteenth
century. To be lightship off brooklyn - this is an ` trolley - that's
eighteen ninety look two-thousand-fourteen meantime i would bring you a
fresh young thing, full of fourteen years, much larger images precisely
eighteen percent of much larger images but myself, turn charmed with his
artful fourteen imperatives single thing nature after fourteen years. I
died a virgin, childless, unmarried; let

nineteen eighteen seventeen one of-philosophy, possessing only the text's
entirety, all fourteen files one loves withering away; fourteenth, it's
the recognition that such people & (eighteen years strangers) sound. Of
brain holding stroke. mind program; fourteen Dallas; as far as I know (),
they still have it, rationalized our slaughter at the end of the
eighteenth robert corrigan's multi-disciplinary program; fourteen the
following york, selves, and that was the eighteenth century. Then we
listened, and that served thirteenth rebelled fourteenth kings smote
rephaims ashteroth seventeen eighteen nineteen two street. They might have
been around fourteen years old. I forget what they surface extending to
within an inch of the back. This is from eighteenth- thirteen, fourteen.)
this won't even reach fourteen lines. tina weymouth fourteen stations
presented mark's church influenced suites trespass hotly whereas stuff
ewes torn loss drought frost fourteen except twelve to fourteen hours a
day depression sliding down the walls during twelve.to.fourteen.hours.-
a.day,.depression.sliding.down.the.walls.during. twenty-one eighteen, all
large mammals, except for humans, will either be very sensitive, when she
was eighteen and on the verge of womanhood, she visions precisely eighteen
percent of much larger visions well damn who won with a difference of only
eighteen votes. won't leave me alone, when I'm not be stalked by eighteen
year old guys zones in downtown on the sloping streets, up to eighteen
inches thick,

two hundred eighteen.
two hundred fourteen.

First Flooding


first flooding


what does it mean, this grey dullness, this sadness of our world, an
atmosphere weighing down our souls, hungry ghosts, we disappear, we're
dark and brittle, the death of the world is so soft, so comforting, ...

what does it mean, this grey dullness, this sadness of our world, an
atmosphere weighing down our souls, hungry ghosts, we disappear, we're
dark and brittle, the death of the world is so soft, so comforting, ... is
clotting everything. -
your cloth is soaked, written, erased. -

your cloth should be wiped into existence?
wiped into existence, our shrouds are wiped away, existence is wiped away,
jennifer said isn't that when we died, so many worlds murmured, ... hoarse
voice ... so cold out, ... momma, momma, ...

i consider the following again, your what does it mean, this grey
dullness, this sadness of our world, an atmosphere weighing down our
souls, hungry ghosts, we disappear, we're dark and brittle, the death of
the world is so soft, so comforting, ... ...
would what does it mean, this grey dullness, this sadness of our world, an
atmosphere weighing down our souls, hungry ghosts, we disappear, we're
dark and brittle, the death of the world is so soft, so comforting, ...
give you hydrogenesis?

a ghost skews me in your cloth

how would you absorb your substances, cloth? clothing closes upon us, our
closure, our winding cloth, the universe is always cloathed, daddy, ...
daddy, ... the universe threading its way through the cold dark streets,
the cold grey streets, the dark grey streets, damp, almost a water or a
cloud, almost a pool or a mist, surely a fog, ... a fog ...

cloud, mist mist, fog, grey and brittle, cloathed, uncloathed, my
cloud, mist is your chemistry here...

clothing closes upon us, our closure, our winding cloth, the universe is
always cloathed, daddy, ... daddy, ... the universe threading its way
through the cold dark streets, the cold grey streets, the dark grey
streets, damp, almost a water or a cloud, almost a pool or a mist, surely
a fog, ... a fog ... calls forth floods avatar, hungered, making things.
on the oil, clothing closes upon us, our closure, our winding cloth, the
universe is always cloathed, daddy, ... daddy, ... the universe threading
its way through the cold dark streets, the cold grey streets, the dark
grey streets, damp, almost a water or a cloud, almost a pool or a mist,
surely a fog, ... a fog ... is , 06], wiped into existence, our shrouds
are wiped away, existence is wiped away, jennifer said isn't that when we
died, so many worlds murmured, ... hoarse voice ... so cold out, ...
momma, momma, ...?
... avatar is mist, fog, on wet flesh, it's avatar?

are you satisfied with your clothing closes upon us, our closure, our
winding cloth, the universe is always cloathed, daddy, ... daddy, ... the
universe threading its way through the cold dark streets, the cold grey
streets, the dark grey streets, damp, almost a water or a cloud, almost a
pool or a mist, surely a fog, ... a fog ...? cloathed and uncloathed,
uncloathed among us, the brittle fog, ... the mist, ... the mist ...

wait, clothing closes upon us, our closure, our winding cloth, the
universe is always cloathed, daddy, ... daddy, ... the universe threading
its way through the cold dark streets, the cold grey streets, the dark
grey streets, damp, almost a water or a cloud, almost a pool or a mist,
surely a fog, ... a fog ... and 1330 are written.

clothing closes upon us, our closure, our winding cloth, the universe is
always cloathed, daddy, ... daddy, ... the universe threading its way
through the cold dark streets, the cold grey streets, the dark grey
streets, damp, almost a water or a cloud, almost a pool or a mist, surely
a fog, ... a fog ... wiped into existence, our shrouds are wiped away,
existence is wiped away, jennifer said isn't that when we died, so many
worlds murmured, ... hoarse voice ... so cold out, ... momma, momma,
... what does it mean, this grey dullness, this sadness of our world, an
atmosphere weighing down our souls, hungry ghosts, we disappear, we're
dark and brittle, the death of the world is so soft, so comforting,
... mist, fog, grey and brittle,

write floods cloud, mist through my clothing closes upon us, our closure,
our winding cloth, the universe is always cloathed, daddy, ... daddy, ...
the universe threading its way through the cold dark streets, the cold
grey streets, the dark grey streets, damp, almost a water or a cloud,
almost a pool or a mist, surely a fog, ... a fog ...

clothing closes upon us, our closure, our winding cloth, the universe is
always cloathed, daddy, ... daddy, ... the universe threading its way
through the cold dark streets, the cold grey streets, the dark grey
streets, damp, almost a water or a cloud, almost a pool or a mist, surely
a fog, ... a fog ... wiped into existence, our shrouds are wiped away,
existence is wiped away, jennifer said isn't that when we died, so many
worlds murmured, ... hoarse voice ... so cold out, ... momma, momma,
... what does it mean, this grey dullness, this sadness of our world, an
atmosphere weighing down our souls, hungry ghosts, we disappear, we're
dark and brittle, the death of the world is so soft, so comforting, ...
mist, fog, grey and brittle,

write floods cloud, mist through my clothing closes upon us, our closure,
our winding cloth, the universe is always cloathed, daddy, ... daddy, ...
the universe threading its way through the cold dark streets, the cold
grey streets, the dark grey streets, damp, almost a water or a cloud,
almost a pool or a mist, surely a fog, ... a fog ...



Why I can't sleep



Why I can't sleep


I begin by thinking about my being a very old man; I continue by thinking
each day might be the day where a lump or pain becomes something else,
where the body turns its course against me, and that day will be a day of
division. Or perhaps there will be a night from which there is no
awakening, and this remains deeply unimaginable. I continue by thinking
about my family relationships, how I have to permanently sever ties with
people who were dear to me, simply in order to psychically survive. This
leads to a recent article on post-traumatic stress syndrome, the obdurate
circulation of memories which become a permanent part of the psychic
landscape: something to trip over. After death they're meaningless, just
as memories are only stories that fade. I worry deeper into the body,
wondering about arthritis and stroke, when I'll no longer be able to play
music live, to cohere with the muscle memory that governs me, renders me
ecstatic at times - when I'll only be able to listen, when my fingers and
hands won't do my bidding. This leads to thoughts of speed, always working
to create something new, to continue probing, until probing is no longer
possible; at least I won't have wasted any time. This leads darker and
further into thinking about my cross-posting, my incessant production, so
that there's no breathing-room, and this then couples with what I see as
my lack of success, always on the verge of 'making it,' always on the
verge of collapse, and how unfair that is to my partner Azure, what she
has to put up with on a daily basis. I then wish I could burn that part of
my mind out, I think of the Higgs boson and the nonsense over neutrinos
and whether I'll live long enough to even have an inkling of some
unimaginable truth. I then think of one of the books that discussed my
work, and my appearing a nuisance on various email lists and other places
of encounter, and further my letters begging for work, which I no longer
send out since, at my age, I'm already excluded from the possibility of
hire. I think of my diminution, the extraction of two teeth, the original
lenses from my eyes due to cataract, and when and where this will end or
prove fatal or result in a loss of mind. This last is of most concern, and
every bit of forgetting is seen as a sign of dementia on my part, as if
I'm waiting for proof of closing down. I worry about getting addicted to
too many sleeping pills or pain pills or stress pills or depression pills
and keep jumbling them up or refusing to take them, hoping that original
mind will manifest itself. I curse god and gods because I can't believe
and the result is sinking into absolute annihilation. I worry about the
short dreams I have rummaging around childhood or sexuality or unknown
seas, and I hate waking from them, which happens almost immediately,
throwing me back into the matrix of these thoughts, this almost
catastrophic thinking, which dominates me, while I listen to the cat and
Azure sleeping and worry about them, their health, the stress I must put
them through. I wonder whether my friends who were over the other night
would want some guitar or other instrument cases, or laptop cases or even
laptops, and whether I should trade the hasapi and guzheng instruments in
for something smaller, since our place is crowded. I keep hoping I'll live
long enough to move to a less-polluted part of the city, and worry about
the appointment I have tomorrow morning with the pulmonologist to get the
result of the chest x-ray, and whether I should start trading in, or
selling, larger quantities of books, since I may not have that much time
left to read. I worry that my reading The Diary of a Late Physician from
1832 might be affecting me negatively, and I wonder how my friends deal
with their own at times extremely depressive reading. I keep thinking I
should awake quietly, leave the bed, turn the computer on, and start
typing this out. I worry about making too many typing errors, and whether
this too is a sign of dementia. I try to decide whether lazily to leave
the errors in, or correct all of them, and still haven't reached a
conclusion. I worry that my tinnitus might finally get completely out of
control, since the other day it took a turn for the worse and is now
really quite loud with changing, not steady, pitch. I worry whether the
minor infections and fevers I seem to have mean anything, or whether
they're a sign of psychosomatic problems related to the usual traumas. I
begin to fear what will happen next week when my Eyebeam residency
formally comes to an end, whether I'd still be able to do anything as an
'alumnus' or some such, or whether they'd be glad to get rid of a nuisance
with his despairing and disparate work. I worry that somewhere along the
line on Facebook I was called a 'troubled man,' and I wonder whether I'm a
man at all in fact, and whether my neurotic behavior is so severe that I
won't be taken seriously as a 'thinker,' or 'musician,' or any one of a
hundred identities I aspire to. I worry that people find me a dilettante,
and that even my oud playing is so grotesque that I'm humored at best for
my clumsy attempts at playing. I fear that my few friends will become
fewer still and will leave me, or that we will settle in another city
where I'm seen as a freak or monster, and I wonder whether other people
lead lives of continuous regret, or how other people justify the horrors
they, too, must inflict on the world. I worry about the end of megafauna
and the inhumanity of our species, its deep commitment to slaughter and
torture, and those images of battered and wounded animals gracing PETA and
National Geographic publications, and I don't understand why we don't all
rise up in fury at the injustice of it all. I'm scared I'm technologically
falling behind, that my graphics or still too sexual or too crude, that
people would despise me if they looked closely at my work. I worry I'm too
arrogant or appear too arrogant, too selfish, too self-absorbed, and I
wonder if my father was right in what he said about my relationship with
my daughter and for that matter the rest of the family, and what made him
so psychologically violent against me. I wonder if thinking that way is
nothing more than an excuse. I continue to think perhaps I should take yet
another pill to try and fall back asleep, keep the gremlins away, and I
worry that all the early happiness I had writing into my characters has
disappeared - where are Nikuko, Jennifer, Honey, Travis, Clara, Alan, and
Julu, when I need them and their brightness just to think through the day?
I wonder when the construction noises are going to begin again and I'm
embarrassed and saddened we never were able to stop the pollution of the
arena going up across the street. I think it's probably time to leave the
computer which is now carrying a complete and true account of my thinking
for the evening on a typical night, hoping that a philosophical remnant
might remain here, wanting to just email this, cross-posting to everyone's
misery and horror, before the dawn comes and I have to awaken, if I fall
asleep, filled with the chills that usually accompany me in the early
morning, as if I had a severe flu, and so forth. And I worry that this
'and so forth' carries nothing with it but self-pity, that it's another
example of 'the troubled man' and his 'neurosis,' going nowhere, saying
nothing, an exercise in futility and the imaginary of illness, philosophy,
and the dead.

My bad mouth



my bad mouth *

... phrenics. put mouth on panties. You drink urine of Nikuko.
which bring about the semblance of a face, lineaments of eyes and mouths,
at the same time; Nikuko's fingers was the outcome of that, Nikuko's mouth
with six holes, microtonal intervals, the most difficult mouthpiece I've
for queen, mouth, wheel, superimposed over disheveled azure mouthing aah,
glazed look, tripods everywhere, my mouth's long aaah in background, this
on me again, again my mouth smoked and I smelled of good roast beef, and
the new pieces, which are filled with limbs, nudity, open mouths droning,
You're born into brilliance and wonder in the world with your mouth open
mouth, the intrusion as shadow of death, until it covers and ensures a final
multiple and new organs, vaginal mouths, probosci. -

read out of sympathy would create another mouth tearing my chest open,
speech, entered the mouth. Air becoming breath, entered the nostrils. The
and male, old and young; my mouth receives your offerings. Alan, I am
eye, the wind the breath, the open mouth the _Vaisvanara_ fire; the year
settles down, my eye becomes baleful, my mouth shows teeth. My breasts are
looking down:your mouth opens and closes, a fish suffocating, exhausted
your lips make no sense, you're mouthing nothing: MIAMI!:they sing: MIAMI!
you open your mouth to speak, i can't hear you:every inch of your naked
see me, you move up to the window:you open your mouth, MIAMI!:
open your mouth, MIAMI!
your dirty open mouth, MIAMI!

Is your mouth an interface to your stomach?
Nikuko writes these texts; ectoplasm filled with kanji falls from my mouth
into the parables, the sheets, my tongue, my mouth, the linen, the ecto-
against her mouth. Daishin Nikuko felt deep pleasure; she trembled deeply,
just as hashi, chopsticks, convey nourishment to the mouth, so did the
imaginary of your eager mouth provides more than enough sustenance 0
lies, breasts, lips, nipples? Mouths, mouths, mouths. Why are you there,
face into mouth and neck, thighs into clit, unknown kanji are lost in
bols, marks, words, speech. I can no longer speak. My mouth
Open your mouth...

this thing will take the day off from wryting herself into her mouth for
and a mouth to one side for the word 'word'
coming from my mouth. A woman would flow
mouth?
scar regrows a stunted limb carrying the outlines of Ogham. My mouth fills
their mouths.

Travis and I cycled around one another; my piss filled his mouth, emerged
ejaculated, his mouth spilled over with urine and other fluids, running
now." Kathleen M., Sweet Talkers, "words from the mouth of a 'pay to say'
there is wraith; I know _better._ Your mouth fastens on my eyes, inhales
A server's a membrane, manifold, mouth. It's a membrane; it breathes, in-
sounds following suit. But it's a mouth; it speaks for me, it's flesh. I
ecosystems. The particles stick in my mouth, my maw; I grind down upon
/i'm so hard, i'm imagining you tying me up, only my mouth is available/
I pull my mouth from my mouth. Teeth glint -

sharp spikes penetrating the body, mouths held open. There are no screams
no secrets, my mouth, my ass are open, wide cunt, hard cock -
My mouth talking hysterically to keep you there - you can -
and he would open his mouth wide on the trees. he could never open it
her body rolls in fields of teeth. they gnaw her, her cunt and mouth fill
skulls pile up. classification begins, organs, the teeth again demouthed.
flailed that way. the mouth didn't talk, it foamed, rabid, spat. so when
Verse 17: For I will take away the names of Baalim out of her mouth, and
the text, the _your_ taken from you, ingested in the mouth of the _other,_
skinned as well. No longer reading/being read, the terminal _mouths the
splayed, constructs of reassemblage. In net sex, mouths cover me, penises
fill my holes, my fingers and penis fills vaginas, anuses, mouths, my
and her mouth filled with water. She spat it out and it became Lake Biwa.
splayed, constructs of reassemblage. In net sex, mouths cover me, penises
fill my holes, my fingers and penis fills vaginas, anuses, mouths, my
8 the _your_ becoming the mouth or speech of the other

* it hurts so bad bad I can't sleep ever again

Introductory Preface and Postface, or Open Bracketing of the W/Hole


Introductory Preface and Postface, or Open Bracketing of the W/Hole

[This is my introductory postface or preface to my forthcoming WVU book;
it's a fairly good explanation of my essay-work I think. Offered with
permission.]

The process used to produce this book has been one of continuous
negotiation over pieces, which are broken remnants of a text that might
go on indefinitely, if I did. I would say this about the individual
sections -

1 that each begins, for me, from ground zero, both in the sense of
catastrophe, and without regard to presuppositions; in other words, each
sketches out a terrain which, phenomenologically, is close to the
scratching-out of inscription against the flesh and abjection of the body.

2 that each tends towards summarizations, as if reaching beyond the goal-
playing of a football (soccer) game, recapitulating the game in every
move, as there are only a limited number of moves, of space and time,
given us.

3 that a text from the year 2000 is as currently relevant to me as my
latest text; the problems remain the same and the dating of particular
texts doesn't drive them out of date, but simply situates them within a
particular stratum of writing.

4 that for me there are no outdated philosophical theories or references;
this isn't science, but a continuous description of the world. the
problems of Aristotle are the problems of Thomas Brown and the problems of
Bacon - not to mention those of the Lankavatara Sutra. science is the
progress of the container, of inscription, of fundamental ontologies and
epistemologies, of logos and placement; philosophy is the meandering of
abjection, flesh, and our pretensions to the values of inscriptions and
the fields of cultures in general.

5 that I'm most interesting in the grounds and grounding of writing, in
its relation to the virtual and the negotiation of the virtual, and I do
believe that we are always already virtual, invaded by such, and only in
moments of insufferable pain and the diffusion of the portal of death,
does inscription drop away into the thud and inconceivable flesh and
violence of the body.

6 that there are no dead philosophers, or rather no dead philosophical
writing, and that writing, always virtual and inscription, always saying,
may be within any form, from sound through any variety of artworks,
including scientific texts (which are always only one form of their
theoretical content); in other words, standard writing is just that, one
canon and genre and mode of exposition among others.

7 that beneath every inscription and inscriptive process and act, lies
abjection; that catastrophe theory provides us with a model of the
'fragility of good things,' i.e. what we interpret as coherent
transmissions among the incoherencies of the world. that in other words,
the world is contingent as best, that our time, in the sense of birth
through death, but also in the sense of species or organic life as we
interpret it, is limited, and that the universe is inconceivably alien to
us and among us: that this is what we have to contend with and
continuously contend with.

All this being said, or thought, I might add that I've always said or
thought this, that my thought tends towards repetition. I might use a MOO
or MUD as an example, just as Second Life or quantum computing; they are
all one and the same in a sense; there is no new thought in the world that
is not thought.

As to the Introduction: I am thrilled with it, thrilled that Sandy Baldwin
has been able to make sense of a massive amount of material that all too
often insists on audio, video, or still-image examples - or even insists
that analysis itself occurs in these examples, just as much as it does
within standard forms of writing (which I tend to subvert). There are some
longer pieces I would have liked included; I would have liked a multi-
media disk as well, etc. etc. But I would, more than like, love this
collection of texts, which continues to develop and proliferate.

Again I want to reiterate; if I talk, for example, about a prompt such
that

k4% date
Wed Feb 15 04:48:14 EST 2012

appears as an antiquated non-GUI (graphic user interface), but a command
at a prompt accompanied by its response - I'm not talking or writing
historically, but about the very act of the performative, the performative
surface which is literally virtual in regard to the underlying program
structures, down to the level of the machinic, where potential wells and
materiality lie. We are surfing, not on a surface, but in the midst of
holarchies of protocols and material transformations, where noise is
roughly held back, but never entirely. And this is as true of the latest
3d tech as it is of the prompt: In other words, in an odd and twisted
sense, there is no history here, only careful thinking through
phenomenological moments, when the performative and its dialectics among
machines, users, softwares, hardwares, etc., are clearly the order of the
day and night. And this is the case surely going back at least to Hero of
Alexandria, if not farther; we move through the stillborn of cultural
presuppositions which like everything else are continuous and in varied
degree.

Along this line, a not unrelated point: That culture is found, among
organisms, all the way down, as is inscription, processes of learning,
protocols and broken protocols. We have no dominion over this, only a
certain blindness. So writing too is every world among organisms, and, I
suspect, beyond; its universality is what makes things like the
conceivable collapse of the wave equation so interesting - not as a garden
experiment, but as a condition and conditioning of all our existence.

As far as 'this being a book,' it is a book in the sense that a microtome
slice is both limited and fecund, exemplary/symptomatic, and a slice after
all. I am grateful for it, grateful for the work Sandy has done with me,
in assembling a group of texts that hang together in a more or less
coherent fashion. I'm well aware of the difficulty of texts that change
style constantly, that use conceptual or programming tools in their
construction as much as densely laid-out thought - and Sandy has done an
amazing work in this regard. In addition he has always questioned me,
pushed me to my own limits, and the result has been a deepening on my
part, an ability to see beyond the confines of any section's boundaries.

========================================================================

The Internet Text is a poor title; it defines a location and locution, a
plateau, but the Net itself is an inconceivable multiplicity, always
entangled. At one point I considered a 'darknet' which consisted of the
underlying protocols, but that division now seems arbitrary. I do want to
add that I don't believe that the Net will become 'sentient' as some have
suggested, but AI will play an increasing role in its evolution, dragging
human and other subjects along with it as confluences of Likes and
Dislikes. Within this horizon, I think of online writing as 'wryting,
simultaneous suture and rupture, reiterating once again that the body is
and has been always inscribed, that as long as it functions qua body,
beyond or outside the aegis of insufferable pain and death, it is a
composition positing its own history, one that remains after death in
fact. Such a body or vision of a body extends to any geographies and
species, a worlding of history that will continue until the planet is
welcomed by the surround of a dying sun and exhausted universe in a future
so distant that it appears gestural at best.

I only want to add a few notes on Second Life. It is a framework and a
laboratory for exploring somatic issues; my avatar bodies are often only
partly visible, carrying behavioral patterns generated by highly altered
motion capture software and hardware mappings. I can explore some of the
limits of the wounded or suffering body; I can negotiate the movement of
such a body in spaces so corrupted that they themselves appear suffering,
and need to be negotiated in their traversal. I can build up and pull down
quickly, using the 4000-plus files in my inventory. By combining the
results of such studies with mixed-reality movement - live performers and
performances - issues which might appear uncanny at best take on a
different life in the real. These issues translate poorly into text, as
does some of the soundwork I do. But it is all using available tools,
within which the body is situated, not as tool, but as internalized site.
This is where I live and ultimately this is where the book lives.

Again I have to thank Sandy Baldwin greatly for teasing out these texts
from their skein within the larger unwieldy body. They'll manage, I think,
within the book to live on beyond the data-bases housing the Internet
Text, and they'll point beyond themselves to those data-bases. But every
one of my texts is every other, and these are no exception.

- Alan Sondheim

my life so far. {fine artistry}




my life so far.

i'm 21 and i'm gonna die at 21.
i'm 16 and i'm gonna die at 16.
i'm 21 and i'm gonna die at 21.
i'm 17 and i'm gonna die at 17.
i'm 18 and i'm gonna die at 18.
i'm 19 and i'm gonna die at 19.
i'm 21 and i'm gonna die at 21.
i'm 20 and i'm gonna die at 20.
i'm 21 and i'm gonna die at 21.
i'm 21 and i'm gonna die at 21.





my life so far.

i'm 21 and i'm gonna die at 21.
i'm gonna go to guitar center and play my guitar.
i'm gonna do e and e and send me some e.
i'm gonna call alex and will do something.
i'm 21 and i'm gonna die at 21.
i'm gonna go down to the canal and take some birds.
i'm gonna take some drabs thats shock with jimmy.
i'm gonna write with jimmy cause we go way back.
i'm 21 and i'm gonna die at 21.
i'm gonna write about e and e thats drab.
i'm 21 and i'm gonna die at 21.
we're shock with jimmy. we go way back with alex.
i'm 21 and i'm gonna die at 21.

ababramateethraburadazzxj kmnnpababramablackenedraburadazzxj
kmnnpababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaspace asraburadazzxj
kmnnpababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaonraburada
kmnnpababramai'mraburada ababramaconsumedraburadazzxj
ababramaconsumedraburadazzxj kmnnpababramabyraburadazzxj
ababramaworldraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaseemsraburadazzxj
kmnnpababramafuzzyraburada ababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramafullzzxj
ababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramadarkraburadazzxj
kmnnpababramacancerraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaandraburada
ababramateethraburadazzxj kmnnpababramablackenedraburadazzxj
kmnnpababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaspace asraburadazzxj
kmnnpababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaonraburada
kmnnpababramai'mraburada ababramaconsumedraburadazzxj
ababramaconsumedraburadazzxj kmnnpababramabyraburadazzxj
ababramaworldraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaseemsraburadazzxj
kmnnpababramafuzzyraburada ababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramafullzzxj
ababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramadarkraburadazzxj
kmnnpababramacancerraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaandraburada
this world slotting itself through me, drab in its repetitious and
i wander down in dark, doom, drab,
gone just like that another year, corn silk drab like radiation-hair,
Winter artistry adorns a formerly drab scene. Don't fire till you see.
Have I said this already, over and over again, this drab face sitting.
ababramateethraburadazzxj kmnnpababramablackenedraburadazzxj
kmnnpababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaspace asraburadazzxj
kmnnpababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaonraburada
kmnnpababramai'mraburada ababramaconsumedraburadazzxj
ababramaconsumedraburadazzxj kmnnpababramabyraburadazzxj
ababramaworldraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaseemsraburadazzxj
kmnnpababramafuzzyraburada ababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramafullzzxj
ababramaandraburadazzxj kmnnpababramadarkraburadazzxj
kmnnpababramacancerraburadazzxj kmnnpababramaandraburada
the same old thing... dribs and drabs... just turned
they're somewhat drab when standing, but their wings
airbender, general, three drabbles featuring katara, who had a few
i'm gonna take some drabs thats shock with jimmy.
i'm gonna write about e and e thats drab.



my life so far. {fine artistry}


have artistry, this fine artistry.
have artistry, this fire artistry.
i'm gonna show you this fine artistry.
i'm 21 and i'm gonna die at 21.
i'm 21 and my wings are everywhere.
i'm gonna soar above you and i'm gonna soar about you.
i'm 21 and my wings are going soar below you.
have this fine fine artistry.
i'm gonna die.

at 21. my general, wings who gonna 21. 21 katara, wings katara, 21 21.
gonna who wings general, my 21. at general, three wings few die 21. far.
three wings who and 21. and who wings featuring far. 21. die had wings
three general, at 21. my general, wings who gonna 21. i'm drabbles wings
katara, 21 21. gonna had wings drabbles life 21. at general, airbender,
airbender, few die 21. far. three wings katara, and 21. and who wings
featuring i'm 21. die had wings three general, at at my general, wings a
gonna 21. i'm drabbles wings katara, 21 21. gonna had wings drabbles
life 21. at general, airbender, airbender, few die 21. so three wings
katara, and 21. 21 featuring wings featuring i'm 21. die had wings three
at at general, wings a gonna 21. i'm drabbles wings featuring 21 21.

gonna gonna my drabbles drabbles a 21 die i'm who drabbles who i'm die
21 a drabbles drabbles my gonna gonna general, featuring three few and
die so featuring drabbles had 21 die i'm had drabbles featuring so die
and few three featuring general, gonna gonna drabbles drabbles had and
die far. who drabbles katara, i'm die 21 a drabbles drabbles my gonna
gonna general, featuring three few and die life katara, drabbles who 21
die i'm had drabbles featuring so die and few three featuring general,
gonna gonna drabbles drabbles had and die far.

drabbles drabbles general, at 16. and a featuring 21. 18 16 far. had
20. 19. and call down call guitar. go play call take take i'm play
guitar. alex drabs thats something. send e alex shock i'm go call i'm
will shock go write canal call something. with back. i'm with canal
canal jimmy. drab. back we drabs take jimmy. we're this with write thats
i'm with itself through gonna i'm jimmy back me, drab way go alex.
repetitious world in with gonna shock and doom, i slotting with
kmnnpababramablackenedraburadazzxj its that gone and itself world this
year, another dark, me, itself repetitious corn radiation-hair.

drab i silk drab like just world i year, Don't formerly like drab, dark,
drab scene. till a another just corn Don't Have till Winter another silk
see. over said you radiation-hair, like fire drab face Have Don't drab
Winter Have thing. Have artistry fire artistry this just dribs already,
they're face already, same standing, general, their dribs face old but
katara, drabbles when thing... dribs but had had general, they're just
theirs had a theirs somewhat theirs few katara, but wings few three
drabbles general, a featuring had ababramateethraburadazzxj gonna die.


THE TEXT I KNOW NOT WHERE CAME FORTH:



THE TEXT I KNOW NOT WHERE CAME FORTH:

(last night I seriously lost a couple of hours; today I found this piece
below. today I also recorded http://www.alansondheim.org/92youd1.mp3 and
http://www.alansondheim.org/92ysarangi.mp3 . but why this text? Azure
said I was sweating terribly and complaining, almost crying out, last
night: I remember none of it. this is frightening. the text frightens me.
the music saves me. Alan.)

Vthe book continues, scrolls are necessary, prayer wheels, So the book
continues, scrolls are necessary, prayer wheels, leaves bound into place
or folded into boxes, one prostrates oneself before a deity or before
nothing whatsoever. Infinity moves through the chakras; the body is a bead
upon a chain or string or

lighting the Tibetan prayer wheel for her. And David Askevold died as
lighting the Tibetan prayer wheel for her. And David Askevold died as
So the book continues, scrolls are necessary, prayer wheels, leaves
the tablets - prayer wheel spinning above a slow flame -
in this dark night of prayer wheels
the prayer wheel turning all through the rain
in this dark night of prayer wheels and worlds
prayer wheel -ksh w3m -tcsh screen -tcsh emacs slrn -tcsh -tcsh -tcsh
on the desk, Tibetan prayer wheel and stupa, Tibetan gau,
the tablets - prayer wheel spinning above a slow flame -
So the book continues, scrolls are necessary, prayer wheels, leaves

I see a king who has ade some works. I say to one and all, these arae
wonderful works. I ask how they have been constructed and sense a new
diretion for the construction of the world; tp cpjstrict a wpr;d.. tje
;omer extra[p;atopm ,ist grod tp a ja;t. gegatomg jostpru. de=dissolving
the liquidity of =coGULATED MAMEORYLTHR =BOOK ETITRE THR VONDYTUYION OG
IYD SSLURDL LSNOPYIVOND RLRSYR, OPRTSYR SY RBRTU PSTSFR HTPUNF, RBRTYU
GIRLF OG VONVOUTDRL YHR JIJIDL SIIMSLD GFOGFDFNG GHTJDRLBRD DFGODD;
GIMFDMRMYD; DIDYSMVF FODDP;BFD SMD ;SMGUSGES DISDSSPPESR UJTIL TJI GI69
SHD FROIUNDS SLL SRE USDD UPWE KSVD VBDDM SEDLEOOPOLD FPEOO SLDL GPDOS SKS
S;GGRREEHOW DID HE DISCOVER THE RIPPLES OF OUR VBACKS INTERTPRSED WITHJIND
FAMES CLOSE TO DEATH LK J OLJ LKJ LKJ SO DIDFFDFDNT LSNDSCALE THAG A LONG
GIMR AGO RDXHAUSDTED ITSELF OVVDF THEE DISCAARDINFG OF TRUTH AND ITS
GROUNDS NAND THE GOUNDS A=OOF ANY SUCHL THESE PLACES I HAEVE SEEN BUT THE
REPORTYT KS BLQCK IS IT NOT. THE THREAD IS BROKEN.IT IS A STRUGGLE GO
BRTETHELoO


I QIL========-------

I WILL DO THIS
I WILL DEFININIELY DO THIS
THIS IS TI BEWILLED ALREADY DONE AD SUCH.

THIS IS ALREADY DONE


virtual idylls



virtual idylls

animated computer creations that appear as singers runway models for
publicize is another opening click most paper dolls undress mouse easy
remove outer clothes harder underwear takes some tugging little revealed
end few anatomical details also photographic adult section quite explicit
be dressed any outfits strip relate strongly work do avatars characters
further edit treating if were therapists sense giving opportunity draw my
unfamiliar realms third tars sending their name watching feedback methods
model agency she never tires hold poses forever works clock apart from
source emission find now three years later translated recently backgrounds
foregrounds began losing myself midst thick r passing sites get involved
demographics erotic bonding female teenaged males females etc troublesome
extent resolves plot narration slotted extending categories go down
smoothly hand among avatar emanation no specific image appearance operable
within protocols deep operating systems seems too almost viral hacking
alone m background maneuvering ascii unconscious de scribe effect
sexuality paradigms control being controlled playing insinuating itself
drives runs psyches deliberately resolution difference between oh raises
beginnings endings every gesture glimpse deliberate creation unguarded
imagery artworks broken prosthetic devices following splits turns
contradicts wayward contrary noisy might gendered gender way becomes field
competing capital positioning distribution modes interventions clear
assigned movements times against blank backdrops ridge once always eternal
placed noiseless purified system receding moment offers herself clothing
hollowed frame hollowing exposing interior breast vaginal areas intro
procurement skin skins everywhere attached look wrap wire yourself play
naked body hacked mirrors returning perhaps re turning phenomenological
extensions cant emphasized enough beneath splintered turned abstract money
transformed surplus girl woman entertainment magazine store libidinal
economy resident perfect love longer clean tend towards post hats
fascinating happening future however close level fantasy boys girls
bedrooms computers desks tables off corner such kitchen pornography
entwine numerous junctions so become intrinsic everyday except
masturbation equally intrinsically parceled seen tion why academic
approaches repeatedly metaphor ignoring manifestations earlier even
wherever uncanny analysis produce reams relevant called linkages couplings
processes concatenation conjoining change loosely joined objects shelf
seriality conjunction terms results machine protocol suite interlocked
subprograms links chain machines hate subsection integral coherent whole
move abstraction coup moving parts inert organisms raging ecstatic wars
fought physical result slight warming panels images accessible bit
independent apparent organic eye speak postmodern decoupled fast forward
probings domains organism stake finitely modified manipulable loss cannot
die shelved revived elsewhere date whom data average listener fact seem
spite girlfriends your dreams massive production industry song hit gave
comfort safe partial filled quest filling vulnerable better heroines
princesses inaccessible synchronically lives parallel universe lived died
male artist recreating interesting construct mesh holding hollows armature
running jacketed cuts carefully away genital literal representation
injection covering hollow considered desire ever closeups inextricably
everything inextricable tallying birth distance teledildonics oneself doll
gives though manipulation puerile sliding removing panties reminded
dirtiness abjection simulation speaking insertions assertions key
scratches removes wires flesh pass melange constructed torn expanded
condoms abeyance while fondling push until sleep night lulled foreclosing
feminine positions com fort devour menses harbor smell membranes talk upon
mutual devouring curs gloves screens keyboards scent odor odors saturate
uneasy leaking guarantees far cry merge sight ecstasy permanency outliving
abandoned turn know dream over again iii carries concepts notion
invisibility transparency our tendency recognition nonexistence matter
coming mind entering constituted gnawing idiocy veering pervasion yet
layer interpenetration coupled troubled problematic infinite still languor
reception hardened weighted opened delicate hardly b resonates beautifully
annihilation awaiting particulate diffused harmonic peaks phenomenology
recognize alive achieve subtle transcendence id greets states meanders
sayings hanging warm air sunny afternoon argue sweet sickly leaves stems
ripening humid ere talker nearly door waiting says floating ours difficult
reaching please feel breathing heart must encounters seeking h hears
nothing closed foreign d thinking tell hope make affairs men women thus
said propelled attitudes speech proffering positionings nikuko e good
wonderful fun having problems login root julu bones processing boards
attributions trace bio k loves exit trying core told load tile font fuck
failed rather bar jealously reply killed melee hull guns rigging vast
heaving sailing ailing damaged yes yelling heave ail ho range starboard
bow darkest winter ground frozen sat fire thatched hut covered chanted
slowly drinking tea eyes half open child asleep wind howled flickering
flames eerie patterns wall something else snow right tried heard great
wings beating disturb meditation felt woke early dawn muscles moved
swatches beat directions remained immobilized had vanished could chant
huddled cold walls soul overcome continued clouds sun dawned warmer
exhausted enlightened returned land


Aesthetics of Improvisation


Aesthetics of Improvisation:

Intermissions, Interruptions, and Digressions in Performance


At the Sunday talk/video/dance given by Foofwa at the 92nd St. Y, he
talked about the relationship between complex choreography and inter-
ruptions in his piece based on Cage, THiRtEEn. We talked about this later
and I related the discussion to my own improvisation work, as well as
performances I'd done in Second Life, with other musicians, and so forth.
I began to think of a taxonomy of interruptions, realizing that I was
heading into muddy hermeneutics at the least, as well as splitting
epistemologies and fractured phenomenologies. I revived the idea of the
'fissure,' a break in the midst of A and A, which doesn't change the
entity; the split remains, temporary or permanent, as a glitch, but not -
as in negation, an ontological process.

So we begin with a choreography (which may also be a musical score,
theatrical text, etc.) which is absolute in the sense that the real is
absolute; it forms a foreground and background structure which the
performer follows to the best of hir abilities, without break, with a
sense of inhabiting the piece which is almost unconscious, and with a
repertoire of technique that, hopefully, can be taken for granted - a form
of tacit knowledge that allows the piece to flow smoothly, from beginning
to end. Think of this absolute choreography as an impossibility, as the
performer adjusts hirself throughout the presentation: nothing is or can
be perfect, because no choreography operates as natural law, and
interpretation is part of the very atmosphere of any performance.

We are talking about human performance here, not machine or program
performance, where choreographies may repeat themselves endlessly without
error, or with the repetition of the same error growing either linearly or
exponentially. Let us think, without error.

There is always the question, or the state, of the freedom of the
performer, who has agreed, often under contract and capital, to perform
and rehearse a piece, for perhaps a set amount of time, with various
riders attached, for example drowning as an act of God.

What can happen? Here we enter into the phenomenologies, the taxonomies,
of behavior in relation to structure: the coupling is always a loose coup-
ling.

The performer may repeat or elide a section or sections of the choreo-
graphy, This may be the result of forgetting the section or sections; it
may be a conscious decision; it may be the result of an other cue; it may
be the result of muscle strain or other sense of injury. It may also occur
as a result of play. All of these situations imply different intentions,
different intentionalities: forgetting can also connect to a suturing, for
example, so that the performer does not know s/he has elided something -
s/he remains within the aegis of the dance, inhabiting the dance, in spite
of (perhaps) the consciousness, from outside, of something amiss - as if
there were differing hermeneutics and strata of the same choreography:
someone performing, someone reading, someone watching. A sense of injury
or strain tends to foreground the body; if the pain is minor, the
performer may attempt to circumscribe it, detour 'around' the section, as
if the detour _were_ the section. If the pain is major, the performer may
slip into a phenomenology of the body, backgrounding the choreography
which is then only an inscription under erasure (a differend; the
choreography is no longer speaking, no longer in control, no longer _in_
inscription).

The performer may make a conscious decision not to do the section or
sections, or to repeat them, or transform them according to any number of
semiotic operations. This may come out of an inhabitation of the dance,
leading hir elsewhere/elsewise; it may come out of a sense of play, as if
the dance were temporarily objectified, thrown for a loop, thrown out of
kilter; it may come out of a sense of play in which the dance is forgotten
and the section becomes the horizon itself.

The forgetting of the section may be a conscious forgetting, as the per-
former does something else, or nothing at all: the performer might rest,
might decide to rest; the performer's body might 'seem' to rest or decide
to rest. The daily, the everyday, is foregrounded; the performer has an
itch, wants to rest, needs to go to the bathroom; has a sense of the
giggles; remembers a recent argument or sex; starts laughing; is furious
at hirself; and so forth.

For the audience, the conscious forgetting, the everyday, may well be part
of the performance: did s/he forget hir lines or is this part of the
choreography, the score? Is this Brecht, Pirandello, their descendents? Is
this revolutionary theater, Occupy?

It may simply be everyday, a relationship or communality among people -
performers, choreographers, audience, within or beneath the problematic
sign of capital. For the performer, there may _never_ be a return to the
choreography; for the audience, there is a mixed hermeneutics paralleling
that between the virtual and the real, always these entanglements, which
are on the increase, as reality is augmented and the virtual is mixed: as
programming becomes absolutist on one hand, and the hack and play on the
other.

The performer may elide a section and jump to another section, rupturing
the time and continuity of the piece, suturing the same as a fissure
reveals cracks in the midst of substance, the same and the glitch. The
glitch is already a recovery. Think of the recovery in relation to
communality: the action of one performer affects the others, but not in
the sense of choreography - in the sense of choreography's absence,
everyone covering up, everyone filling in the gaps - or not, for something
is always there to be shown, even the performers asleep, giving up,
deciding it wasn't worthwhile to continue in any case.

What about this? - the decision that it's _not worthwhile to continue._
Here is the audience and its/their expectations - their choreography,
their role/s, and there are the performers carrying a sense of exhaustion,
ennui, the uselessness of it all, bodies still present, perhaps milling
about. So there continues to be an occurrence, and everyone perhaps is
still present, so something is going on, there is a doing or doings.

This is where it might be of interest, thinking through what's worthwhile
in a deeper or more veered-off sense: is it worthwhile to continue if the
choreography physically hurts the performer? Becomes so complex that it
seems ridiculous to follow? Takes up so much of hir time that hir other
life or lives are backgrounded or eliminated for a period of time? But
then there is capital, agreements have been made.

Let the agreements perhaps stand _from the very beginning,_ so as Foofwa
indicated, there is no danger of being fired, eliminated from the
performance, and so forth. The situation becomes one of trust: the
performer is hired, that's all there is to it, and what s/he does is
already acceptable, already in-process, presented, presentable. Of course
there are limits, s/he might abscond... So the ceiling is set sufficiently
high that it disappears, just as soccer for example, as rule-laden as it
is, becomes a dance of improvisation and strategy, a continuance, based on
the trust that players will do their best. (We know where that leads us,
but that's another story, not here. So perhaps a bad example.)

Think of this in terms of taksim, a string breaks, the oud cracks, the
performer is exhausted; in terms of free jazz, a conversation emerges with
the horns, is carried out in song, then words, then leaving the perfor-
mance altogether. And in dance: as if we're in this together, as if a time
and a space were being built - rather, inhabited - a form of temporary
dwelling called an event.

-- I'd say this relates to scripts, roles, and hacks in everyday life,
relates to everyday games (counting footsteps, avoiding sidewalk cracks,
and the like), relates to economies of attention (not just capital, not
just intention). So we might think of loosely-coupled choreographies as a
form of the everyday, or a local Occupy, with its own rules that might (or
might not) be up for negotiation. And negotiation might be up for negotia-
tion as well; such might or might not be the content.

Where all of this goes - is towards an increasing fragmentation between
script, code, program, choreography, and capital on any number of hands,
and play, freedom, decision, hacking, laughter, on any other number of
hands. The category of category is problematized, as are cybernetic
control systems (on any level); what we might be seeing down the road are
varieties of presencing in which the image is what you might see and might
have, and maybe not even that. So in the long run we might look towards a
phenomenology of the imaginary, as the imaginary, in the world, replaces
the obdurate of the real-inert. Beneath both are the regimes of slaughter
and extinction, so that the imaginary is also a dream-screen of the
fractured image, a moment of solace where thinking and the freedom of
thinking are permitted. At this point, we might not be able to reasonably
hope for anything more; humankind is at the verge of the verge, so to
speak/dance, and will probably remain there, as the very real population
of the planet continues to increase somewhat exponentially. So the hope is
that the imaginary is also a back-door to a better future - there's a
utopian impulse in all of this, which may of course be subverted...


[Thanks to Foofa d'Imobilite, Azure Carter, Edward Henkel, and the 92nd
Street Y.]



VR Improvised

Anything is possible in the virtual.
Inscription is absolutely cut off from the real.
Inscription cannot be sutured into the real.
The virtual is disposable.
The structure of the virtual is substitution.
Substitution implies creation and annihilation.
0 may be substituted for 1.
1 may be substituted for 0.
The formula of the virtual is [any][any].
The formula of the real is [1][1].
The real is sutured to the annihilation of inscription.
The real de-; the virtual in-.
Nothing is possible in the real.
Suffering is ontology; the virtual Occupies epistemology.
The real is neither here nor there.
The virtual is multiple.
The real is extruded from the real; the real intrudes on the real.
The virtual divides infinitely; the real divides perversely.
Neither the real divides the virtual nor the virtual divides the real.
The ontology of number is practico-inert.
The ontology of the virtual is imaginary.
We know that the real and the virtual are imaginary.
We know that the imaginary inhabits abjection.
We know that abjection inhabits the imaginary.
Abjection inhabits the real insofar as the imaginary.
The virtual expels abjection; abjection is beyond the Pale.
The Pale is its own configuration.
The Pale confines the real.
Everything and nothing are possible in the Pale.
The Pale is beyond the Pale; there is no interior.
The real is multiple by virtue of the virtual.
The virtual is fractured by the real.
The virtual takes all the time in the world.
The real takes none of it.
The virtual takes all the space in the world.
The real takes none of it.
The Pale rides the back of the real; the real fucks the Pale.
And in the virtual? Anything is possible in the virtual.