Blog Archive


Wednesday, May 31, 2006

dreams yes yes, last night i slept fitfully, woke and realized fans were needed in the gallery, the great bird coasting by, perhaps text would not appear on the monitor if the first chapter were run, silently, as if in evidence of this vital and constant tuning;;;


Oceans of Splendour (film)
one speaks the language of technological love, even here, digital and tuning, roiling waves direct from the romantic era backgrounding what is perhaps the only American film, yes, that may be made, at this point in time, in this space, this space of California, this incontrovertible aporia.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Visuddhi Magga

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Track 16 Performance Text May 27 06

(Real-time typing/improvisation laptop performance with A/V files. We
had a fine audience.)

ST this is an 'abrupt start' usually i begin outside a gallery context
or in some other context, this is a difficult situation, after all the
gallery's overdetermined i went to the Joan Jonas show today and for the
past few days hope you saw it - by the way the image above is the
Ukrainian revolution - anyway - the show was about memory and display and
masquerade and gender but it was also about $180000, I think that's the
right amount of zeroes, well that doesn' t matter but I'd have liked to
have a copy of the DVD - artists tend to exchange dvds and poetry books
(we're all fucking poor) and here within the institutionalization (love
that word, it's like deterritorialization) of the gallery system we're
barred, so damnit we should go ihn, but the show's closed and then - oh,
the mp3's almost over - and make a bootleg of Jonas anyway if anyone has a
bootleg we'll pay about ten dollars for it that's twice the new york
street price - so - the doctor piece usually comes up later - somehwere
about halfway through the piece - it just appeared early this time, i'm
sorry, i hope it doesn't throw you off - it takes a while, I'm beginning
but just beginning -- to sink into the images - that is, it's cranial -
something will emerge, it might just take a while, please be patient and
if not, well you've waisted only a little bit of time - every so often we
try and _get on the screen _ = make some sort of connection - what this
work is about, this work in general, screen images, that's all you're
seeing here - connected with bodies in displayed or inconceivable
positions - bodies appearing out of nowhere - bodies representative of
empire - of broken desire - of things gone horribly wrong - if you read
the history of the late roman empire - it becomes a history of chains, of
tortures, of factions each intent on ravaging countrysides - it's not true
people can live through anything - agriculture must have been destoryed -
all for foreign wars - these were in - these were in main for the most
part - Iraq - Persia then - toomany resources - what was going onat home -
rome wasn't the ceneter any more - there were lots of emperors doing the
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED bit back then - most of them were killed falling on
their own swords - the Goths came in - other groups - that was about i t-
now - it's about the same thing - different weapons -d own from the analog
to the digital - things coming apart in pieces - inconceivable fucking --
bodies in untoward positions - there's no return - you just can't make
heads like this can you? unless you're at war in which case you can make
them any way you want -
Azure (on the right thank god) is dancing - you can hear her footsteps -
so what - so what you're hearing - what's coming through - is radio -
radio waves - this show is about transmissions - emissions - radiations -
pollutions - so you're listening - that's the radio - the white box - you
can hear very low frequency radio - she's interfering with the planhte'
planet's atmosphere - literally - changing the radio patterning - that's
what you're listening to - this is the sound - all of this - of the field
telephone - in the tent in front of you - connected to Leslie Thornton's
tent in the other room - when the batteries are in it - I shipped the
batteries - they exploded on the way here - i didn't know it - I unpacked
them - my hands were covered with acid, well I thought, we should just
LOOK at them - this is a true story by the way - I don't know if you're
paying attention - oh oh the phone , the tiny phone in the tent, loves
listening to itself, it can finally have a mirror, it can say - this is
what I sound like, LISTEN TO ME! - across the country we looked for places
to record very low frequency radio - you have to be away from
civilizaiton, specificlly the power grid - the electircal grid which
interferes with it - that's what we're doing - going wherever ther's not
that buzz, that interfering buzz - in any case - and in this image - in
this image - there's something taken aparet - there's - a distortion,
tension in the fac e- the face can be pulled apart - whjen you play:
1. war
2. digital
you can pull apart faces. Now I'm not saying that
war = digital = botox
nothing like that - but that all of these - it's like character trates -
this is the conclusion of a silent film which I thought you might enjoy
since th eonly voice here is my own - if yo haven't been in the trolley
car - but first, notice the masts in the water - this is a sunken
lightship off brooklyn - this is an `897 trolley - that's eighteen ninety
seven - trolleys keep following me - they're the subject of this space -
of bergamot - this is being moved - it's an electricla trolley - a book in
the case - actually case two I think maybe not - in the room on the left -
is called Benedict Arnold and is part of the Electrical Series - I think
1858 - not sure of the date - it's next to a very old 1897 or thereabouts
telegraph receiver - these are I think maybe in the same case? as the
spinthariscope which contains radium from 1903 just around when it was
discovered - the thing still works - and in the next cage - older analog
behaviors - there are slides, perhaps you've noticed them? of
tuberculosis, diptheria, plague, I forget the rest - things that rot your
insides out, parasites, dead men walking - I think the slides are harmless
now - I hope so, I've been handling them - they've been leaking - it's
always worth while: DOUBLE YOUR YODEL (this is an aside) (to what?) - here
comes Azure and myself at home - you can see we're losing focus here - but
at least, wow what modelling!!! - the performer on the right - she'll be
out in a moment - she's not performing - she's tuning - the sound - is
from work I've done - somewhere in NY - not NYC - somewhere else - it's
Anja Schmidt - who - I think - can become trance/en-tranced/entranced
quickly - you will have to wait - it's there - there's always smething in
the ditgital domain - iv'e worked with dancers - continue to work with
dancers - first, dance is something I can't do - I'm impossible, I can't
move at all - I'm traumatized - it's like war - it's like Speer walking
round and round the prison after the war - I admire people who can move -
who are free to move - who don't worry about it - who don't think about it
- so I hve these opportunities - it's as if the world were murmuring -
somewhere else beyond slaughter - somewhere into water - that is Maud
dancing below - she gets tired - she repeatss herself - she can't continue
repeating herself - she falls out - falls over - falls into line - falls
out of favor - what fascinates me - in other words - is always,
everywhere, the inconceivable - what possibilities exist beyond
possibilities - what nestings are possible - for example - within the
tents - within the fabric of the tents - outside the realm - of any other
possibilities - outside the realm of slaughter - if I could assassinate -
if I had the courage - I'd put an end to things - but behind every killer
is another killer - I admit freely here - I'm a coward - I'm afraid of
pain - afraid of killing - I wouldn't know how - wouldn't know what I was
- this is radio radio - this is antennta azure - this is the sound of
atmosphere - this is the fury of wire - and this - moreso - this is Foofwa
d'Imobilite - working the wire - the same wire - it's antenna connected to
vlf to recording device to speaker back into room back into wire vibration
so where were we = within the analog realm of the real, nothing but
slaughter: NOTHING but slaughter - within the digital realm of the real -
REAL not VIRTUAL - nothing but REARRANGEMENT - tensor calculus -
inconceivability - it returns to slaughter with a longer loop -
this show is called em/bedded - em/bedded with slaughter, bedded with
slaughter - embedded in Iraq - following the troops of Rome into Persia -
into slaughter - into inconceivable analog torture - EM/bedded - that dash
or hyphen of the typographical - dividing words - leading you on -
crashing against itself - as if there were somewhere to go - there's
nowhere to go - I do hope you like the show - why am I here at this point?
- this is where I'd rather be - THIS is where I'd rather be - by the way
we're NOT in the trolley car now - there are usually two more projections
ther e- if you haven't wandered in - this is somewhere else - what I can
do - while speices are being slaughtered (three to four an hour, the
verdict's not clear) - I can combine things - just as here - as if babies
could do that: think of it - babies can't do that - CAN'T do that - but
dancers CAN do that - and I can't do much of anything - earl
Earlier today I saw the Joan Jonas shhow again and - what was amazing, I
thought, she's an artist, it's made to look easy, she's breathing that way
- it's that way so smooth - kind of like Coleridge in fact thought about
Wordsworth but that's another sotry - and then I thought - kind of like
Coleridge - perhaps I should give up art altogether - at least this THIS
kind of art - which makes no money and is CONTRIVED in relation to Joan
Jonas - at least in relation to her =- and is orders of magnitue smaller
than one hundred eighty thousand UNITED STATES DOLLARS - so then, well,
I'd give away the dvds...
that's US on the right, and PREFAB on the left....

Commentary, Visuddhi Magga

"Next, after he has put on his waist cloth as one who hides an abscess,
and tied his waist band as one who ties a bandage on a wound, and robed
himself in his upper robes as one who hides a skeleton, and takes out his
bowl as one who takes out a pan for medicine, when he reaches the vicinity
of the village gate, perhaps the sight of an elephant's carcase, a horse's
carcase, a buffalo's carcase, a human carcase, a snake's carcase, or a
dog's carcase, awaits him, and not only that but he has to suffer his nose
to be assailed by the smell of them." - from Visuddhi Magga, The Path of
Purification, by Buddhaghosa, trans. Nanamoli.

"And thus, bhikkhu, what is enlightenment, what is the cessation of suf-
fering, in the body that suffers, that does not comprehend what it does or
does not suffer, which no longer understands beyond the pain of the wound,
the disease? What is to be done with senescence, with delirium, with decay
within which the name is no longer spoken, the ears no longer hear, the
eyes no longer see, the mind no longer remembers the paths of meditation,
nor does not remember to forget them, nor forget to remember them? And
what, bhikkhu, if I am not in my right mind, if I am subject to such
visions that I am the subject of such visions, if such visions are the
breadth and depth of my world? What is then enlightenment, all but forgot-
ten in the quagmire of nightmare which does not abandon me in the light of
day? What then? What if it is the decay of my body that forms the decay of
my body and the decay of my mind? What if, near death, I am not conscious
of death, not conscious of world and non-world, not conscious of Buddha
and non-Buddha, not conscious of dhamma, what then? For are we not always
of this path of deterioration, of mental incapacity, of sickness unto
death, are we not always of this path of inconceivability, impossibility,
of such illness that the mind no longer speaks, nor thinks, nor imagines,
nor dreams? And what is an exception to this, and what is the norm of
this? And what are the vagaries of fevers, that nothing remains in focus,
that pain cannot be banished from pain, what then? And must we not drive
our body and our mind, but drive them just so far, before the limit and
degree of cessation, before right-mind is lost, before dependent origina-
tion is no longer cause for concern, no longer understood, spoken, in and
out of mind, present and non-present, remembered and forgotten? Do we not
teeter on the edge of the abyss before all is lost, before sickness car-
ries us to the nonsense of meditation, the absurdity of absurdity? Are we
not driven by our own instincts to crawl upon the earth, to swallow it, in
order to remain alive, our mind no longer thinking, no longer ours, yours,
no longer not-ours, not yours? What is enlightenment, what can be done,
when there is nothing to be done, no one to be doing, no thing, no doing,
but not language, memory, meditation, state, paradox, consciousness,
dream, unconsciousness, nothing, not even the annihilation of death, not
even cessation, not even the cessation of cessation, what then? For then
there shall be no speaking, no asking, no remembering, no chanting, no
meditation, no dreaming, no forgetting? And what then? For then there
shall be pain, no pain, and what then? Mind disappears into ignorance,
ignorance disappears. Why, bhikkhu, is there enlightenment at one time and
not another? Why must one be healthy, or unhealthy, or hungry, or of
satiation, or thirsty, or fulfilled? Why must one negate all desires, or
negate none of them? Why enlightenment? Why purity, and why not impurity?
When impurity breeds impurity, when ought is pure? When purity breeds
purity, when ought is impure? Of what use, what concern, bhikkhu? When one
no longer speaks of these things, when one can no longer speak of these
things, when one can no longer speak, when nothing at all, what then?

"There are here in the Victor's Dispensation
"Seekers gone forth from home to homelessness,
"And who although desiring purity
"Have no right knowledge of the sure straight way --"

And what, bhikkhu, given all that I have said and thought, what if there
is no knowledge, no right knowledge, no false knowledge, what of sickness
and unthinking, what of dementia and no rightness, what if there is no
way, what if there is no straightness, if the eye cannot see, the ear
cannot hear, the mind cannot think, cannot unthinking, cannot desire
purity or impurity, cannot desire, what if there is no mindfulness, what
if there is no home? What then, bhikkhu, what then?

Saturday, May 20, 2006


Dedication of Delta III Rocket State at Santa Ana Discovery Science Center; the speaker is the Representative from the area, and the spectators are Boeing employees who worked on the rocket. In the background and next to the rocket is a freeway to Los Angeles. Towards the end of the ceremony, fog machines produced an artificial rocket takeoff, accompanied by a recorded roar.

Then there's

Two files were made with a 1960s 12-chord Oscar Schmidt autoharp. ah.mp3 uses traditional chording and has been somewhat filtered.
ai.mp3 is raw and recognizes the chromatic scale of the instrument as a
potential field for structural manipulation. Structure here consists of:
repetition or partial repetitions:
similar or parallel chromatic bundles
flows of rhythmic sub-structures and rhythmic accents
timbre sequences
The result is an uncanny tour-de-force concentrated on the history of
post-classical music in the past century.
short video of Delta 3 presentation in
an all-American presentation of:
freeway, cars, and trucks
big rocket
- this format and presentation has
been created by Dirk Vekemans and is the best way I know to present the
text online (thank you!).

Friday, May 19, 2006

These are from very low frequency (VLF) radio reception under various grounding, filtering, and antenna conditions; in a sense they are steady-state; one impetus for the philosophy text (below) has been the nature of spherics - digitalized events which are deeply random, at times accompanied by 'wave-trains' or envelopes that are tightly structured. So an event once started may progress in a limited variety of ways; on the other hand, there are anomalies, disturbances which appear as emblems, neologisms, new vocabulary and classification; the danger is again the capitalization emblem = Emblem, as if there were more than structure; as if something or someone = Someone were speaking; as if Someone were speaking to us; as if Someone were speaking to US; as if Speaking itself is a matter of reification, primordial. But these are 'flat' signals; "that's all they are" - nothing more - that should be - is - sufficient -

i miss geneva; i can't read these configurations; they're equivalent signs; they're tensor calculus; there's nothing to go on to; absolute split; these never happened; these aren't signs or tokens: the whole point of philosophy is to eliminate the Emblematic; to recognize exercises of style;

Thursday, May 18, 2006 well the good thing about harmonics is that about all you can do is melody so then what can you do with melody well these are three things well this one is manipulated slightly it's all in the breath well this one is a bit of a mess although the space range is something i was after for a long time
Maquipuros (Peru.) A class of workmen who make only temporary visis to the mines when they are attracted by bonanzas. Most of them come from distant Provinces and return to their homes when the bonanza is exhausted. A stampeder.

The present presencing, of within, in relation to, flattening; what passes for time, for temporality, is inconceivable, incontrovertible. I can only play (mitagan ha atzbanut, play on the nerves) now, now-in-currency, within, in relation to, the tallying of structure, let us consider neural states, let us consider this midst.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

"Crawlfuck" When the body is pushed almost into collapse, knees turned nub, opened groins, sweat-smell everywhere, you know what you mean, you're a compass, you're pointing north (male), you're pointing east (female), you'll collide, you're thick, you want male (north) inverted, coupled female (east) inverted, capital shares in capital, we're all Europeans here, we work hard, leftists, we're ready to move out, we'll crawl under your skirts, we'll crawl up your pants, we'll crawl into your shorts, we'll crawl inside your panties, we'll crawl, we'll crawl, we're for sale

Sometimes it's just the inherent beauty of webcam shots, unexpected, wonderful:

And then one should speak of the breast and ejaculation of Saint Helen.

Or the voice of the ocean portrayed on the ocean.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Stretch / Break - which elsewhere I have written on the content here - however -

"Well, give me a break Stretch."

gz = 1.3 meg
gz2 = 2 meg
metall = 2.5 meg

gz, gz2 = electric guitar played with alpine zither positioning,
guitar laid flat across the knees
advantages: 1.5 octave reach on any string, indepedent bass/treble
disadvantages: difficulty with complex chords

gz, gz2 = dance object metal choreography

metall = video avatar metal insertion object choreography

preparatory to MRI, MRA

Friday, May 12, 2006

When metal meets flesh:
When the plateau of flesh meets the fire of mathematics 7.5 meg
[n.b. this file was corrupted; is now properly set]

"At this moment the flames rolled again into the room and then again
retired. The whale and alligators were by this time suffering dreadful
torments. The water in which they swam was literally boiling. The
alligators dashed fiercely about endeavoring to escape, and opening and
shutting their great jaws in ferocious torture; but the poor whale, almost
boiled, with great ulcers bursting from his blubbery sides, could only
feebly swim about, though blowing excessively, and every now and then
sending up great fountains of spray. At length, crack went the glass sides
of the great cases, and whale and alligators rolled out on the floor with
the rushing and steaming water. The whale died easily, having been pretty
well used up before. A few great gasps and a convulsive flap or two of his
mighty flukes were his expiring spasm. One of the alligators was killed
almost immediately by falling across a great fragment of shattered glass,
which cut open his stomach and let out the greater part of his entrails to
the light of day. The remaining alligator became involved in a controversy
with an anaconda, and joined the melee in the centre of the flaming
"We believe that all the living curiosities were saved; but the giant
girl, Anna Swan, was only rescued with the utmost difficulty. There was
not a door through which her bulky frame could obtain a passage. It was
likewise feared that the stairs would break down, even if she should reach
them. Her best friend, the living skeleton, stood by her as long as he
dared, but then deserted her, while as the heat grew in intensity, the
perspiration rolled from her face in little brooks and rivulets, which
pattered musically upon the floor. At length, as a last resort, the
employees of this place procured a lofty derrick which fortunately
happened to be standing near, and erected it alongside the Museum. A
portion of the wall was then broken off on each side of the window, the
strong tackle was got in readiness, the tall woman was made fast to one
end and swung over the heads of the people in the street, with eighteen
men grasping the other extremity of the line, and lowered down from the
third story, amid enthusiastic applause."

Urner, in the Tribune, quoted in Barnum, Forty Years' Recollections,
Author's edition, 1872-3

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Em/bedded show at Track 16 Gallery, Santa Monica, California
- May 27 - June 24 - with Leslie Thornton - multi-media
installation with projections/soundworks/books/tents/video//

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

[Opening "INBOX" ]
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Tuesday, May 09, 2006

"How to begin philosophy, how to begin the process of philosophizing, an activity, a form of labor, the philosopher and the production." Nothing can be done that has not been done, here. Nothing can be cleared that has not been cleared, here. Having begun, how to continue; of summary or conclusion: how to avoid both, the result rag-tag description, farmed-out explanation, epistemological flattening, local ontologies, adjudication and circumlocution of the Emblematic, the Emblematic found wanting. The tread of writing visible, indiscretions; appearance of textuality, fear of self-reference, defuge. There is nothing here to guide by stars. There is nothing of faith, nothing for the faithful. The world is the world as such, thetic, mute, flattened. One speaks, writes, as if something has been accomplished; nothing has been accomplished, neither declarative nor performative. The granularity of the world, pixellation, dominates those texts which might otherwise nourish the dark night of the soul. No soul, no spirit, no variegated ontologies, local ontologies, fecundity of local epistemologies, framing. One says one thing; one says another; puns undermine both; belief is of little consequence; belief = consequence = Belief. Consider this a writing of the world; rewriting of the world; writing worlding; writing of presence, present, present writing. This is the construction of this. Within the future anterior: this will have been appearing; this will have appeared; this is appearing. (This is online writing; this is being-online; this is a procurement of a description of the world; by organism; by veer or swerve; by disturbance; this is disturbance. This is history.)
(By flattening I do not mean flattening; by disturbance I mean disturbance of meaning; all meaning, the procurement of meaning, is disturbance. Within the future anterior, this will have been completed.)

Philosophy as philosophy of organism-situated-in-the-world, as human- thus situation; philosophy elsewise as that of ultimate species: both employ the emblematic or Emblematic. What is to be done with the human? Farmed-out the answers are in part ethos-dependent, ethos dependent on disciplinary values. Ultimate species: To the extent that philosophy is concerned with ulteriority, exteriority, the being of the world, beings of the world; then is philosophy intrinsic; then is the Emblematic always already employed; limit phenomena are Emblematic phenomena: give a name to universal containment / containment of the universal. Philosophy is nothing; philosophy does not veer; philosophy is veered. Philosophy is concerned with nothing; organisms are concerned; concern is a characteristic of organism; negation is a characteristic of concern; concern is a characteristic of negation. It is the concern of organisms that is filtered into philosophy, farmed-out, of living. What is the concern which is filtered? The concern is a disturbance. The concern is either circumlocution or its problematic; recognition or misrecognition of the same. The concern is the deconstruction of circumlocution; circumlocution, circumscription ==> a presentation of the world as-if Emblematic. This philosophy is the withdrawal from (not of) the Emblematic; the withdrawal is a tendency towards defuge, towards discomfort and its problematic. Defuge is that which is simultaneously absorbed and negated, simultaneously cathected and decathected; defuge is the shame of the organism, the transformation of the pornography of the world, through usage, into waste. The inverse of the Emblematic is defuge, which presences presents no name, no characterology, no tropology; the being of granite is the being of the organism upon reflection. Reflection is the doing of philosophy, its accoutrements. Reflection is reflection-upon; "upon" does not require an intentional object, state, or process; "upon" may be decathected. What is neutral is of no interest altogether.

[29 forthcoming]

Monday, May 08, 2006

"The condition of the age." "Organism inhabits the symbolic; the symbolic is not a matter of consciousness; a manner of consciousness; the symbolic is a manner of worlding; of inhabitation." Of steward and the symbolic, the emergence of ecology. The fundamental ground of ecology: non-existent, function in relation to ethos. Ethos is always already consensual, boot-strapped; ethos is implicated in, implicates, the Emblematic. The ecological presupposes states of innocence, states of the pre-symbolic; language corrupts, is corrupted; violence coheres to language. The steering-mechanism of the ecological is survival; you might argue as well for the symmetry of beauty; for the inherency (rights, behaviors, cultures) of organisms; for any functional attribution (medical discoveries, cleaner air): these are framed, frameworked, farmed-out. What can be drawn from all of this? What lessons? That the world possesses an Ought: that X or Y ought to survive? Every X or Y is contested. That I agree, that I agree violently, is irrelevant; only that my violence might impinge on your design. I desire the presencing of a world with few intruders; I will argue that, but I cannot found that. That I argue that, is happenstance; is a decision in which belief, not Belief, plays a role. The trick is to drive out transcendence, ignore immanence, violate the slightest appearance of the Absolute; the trick is the sublimation of the sublime. Do I need to argue this? Must one fight?
Do animals have rights? Do humans? What constitutes the "have"? What constitutes inherency, granting? What designates the social? What designates the "natural-social"? Rights are ad hoc; situational; communal; group-identified; legislated; unjust. I cannot appeal to justice; to justice = Justice. Must I fight?
Such issues are articulated; self-organize; within a structuralist territorialization; disappearing outside or beyond (they are beyond) any emblematic. When I = ego = Ego appears within this, this short-circuits. The I is always present; now it is surface, ""my" violence" "on "your" design". This is normal philosophy, non-paradigmatic; philosophical biography is not far behind. The text corners the text; self-references; deconstructs. Retreat. (I emphasize the shame of writing, the written-tawdry, the embarrassment of presence. Let production produce production. I withdraw.)
Beyond or external to mathematics, mathesis, 0 and 1 are situational; they are discursive tokens, floating signifiers. What one presents, the other exculpates; what one withdraws, the other absolves. 0 is already a multiplicity; just look at it. Articulation leads quickly to power sets, cellular automata chaos, differentiations, growth: differentiation to the degree-zero of substance, the analogic. What is ruptured at close sight, smoothes at farther; both are latent, developed much as a photographic plate. Set-theoretical paradoxes are the rubble of mathematics; the mathematics of ideal forms remains in light of them. The continuum hypothesis is subject only to choice outside of the continuum hypothesis; someone does something one way or another with mathesis, axiomatics, infinities. Mathematical ontology is the structure of the world; sets of parameters define all that there is; such parameters may be ab nihilo, virtual, real, stochastic, chaotic, fuzzy; given certain dimensions, certain tolerances, they exhaust. A message from elsewhere is a message by virtue of structure and interpretation. A lesson: the I withdrawn in favor of; as a result of; as a consequence of; the eye. And the eye withdrawn, withdraws.

[28 forthcoming]

Distinctions among protocols and interfaces; every interface is protocol; every protocol interfaces; each is pole ("poles") the other; each participates in flattening. What is external to protocol: inconceivable content, subjectivity; what is internal: invisibility, objectivity. From GPS through VLF radio: the measurement of the world, its skein. What is required for visibility, what technology, organism, protein? Protocols extend perceptual tacit knowledge; functionality. Of etiquette let it be said it is first and foremost exclusionary. Cybernetic feedback designates. Protocols distinguish, differentiation and integration in dialectic. The symbolic remains unread; the symbolic is transparent, readable. For the first time a three-dimensional map of the second planet from the sun is available for visual search with or without placenames given a desktop configuration of sufficient power. Protocols are the mute inverse of stewardship; they do not serve; they serve-to. Interfaces are not end-points; they bridge ontologies, continue the flow. Mind locates nowhere; is located nowhere; extensions extend without center, centering. Mind locates within presencing present; mind locates nowhen; is located nowhen. The purpose of philosophy is to pare; to pare even the ladder or the propositions. Philosophy has no purpose; it is not an exhibition; art is exhibition and venue; philosophy chatters; philosophy is doing and reading philosophy is a continuation of doing. Reading philosophy is the pretense of interface; doing philosophy problematizes protocols. To do philosophy is not to have done with philosophy.
"I have promised you a journey which is a journey of no return; a journey of conceptualization or imagination; a journey within the imaginary. There is no return in return; there are no loops in looping; what fits has always fit; what does not fit remains incommensurate. If I integrate: flattening and the apparition of death (which never appears); if I differentiate: disturbance and the reality of organism (which always appears; always is apparent). This philosophy - this of all philosophy - tends towards particulation, particulate matter; tends towards emission; tends towards gathering." Reverse Sheffer stroke and its dual: from out there, possibly from A or B, the appearance of A or B; B; from out there, the appearance of A and B. From a distance: the disturbance. In the neighborhood: flattening and absorption. The abacus of infinitely fine grain appears to the base infinity; the abacus of extraordinary differentiation signifies presence of the framework. What was once dialectic clearly has no resolution or leap; no tendency towards bootstrapping elsewhere. Instead: continuous dialog, information, absolutely mute: indiscernible processes. The world is infinitely invisible.
Infinitely invisible: What is seen on the surface of granite for example hides interior grains. The granularity of the world is always already inaccessible; art serves to make symbol of substance; of the surface of substance; of the cloak or masquerade. Art is farming-out; physical analysis is farming-out; microscopy is farming-out. Microscopes/telescopes reveal everything and nothing; occurrences continue on ontologically-cohering n-dimensional manifolds. Everything is what it appears to be; nothing is what it appears to be; everything is leveled, intertwined, intermingled, mingled, muxed. Ontology only goes so far to the portal of universal origin, "big bang" and inflation, just as increased accelerator energy may conceivably generate "new" and unexpected phenomena forever - the only limitation is economics (Brillouin). Nothing satisfies; ontologies may be enumerated, epistemologies extended to theoretically-infinite tolerances; it is all the same - not ennui (that surely is different) or boredom (that surely is different as well) or defuge (the same). One might say this is a "condition of the age." Of course there is no thing-in-itself; there are always already others.

[24 forthcoming]

To clear the house: the necessity of God/Spirit/Meaning; abstracted capitalized universals. These are misrecognitions, misapplications; from the specific to the general; from the imminent to the immanent; from many to one; from one to One. Occamic pragmatism; eliminate them. They are of service (they do not "serve") intrinsically; they comfort; they provide a matrix (as-if from matrix to Matrix); the appearance of transcendence; the therapeutic of warding-off death. They contradict flattening as tropes of disturbance. They appear from elsewhere, elsewhen; they appear elsewise; an introjected Other. Beware of capitals; of Capital. The projection of capitals returns as meaning; returns the loop; implies foundation (as-if from foundation to Foundation). They recuperate, exculpate, death (as-if from death to Death). They are the marrow of human culture. Farm them out; construct theologies, emblems; consider them (capital) Emblematic. Thus the symbolic emerges (from pre-linguistic, from proto-linguistic, from "chora") as-if from the Emblematic; as-if the Emblematic situates the symbolic vis-a-vis the human. From "situates" to "Situates," situation to "Situation"; Situation is generated by the Emblematic. To follow-through is to follow through with difficulty; with the problematic of verification. Adopt what works; otherwise adapt. "What works" = "what works for you."
From meanings to meaning to Meaning; from beings to being (copula included) to Being; from spirits to spirit to Spirit. But the last already implies an ontological split, disturbance, fueled by the foreknowledge of death; by problematic causal explanations of lifeworld events; by the recuperation, exculpation, of random tragedies. From humans to spirits is the production of meaning extended to the imminent. From imminent to immanent is father than the eye can see.
Flattening is being in the world; it is, references (what is, here, references) the style of the world. Depth absorbs disturbance, literally circumlocutes, circumscribes. The totality of circumscriptions of disturbances constitute a cultural textuality. The calling-forth of the Emblematic follows suit, exists within linguistic-psychoanalytic registers. The Emblematic is constituted by the virtual; from the virtual (as-if) to the Virtual. The virtual is always already within the world; technology, from tacit knowledge through electronic avatar, augments it. Augmentation filters (appears to filter) flattening; appears to distort; appears to generate depth (ontological fecundity), multiply-connected manifolds (epistemological fecundity). The virtual is inner speech, historicity and fecundity of interiority; philosophy is always already virtual; the discourse of the virtual is philosophical.
Every symbol is a ligament of avatar; every referent is a gesture; every gesture procures the body; every body is a speaking body; every body is a spoken body; every body is spoken-for.
Organism inhabits the symbolic; the symbolic is not a matter of consciousness; a manner of consciousness; the symbolic is a manner of worlding; of inhabitation. The provenance of the symbolic is not solely human; the provenance of stewardship lies within the symbolic of the human. "By default we are stewards of the earth": precisely because of the extension of human power; of the vectorization of human culture. Vectorization: the physical extension of culture, the sprawl.

[21 forthcoming]

Sunday, May 07, 2006

"Of such, without recourse to the return, because of evidence: one cannot return, or rather a return would be always and only from the present to the present, operable upon a remnant of the production, but only the remnant, which would be drawn into presence, or re-presence.'' The return is inconceivable, a conceiving; the return: from heroic travel; from death to birth; from wound to heal; from anomaly to suture; from digital to analog; from (mythology of the) death drive to (mythology of the) death drive; from arousal to satiation. The return is as-if, fiction. The return loops; there is never a return; the return re-presents the world; all re-presentation of the world is the appearance of return. To return is to re-possess; possessions are repossessions. The loop of the return is the process of reification; it transforms the appearance of inherent value into exchange; within mathesis, it is capital. Capital is seeing the world; it is eternal presence. Eternal return is always eternal presence; it is the presence of as-if-I-had-known within the I-know; return is the foundation of culture.
Return is the foundation of culture; desire is the foundation of culture; language is the foundation of culture; sexuality is the foundation of culture; product-production is the foundation of culture; disturbance is the foundation of culture; differentiation is the foundation of culture; negation is the foundation of culture; there is no foundation of culture as such; there is no cultural foundation. (If the world were not a stew, philosophy would be axiomatic; if philosophy were axiomatic, there would be no philosophy. The exhaustion of the absolute is the absolute of exhaustion.)

By default we are stewards of the earth. An irresolute contradiction: beginning and ending of philosophy, absence of, not absented, Being; philosophy of this labor, this presence, this present: but: philosophy not of psychology, not of sexuality; neither the tropology nor the speciality; therefore the body present and absent; desire present and absent; mathesis present and absent: but: the remoteness of philosophy; remoteness of mathematics; remoteness of fundamental ontologies; within beings without Being. Therefore "by default": given that there is none, that there is none other; our ethos: subsummation of the other; recuperation of the other within the same; recuperation of the same within the other. Sheffer dual: "neither A nor B"; Sheffer: "not both A and B"; the fundamental "jectivity" - projection and introjection - expulsion and incorporation - exculpation and absolution (the register of ethos) - of organism in relation, in dialog, dialectic, with the world: imminent perceived environment - the project of organism, project of the environment vis-a-vis organism. The given without the giver, given without the gift, limitless, unbounded: the present. Stewardship by default: the given of the world, the wager of local zero-sum. Foundation of belief in relation to "what is to be done": Second jectivity, the overlay of ethos, Spirit, what passes for foundation. The foundation of belief is in passing. Is in passing as such. Belief is nothing if not of consequence; the consequence of belief is stewardship.
The basis of stewardship is decision. Decision is bifurcation, digital. Bifurcation is fundamental: the Schrodinger cat paradox depends on it. From analog continuous waveform to digital. The suturing of the digital: flattening; flattening by the organism in relation to the organism and its functioning. Suturing: the mathematical operation of integration. The other side of flattening: Contrast increase: the mathematical operation of differentiation. Differentiation is the basis of survival Differentiation is a disturbance of the digital within the analog. From disturbance, suturing. Worlding is dialog-dialectic among flattening and disturbance.
Here philosophy no longer speaks: I no longer speak. For what is being spoke is, can only be, speech broken by the world. Speech by its very present-presencing is always already broken; philosophy breaks on speech.

[14 forthcoming]

Fiske: The "discovery of the law of gravitation, as well as the invention of such a superstition as the Hand of Glory, is at bottom but a case of association of ideas." I cannot comprehend Being; Being does not exist in my comprehension, nor in my understanding, nor in association, nor in empathy. Of beings, I understand association. Being is a taste, a connoisseurship of the world or collector of the world, tending towards the final object. If Being is not absolute, what is? It is as if what is given "is given"; it is not; the thetic tends towards the thetic; circumlocution occurs within the same flattening as the world at large; writing is such a tendency. The philosophy of sex, of sexuality, of love, of war, hate; the philosophy of culture; of media theory: all are farmed-out; all are within the provenance of disciplines, speciality. Art is the drawing of negation; art is a disturbance of association; art reveals the flattening and non-Being of the world; even within its presentiment of Being, non-Being. Art is corruption; preservation holds its own in the skein of decay. To create is to bifurcate; creation is discrete, the rasa no exception. The commonality of art is gesticulation; the commonality of art and language is gesture. As for sexuality: "Language is always at a loss; hence the fury of language, presence of obscenities or thickening" [5] - rupture is production; sexuality infects the social; the infection is the social. Jouissance and preservation: farmed-out to psychology; psychoanalytics; biogenetics; anthropology: this central drive whose centrifugal emotion colors everything; presents or re-presents the philosophical as determinative property, boundary, territory and its circumambulation. Sexuality has no belonging; philosophy is a speaking or carrying-out a longing for belonging, lengthening of situation, just as death dissolves belonging which rites recreate for the survivors. Obscenity is obscenity in its absence, its impossibility, of circumlocution, a symbolic axis of interiority. Obscenity is that which is spoken because it cannot be spoken; philosophy is an obscenity; a pornography; its speaking is a flattening; a circumdiction of disturbance; what is called a therapeutic or meditation; a dreamwork or working-through; what is symbolic labor. In labor exchange value and use value are equivalent; to think otherwise is to mistake ontology for content. The value of labor lies in reification; in "fitting" (Bohm); in the production of materials; of thought; operations within or across ontologies; emotions or prime numbers; bricks or philosophy. Obscenity is valuable in its valuelessness; it works, working through nothing; it is contrary or wayward, contradiction; obscenity occurs within the Sheffer stroke dual "neither A nor B"; in its elsewhere; in its range outside the organization and data-basing of labor and its production.
Of the absurdity of analysis of X: X-beneath-the-sign-of-Y- analyzed or mediated by Z: Z(Y(X)) for example; forgive the errors of category. A loss: Philosophy exists qua philosophy to the extent that Y is problematic; that Z turns away; turns the other face; that the tending of X; of the world; is towards Other. What can be said dissolves in speciality; in the interconnections among specialities; in the discourses of specializations; that is, in the discourses of analysts; perhaps in analytical discourses or discourse. The value of art is in opposition to the value of labor; art is active and potential laborlessness-in-production; obscenity underlies both; underlies philosophy; violence and sexuality underlie obscenity; obscenity underlies both.
By default we are stewards of the earth.

[11+ forthcoming]

As in digital manipulation of layers, the world is flattening by the subject; is always flattening; there is no depth; depth is an illusion; multiple viewpoints; apparent histories; apparent identities. The flattening of the world: the stitching of ontologies, suturing epistemologies. Thus the thetic, continuously working as the gesture works. The gesture is working language; language gestures, gesticulates. Language is always at a loss; hence the fury of language, presence of obscenities or thickening, escape routes, of interjections, phonemically other. Representation is the same; the same of the other; chiasmus: other of the same. It is a disturbance of flattening which is flattening. Disturbance is the apparency of discontinuity, anomaly; flattening is substantive; substance. To disturb - to nudge - is to initiate bifurcation, response. The limits of discontinuity are catatonias; analogic inerts; substance is limitness. Consider an epigenetic landscape: the flattening of the real. Consider elementary catastrophies and their extending sheets: disturbance.
In my work several decades ago (I mention this only in relation to Badiou), I wrote and write of farming-out; the perception of temporality, of progress, resulting in the collocation of disciplines, subjects, within which specialists take care of advance, increased knowledge, goods. Temporality tends towards complexity; cellular automata can grow in-conceivably chaotic within a few generations. The regular or reiterated which is death (certainly without recursion which leads to quantitative jumps) is unimaginable; it is the circumlocution, centrifugal forcing, of the world. The apparency of disturbance tends towards centering. "Now I must proceed without time."; with the perception of time; of what is known now, what is processed now, as opposed to; what was processed; what was processed then. What was conceived then; what I conceive now what was conceived then. This is a conceiving; a state of conceiving; the bundle of conceivings constitutes the world which appears undergoing transformation; always irreversible. But not irreversible in fact: from presencing, from presence there is nothing to return to; the state is unpresent, non-present; one says "the state has vanished" or "we've moved on."
"I conceive of the world as such-and-such." "What is it that is being conceived? What is conceiving?"
There is no Now; there is no philosophy of the Now. The present presence is smeared, fuzzy; it is degenerate; it was never generate. Philosophy is from present presencing, from this smearing; it is irrevocable; it cannot be constituted otherwise. The Absolute is embedded in time; there is no Absolute to return to; the embedding is within the present. The text is always its memory; the text - any text - is always memory. I speak and write concretely: this is such-and-such a writing which is only inscription, artifact; the artifact is present, before you; the artifact is presenting by virtue of your procurement. Everything, the world, artifact, product-production, appears as, exists within, reconstitution; the subject (who is always already embedded) recuperates, which is the definition of the subject; objects do not. To recuperate is to draw boundaries, definitions, negations: X = this; not-X = that. Not-X is always problematic; it's "that" may be fuzzy, complementary; chained; non-existent; indecipherable; generative or degenerate, degenerative. This is the difficulty of the monopole in ordinary language within an ordinary world; that is, what is termed the "lifeworld," or world of daily life. The lifeworld is presencing, as if a gift or given; there is no negative or negation; negation is a drawing. What occurs, occurs, is, is. Flattening is necessary construct; thus disturbance within flattening portends negation which is channeled within flattening. This is the sphere of daily life which appears extended.

[9 forthcoming]

Consider a toaster or electronic computer; consider anything which may or may not be present, presencing; this is of the order of philosophy, always already an acceptance; every reduction includes; or includes, at least as construct. Thus of the panoply, or rather panoply, which is present, presencing; then what of memory, of the enumeration, accountability of objects? In philosophy, these remain within the presence; they appear recuperable; they appear identical or equivalent; this is appearance, genidentity; this is always other. This is the giving of permission of philosophy the killing-ground or grounds of philosophy; the winding-sheet of assertion. A man or a woman, an organism, a being, a human being, universals, these presences accompanied by deductions, for what is a man or a woman if not recognized as such; if recognized for example as thing or flesh; if recognized as meat; if recognized only as thing or flesh as meat. As for recognition: a problem for cognitive psychology, for neurophysiology. As for the symbolic: transformation and transforming structures, structures undergoing continuous transformation with the appearance of equivalences. As for mediation: the appearance of extension of appearance of equivalences. Mediation: a presencing, a present. One is always already synchronic; one is never diachronic; one does not live in time; one does not extend in time; one is replete; is fullness; the world is panoply, fecund; the world is a world of potential; potential is incomplete. There is no completeness in the world. There is completeness in mathematics; there is no completeness in mathesis. Mathesis is of the present. Mathesis is presence, the ontology of presence.


How to begin philosophy, how to begin the process of philosophizing, an activity, a form of labor, the philosopher and the production. Whether the philosophy is cast asunder, whether it is interpretable, that is, translatable; whether it remains intrinsic to the act of philosophizing, therefore bound. If bound, whether it is of the substance or thing or continuity of its creation, or whether it is of some other substance, some other, cast asunder; whether the production is one with its production; whether the producer is one with the production. Here beginning without return, without recourse to the return, beginning in the sense of an act of writing designating this particular production which is named 'Philosophy.'
Of such, without recourse to the return, because of evidence: one cannot return, or rather a return would be always and only from the present to the present, operable upon a remnant of the production, but only the remnant, which would be drawn into presence, or re-presence. It is evident that undoing is not that of doing, that one alters, that things have altered, that things have altered within one within the world; that one is altered within an altered or altering world. That the world is what is evident, that the world is without recourse, without return. That the world is therefore unbounded, bounded without the boundary or delineation of the return; that the present is this unbounded, continuous unbinding. The present is a filter. The return is nowhere, returns nowhere.
Of such, without foundation; the present has no foundation; neither within nor without, neither within the apparatus of writing nor without. Mathematics possesses no return; every mathematical statement is foundation; every mathematical statement exists and presences. Of mathematics and its production is identical; is unique; is inescapably equivalent. Identity and equivalence remain within product and production; are remnant within product and production. Mathematics is that within which identity appears and appears exactly within equivalence. The world is that which is without identity, with the appearance of identity, without equivalence, with the appearance of equivalence. The splitting of the world is the splitting of perception into classes of apparent identity and apparent equivalence whose boundaries remain within the present, are imminent; but whose boundaries are such as projections. The projection of a boundary is within the present. The history of a boundary is a projection.

[4 forthcoming]

Saturday, May 06, 2006

my private army in still and movie has nothing on it for us, more later <** "What I recognize, in the silence of the drive and its inane uncoupling, is my death. This is the end of the depository, of capital, the beginning of death, faltering of memory. Death will not come among the epistemology and ontology of the real or the virtual; it circumscribes ontology. I remember a student of Lyotard telling me how frightened he was of dying, how _scared._ I still read his words, in books, layers of crystalline information dependent upon the _times_ to make sense, cohere, to be <+P:-P:> - bra and ket. "Dirac is dead and all knowledge with him."" Now dispersion, particulation, spew, emission, clash with death: for what is the death of an electromagnetic burst into space, for example? What is the role of quantum noise? Virtual particles? What horizon does death procreate in the midst of diaspora? What trace is left behind as matter already decomposes, as bits increase exponentially?

Death matters to me and not to the Other. The horizon is always already porous; death is preposterous as an incomplete or thwarted circumlocution. Death walks around the walk-around of death. Does dispersion dis-appear? Does death in death become One? Does death become?

Friday, May 05, 2006

will take you to the exhibition text.
the exhibition will be in Santa Monica in May.
here, please use your imagination.
i am sure your imagination is up to the challenge.
and will be better than the original.
or what will be or will become the original.
for a short time this year in California.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Birth Sex Video Censor Blog Spot-On Slow-Mo


I'm safe writing here in the blog. I write in a window, an apparent opening in the surface of the screen. I extend myself. I recognize that the window is indefinite in size, that font size for example changes the apparent dimensions, which only exist as virtual measurements, idealized numbers somewhat along the lines of capital.

And tonight, this body not _of_ the screen, shall have a panic attack. For this body is perhaps a third of a meter in depth, of soft skin and bone, easy to smash, dissolve, decay - a body which starves quickly without food or water, a body more than halfway on the road to death.

It is a body which, as you read this, may or may not remain alive. It is a body always already smashed, punctured, at war with itself. It is a body of misrecognitions, malfeasance, inopportune moments. Yes, a body of the inopportune.

I attach yet another drive to my computer, two-hundred and fifty gigabytes, spelled and spilled out. The machine does not recognize it. I recognize it; it is here, on my left, next to, adjacent to, the screen. It has a certain feel to it, and it is powered and connected. At first it was assigned a letter or a name, P:, and now that has disappeared, and there is in fact nothing to assign P: to, and nothing assigned to the drive. The symbolic link is broken, although, from without the machine, it is all that is in evidence. But not the protocols, which, like cybernetic flows in general, exist only problematically - something which gave the old USSR trouble as it tried to fit information technology into dialectical materialism. Now, here, at this corner of space-time, the material is in evidence, but the line of communication is broken; the virtual is corrupted.

Perhaps I write P: on the drive itself. Perhaps I write +P: on the drive, and -P: on the USB socket the drive plugs into. I demonstrate, perhaps, the relationship to the cat, to my partner Azure, to anyone or anything within calling distance. But not within interiority. And if the machine, the computer, is opened, so that interiority spills out onto the table, I would have to say, not within _that_ interiority.

What I recognize, in the silence of the drive and its inane uncoupling, is my death. This is the end of the depository, of capital, the beginning of death, faltering of memory. Death will not come among the epistemology and ontology of the real or the virtual; it circumscribes ontology. I remember a student of Lyotard telling me how frightened he was of dying, how _scared._ I still read his words, in books, layers of crystalline information dependent upon the _times_ to make sense, cohere, to be <+P:-P:> - bra and ket. "Dirac is dead and all knowledge with him."

The dead reach out; it's the smallest distance, this trick of memory which remains unrecognized - this distance, perhaps a centimeter - I may reach out for example, and touch that plate of macrobiotic food I could see, and smell, so clearly, at arm's or finger's length, nothing more, Proust's madeleine, but _outside_ - where epistemology, materiality, hold sway, the disconnect is permanent - a stretch of time or movement of three decades - or a week or a second. It doesn't matter. It doesn't connect. No amount of capital will help.

Every letter, here, is a nail, holding skin and bone in place.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Of the Dream

Nightmares infiltrate, surround me, breaking barrier and border, dissolv-
ing surface and substance. This is literal, concrete; it's what I suffer
through, night after night, almost all my waking life. At one point, the
nightmares were nameless, and I would be destitute, unable to function the
next day or days. Now they are of different orders, just as menacing. Two
night ago, before this sleepless night (I have finally left the bed yet
again, shaking), I had the following dream. I was making love or beginning
to make love to a woman, a preacher's daughter. I had oral sex with her
years ago. Her father had a collection of snuff films. In the dream she is
lying on her side, facing me, on a platform or plinthe of some sort, her
head to the left, her body a book or a picture, landscape or tableau. I
begin to caress her body, a mixture of her own, as I remember it, and
Azure, as I know now. Her body is wet, as if covered with semen. In the
dream I am tumescent, my arms around her, moving her towards me. It is at
this point that I become her, that my body drops away. It is at this point
that, behind her, that is behind me, there is a menace. I remember only
the claws. They begin to scrape, to scratch her, they begin to dig deeper.
It is a rape in which the body, my body, is torn and penetrated every-
where. Her body, my body, was the color of dark cream; the menace is gray,
shadow-bound. I remember thinking, just before I woke: This is a dream in
which I am transformed from the dreamer to the thing dreamed. It is a
dream in which my identity changes, a dream which is transitive, a dream
in which position and gender are transformed as well. It is a dream of a
transom or threshold 'turned to stone,' a dream _from which ultimately I
am excluded,_ waking, once again, in a state of horror. The body of the
dream is in relation to the body of */censored/* and
the sound of the dream relates to the matsui pieces described below,
but a sound which is harsher, Wagnerian,
tumultuous, a sound of frenzy in matsui1 and hollow in matsui2. But a
sound which, in dream, was silent; only the tearing of flesh, the clawing
accompanied by screams, the preternatural moans and trembling with which
the dream began - only these formed the matrix of the other which haunted
me to wakefulness. I cannot say more, or more to the worse or better,
about these fixtures of my existence - only that my mind curses me far
better and far more often than others are capable of. I can trace evil in
me, but who cannot? And as others escape, so I am bound, to dream and
symbol, writing and written, as well.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Three pieces:
Alpine zither. Relationships with ch'in and taksim. With VLF (very low frequency) radio "events" which are deeply random, but often possess wave trains. With the touch/caress of the resonant body which metaphorically relates to elementary physics and the world at large. With elements of air, metal, wood.

Now there is this: An image misplaced. The zither in a tent, in-tented. Or two tents askew, which will be the case in a Los Angeles show. A field telephone for output. A radio antenna for input. No one could want more than the intertwining of natural culture.

Is theory ever final?

Monday, May 01, 2006

This was in West Virginia. It's a lie. I can't hack myself out of a paper bag. I don't use bags; I use cloth sacks. [HAHAHA! I'm a CLOTH SACK and you're a CLOTH SACK! I'll get you!] My ecological footprint is relatively small. But this seemed k:1> apropos hack one way or another. My medical tests so far have been caught up in bureaucracy. I had an echocardiogram today as well as extended bloodtests. I still need an EEG, MRA, and MRI. Don't take my word for it, but medical care in the US is lousy. I'm with something called HIP. THEY decide what tests I'm going to have - not the doctors. It's in their interest not to have the tests, the drugs, the cures. Their income increases accordingly. Health is not in their interest - or rather only to the extent that if I die, they no longer collect. But then they don't have to pay out anything at that point. Is it possible to self-medicate? Self-operate? Like many in this country, I look for drugs outside the medical establishment. Everyone has extra pills, salves, lying around. [LOOK AT my MOM!] Even machines. You can adapt quickly to this. The Internet helps a lot. If I didn't know better, I'd say the Internet is one of my best friends. It gives me all sorts of knowledge I would not have had otherwise. I have to work on the Alpine zither again. I'm also looking into Noh and Buyo one more. I think I could work out of them! They're exciting! They turn me back towards Brecht for one thing. I do a lot of reading in my spare time. [Oh this is silly! I'm rereading this and I think, what would my friend Bunny say?! She's already thinking I'm a dork! I think she'll think I'm REALLY a dork now! But I'm having fun and that's the important thing!] Then I was thinking, what about being an American? I didn't ask to be born here. I don't feel any particular allegiance to this country. It's all happenstance like gender or religion. Dasein, existentialism, that sort of thing. They're related panoptically. In any case I don't have loyalty to anything or anyone outside of choice. I have loyalty to my partner, my pet. Sometimes I think I'm loyal to myself. When this government somehow recreates a standard of living for everyone, I'd be loyal here as well. Am I a spy? Of course not! Without belief, what could one possibly spy on? [Oh dear, I should have listened in school today! We were talking about President Bush and how you have to be loyal because he is an American and Our President. And when I objected, Mr. Bendall said, it's just like God, you didn't ask for him did you? And I had to say no. So I think I lost the point again. But it was a good class. We're reading Thomas Paine who is a real bore.] And where would one get the knowledge? And who would want it anyway - Alpine zither tunings, how to grow Japanese Maple indoors, the phenomenology of short-wave listening.... So say hello and be my friend and read on! [I bet I'm the only REPUBLICAN who plays an Alpine zither!]
- Alan (yes, it's me in the picture, really!) [REALLY!]
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